Five questions answered on RBS’s positive quarterly profit results

Investors react.

The bank that was famously bailed out in the 2008 financial crisis has posted its best quarterly profits for over a year. We answer five questions on RBS’s latest figures.

How much pre-tax profit has the bank made?

The bank has made a pre-tax profit of £826m, this is compared to a £1.5bn loss in the same period in 2012 and a £2.2bn loss in the final quarter of last year.

What has been the bank’s response to these positive results?

In a video statement on the bank’s website, Chairman Sir Philip Hampton said he expects the government to start selling shares in the bank from the middle of 2014, or possibly earlier, so the bank can return to privatisation.

He said any such sale would be "terrific for the country".

The government owns an 82 per cent stake in the bank after it bailed it out in 2008.

What else did Hampton say?

"Our balance sheet is substantially fixed... our operating profitability has come through quite strongly," he said.

"What we want to do is have a business that is performing well... enabling the government to start selling shares from, let's say, the middle of 2014 on - it could be earlier, that's a matter for the government - but certainly we think the recovery process will be substantially complete in about a year or so's time."

If the government sold its shares in the next year or so would they be getting a good deal?

It’s not known how much the government would sell its stake for, but currently, RBS shares are valued at 407 pence a share on the government's accounts. However, the government paid 502 pence a share during the bailout.

According to the BBC’s business editor, Robert Peston, this suggests the Chancellor, George Osborne, could opt to sell at the lower price and still claim to be getting fair value for the 82 per cent taxpayer stake.

This would result in a return to shareholders after the government invested billions in the bank five years ago.

How have investors reacted to the quarterly results?

Despite Hampton’s optimism, investors have reacted negatively, with RBS shares falling more than 4.5 per cent in the first 10 minutes of trading on the London Stock Exchange.

RBS. Photograph: Getty Images

Heidi Vella is a features writer for Nridigital.com

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The footie is back. Three weeks in and what have we learned so far?

Barcleys, boots and big names... the Prem is back.

Another season, another reason for making whoopee cushions and giving them to Spurs fans to cheer them up during the long winter afternoons ahead. What have we learned so far?

Big names are vital. Just ask the manager of the Man United shop. The arrival of Schneiderlin and Schweinsteiger has done wonders for the sale of repro tops and they’ve run out of letters. Benedict Cumberbatch, please join Carlisle United. They’re desperate for some extra income.

Beards are still in. The whole Prem is bristling with them, the skinniest, weediest player convinced he’s Andrea Pirlo. Even my young friend and neighbour Ed Miliband has grown a beard, according to his holiday snaps. Sign him.

Boots Not always had my best specs on, but here and abroad I detect a new form of bootee creeping in – slightly higher on the ankle, not heavy-plated as in the old days but very light, probably made from the bums of newborn babies.

Barclays Still driving me mad. Now it’s screaming from the perimeter boards that it’s “Championing the true Spirit of the Game”. What the hell does that mean? Thank God this is its last season as proud sponsor of the Prem.

Pitches Some groundsmen have clearly been on the weeds. How else can you explain the Stoke pitch suddenly having concentric circles, while Southampton and Portsmouth have acquired tartan stripes? Go easy on the mowers, chaps. Footballers find it hard enough to pass in straight lines.

Strips Have you seen the Everton third kit top? Like a cheap market-stall T-shirt, but the colour, my dears, the colour is gorgeous – it’s Thames green. Yes, the very same we painted our front door back in the Seventies. The whole street copied, then le toot middle classes everywhere.

Scott Spedding Which international team do you think he plays for? I switched on the telly to find it was rugby, heard his name and thought, goodo, must be Scotland, come on, Scotland. Turned out to be the England-France game. Hmm, must be a member of that famous Cumbrian family, the Speddings from Mirehouse, where Tennyson imagined King Arthur’s Excalibur coming out the lake. Blow me, Scott Spedding turns out to be a Frenchman. Though he only acquired French citizenship last year, having been born and bred in South Africa. What’s in a name, eh?

Footballers are just so last season. Wayne Rooney and Harry Kane can’t score. The really good ones won’t come here – all we get is the crocks, the elderly, the bench-warmers, yet still we look to them to be our saviour. Oh my God, let’s hope we sign Falcao, he’s a genius, will make all the difference, so prayed all the Man United fans. Hold on: Chelsea fans. I’ve forgotten now where he went. They seek him here, they seek him there, is he alive or on the stairs, who feckin’ cares?

John Stones of Everton – brilliant season so far, now he is a genius, the solution to all of Chelsea’s problems, the heir to John Terry, captain of England for decades. Once he gets out of short trousers and learns to tie his own laces . . .

Managers are the real interest. So refreshing to have three young British managers in the Prem – Alex Neil at Norwich (34), Eddie Howe at Bournemouth (37) and that old hand at Swansea, Garry Monk, (36). Young Master Howe looks like a ball boy. Or a tea boy.

Mourinho is, of course, the main attraction. He has given us the best start to any of his seasons on this planet. Can you ever take your eyes off him? That handsome hooded look, that sarcastic sneer, the imperious hand in the air – and in his hair – all those languages, he’s so clearly brilliant, and yet, like many clever people, often lacking in common sense. How could he come down so heavily on Eva Carneiro, his Chelsea doctor? Just because you’re losing? Yes, José has been the best fun so far – plus Chelsea’s poor start. God, please don’t let him fall out with Abramovich. José, we need you.

Hunter Davies is a journalist, broadcaster and profilic author perhaps best known for writing about the Beatles. He is an ardent Tottenham fan and writes a regular column on football for the New Statesman.

This article first appeared in the 27 August 2015 issue of the New Statesman, Isis and the new barbarism