Diary

Life & Society

I have not a gram of rock'n'roll in me

• 20 November 2006
• 4 comments

I am a potterer, a flâneur. I am brilliant at it, quite brilliant. I am encouraged in this by Hackney Council, which makes public transport so horrendous

Tory, Tory, Tory and the television truth

• 13 November 2006

His eyes glistened as he talked about the blue revolution. These were Maggie's soldiers, fighting for her on the barricades

For real danger, try the LWT studios

• 06 November 2006

It is time to accept that part of what is happening in Iraq is a civil war. The government's writ doesn't run much beyond the US zone in Baghdad

Life & Society

Who could resist the "Ying Tong Song"

• 30 October 2006

A cry roars forth from a Mercedes. It's Simon Schama. We swing into Fifties mode and Perry Como impressions and the vaudeville barely stops until we reach the studio

Life & Society

"Oi, what's wiv the kiss in the text?"

• 23 October 2006

Texting bores me: I can't be bothered with the twiddling or the false intimacies. But at least this keeps me out of danger

My day with Dave and the dead

• 16 October 2006

Halfway through my talk to the Conservative party conference, I began to suspect that the audience had died . . .

Does my beard bother the Miu Miu bag lady?

• 09 October 2006

My wife says I lose my sense of humour in airports. If true, this is because I am concentrating too hard on controlling my nerves

In Guantanamo, one man is living the life of a king

• 02 October 2006

I have seen as much credible evidence of Sami being a terrorist as I have seen of the Loch Ness Monster. Correction. I have seen slightly more evidence of the Loch Ness Monster

Life & Society

Maybe I could be Gordon's cleaner?

• 25 September 2006
• 1 comment

I start dreaming of a cabinet to serve Gordon Brown: Diane Abbott, Martin Amis, Damon Albarn, Harold Pinter, Victoria Wood, Mark E Smith, Charles Kennedy, Dennis Skinner, myself and Michael Portillo . . .

Dear Ken, here's a goodwill salt-beef bagel

• 18 September 2006

With Mayor Livingstone now so keen to be seen as a friend of the Jewish community, perhaps it is time to send him a personal invitation. Or two - in case he wants to bring his friend Sheikh al-Qaradawi