Will SelfWill Self is the author of seven novels, six collections of stories and five collections of non-fiction. His most recent novel is The Butt. He writes the Madness of Crowds column for the New Statesman as well as the Real Meals column.
Articles in Madness of Crowds
I return to beards again – and gladly.
You can fool all of the people for some of the time, the
A friend in the publishing business told me that Clare B
“Yesterday’s anti-colonialists are trying to humanise th
Caesar! We who are about to die salute you!
At the time of Diana Spencer’s funeral in 1997, I rememb
As the medieval astronomical clock in Prague’s Old Town
At Canning Town Station, on the Docklands Light Railway
At Paddington Station, where one occasionally finds a st
Dinner with the quality: serpentine water carafes coil u
As I write the traffic is still backed up from the Wands
These are the coldest collations of the year: shards of
Oh, I do so hope, dear readers, that you don’t feel I’ve
I’ve written before in this magazine about those hideous
The mot juste is oophagy, meaning that strange
It must have been a hippy-dippy-happyhoppy fortnight rou
You don’t need to know this – but here goes: due to some
Sometimes the crowd is the madness – at others it’s the
From the moment I knew I was having a baby, I wanted to
She’s lying over there in the corner of the room, innoce
Sitting in the chair at Smile, the fashionable King’s Ro
Millions of people in this country get up every morning
I am distressed to see that the hateful expression “buil
My mother used to say that the difference between Americ
Compulsive hoarding is pretty out there, no?
The transvaginal probe is a long, dildo-shaped instrumen