The ADgenda: No. 7 discovers what colour your face is

Know thyself.

Adverts are designed to make us question the things we see as important, and enlighten us with what we actually need. We didn’t know that shiny new hot-plate holder was a matter of life and death, but it is, and if we don’t buy all those Swiss army-style attachments, our lives are purposeless. No 7 has put out a new gadget designed to tell you the colour of your skin. Of course; it’s so simple! This is what we’ve always needed. Finally, I can discover what colour my face is! They’ve made more than just a make-up product here: this device should be sold to the army and kept a national secret. For it has unfathomable power; No 7 have put an end to the human philosophical struggle of who we are, and cracked the code of the ancient message at the Delphic Oracle “know thyself”. We never know when humanity might need this to combat an existential crisis.

This is the message they employ in their advert. We see a woman working, looking agitated, bursting out of the enclosing walls of her office at the first possible opportunity, stumbling in her concealed excitement, until finally she unlocks the true meaning of her life – her face colour. The nation heaves a sigh of relief as she escapes the pointlessness of a job to receive the true enlightenment of perfect make-up. The fates smile upon humanity as they watch poor, deluded Woman finally achieve the goals of her gender.  Now, with the message unlocked, they transmit the epistle down, soon to be adopted by our omniscient No 7 PR agency: value female appearance before female careers

New gadget. Photograph: Getty Images
Photo: Getty Images
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Telegraph fires environmental journalist Geoffrey Lean

Some have suggested the move is due to the newspapers' scepticism about man-made climate change. 

Geoffrey Lean, the respected enviromental commentator and reporter, has been "pushed out" of the Telegraph, according to the writer. Lean, who pioneered the role of environmental correspondent almost forty years, joined the Telegraph in 2009 after 16 years at the Independent. "Telegraph is pushing me out," Lean tweeted a few days ago. The Telegraph's International Business Editor, Ambrose Evans-Pritchard, tweeted "Departure of climate veteran @GeoffreyLean v sad for Telegraph colleagues. Conservative newspaper has lost a tireless voice for conservation". 

The loss of the respected Lean, some believe, is due to his longstanding support for the idea that climate change is manmade. 

I'm a mole, innit.