Web Only: best of the blogs

The five must-read blogs from today, including whether we should cap bosses' pay.

1. Should we cap bosses' pay?

Stumbling and Mumbling's Chris Dillow argues that that high CEO pay is not the disease, but the symptom of excessive executive power.

2. Is there a solution to the Coalition's NHS problem?

David Cameron should use his next reshuffle to move Andew Lansley and appoint a new Health Secretary, says ConservativeHome's Tim Montgomerie.

3. How do you solve a problem like Newt?

Newt is doing well amongst Republican voters, but the party's top command know that the general public do not feel the same way, says Ian Leslie.

4. Boris finally admits: knife crime is up and I cut 1,700 police officers

Political Scrapbook notes that the Mayor of London has conceded that police numbers in London have decreased.

5. Your LDV guide to rebel Liberal Democrat Peers

Over at Liberal Democrat Voice, Mark Valladares lists the Lib Dem peers most likely to rebel.

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An alternative Trainspotting script for John Humphrys’ Radio 4 “Choose Life” tribute

Born chippy.

Your mole often has Radio 4’s Today programme babbling away comfortingly in the background while emerging blinking from the burrow. So imagine its horror this morning, when the BBC decided to sully this listening experience with John Humphrys doing the “Choose Life” monologue from Trainspotting.

“I chose not to choose life: I chose something else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you’ve got Radio 4?” he concluded, as a nation cringed.

Introduced as someone who has “taken issue with modernity”, Humphrys launched into the film character Renton’s iconic rant against the banality of modern life.

But Humphrys’ role as in-studio curmudgeon is neither endearing nor amusing to this mole. Often tasked with stories about modern technology and digital culture by supposedly mischievous editors, Humphrys sounds increasingly cranky and ill-informed. It doesn’t exactly make for enlightening interviews. So your mole has tampered with the script. Here’s what he should have said:

“Choose life. Choose a job and then never retire, ever. Choose a career defined by growling and scoffing. Choose crashing the pips three mornings out of five. Choose a fucking long contract. Choose interrupting your co-hosts, politicians, religious leaders and children. Choose sitting across the desk from Justin Webb at 7.20 wondering what you’re doing with your life. Choose confusion about why Thought for the Day is still a thing. Choose hogging political interviews. Choose anxiety about whether Jim Naughtie’s departure means there’s dwindling demand for grouchy old men on flagship political radio shows. Choose a staunch commitment to misunderstanding stories about video games and emoji. Choose doing those stories anyway. Choose turning on the radio and wondering why the fuck you aren’t on on a Sunday morning as well. Choose sitting on that black leather chair hosting mind-numbing spirit-crushing game shows (Mastermind). Choose going over time at the end of it all, pishing your last few seconds on needlessly combative questions, nothing more than an obstacle to that day’s editors being credited. Choose your future. Choose life . . .”

I'm a mole, innit.