PMQs sketch: Labour leader shoots, and finally scores
As Dave dodged, dived and rambled on, even his own MPs drew blanks.
By Peter McHugh Published 07 December 2011 17:39
Let us hear it for Ed Miliband, who finally took the foot out of his own mouth today and stuck it firmly down the throat of David Cameron.
It helped that the subject was Europe and that the path to the Prime Minister's tonsils had already been greased by buckets of unmentionable awfulness poured on him by former friends and eager foes.
But even outside help could not disguise the Labour leader's pleasure at finally getting a hook into someone who has A-levels in being out of the room, if not out of the country, when the smelly stuff hits the fan. And of course that is why Dave cannot wriggle out of this one, since its out of the country where the problem lies. And you could see that is just where he wanted to be when Ed asked him what exactly he planned to do about Europe.
You could tell he was in trouble by the number of words used in the answer and the increasingly blank looks of those around him. Ed wanted to know which powers Dave would be asking Brussels to hand back to Britain in the event of a renegotiation of the treaty. Any proper answer to this question would drop Dave in it, so he mumbled, waved, pointed and threatened his way through a full set of sentences and sat down.
There was a short silence as the listeners translated what he had said back into English and realised they had just lost two minutes out of their lives. Dropping Johnny Foreigner into the conversation is still enough to get handfuls of votes for Tory wannabe's, and pledging to widen the English Channel will certainly win the backing of such democratic institutions as the Sun and the Daily Mail; not to mention the usual suspects at the Daily Telegraph.
But the relative silence in the House of Commons during Prime Ministers Questions made you wonder just how many had really meant their anti-European stance, now that doing something about it might be a possibility.
As Dave dodged, dived and rambled on, further down the front bench slumped -- but not quite sleeping -- sat Ken Clarke, who had further rattled his leader by saying out loud earlier what Dave wants to say but dare not: that no powers can be won back and he was only joking if anyone thought he wanted a referendum.
Ken, who must check under his ministerial car every night, slumped further when Dave was asked if he agreed with him. Tory MP after MP was sweetness and light as they questioned Dave over his plans, but a study of his coded replies revealed only that he wasn't going to hang himself today.
As he rambled on, his Deputy Nick looked alternately pained and alarmed at what was going on. He knows a referendum would crush the Coalition and any draw back from Europe would be deadly for him.
As PMQs staggered towards closing time the Father of the House, Sir Peter Tapsell, shook himself awake and asked Dave to make sure when he is in Brussels to ask the Germans to study the Boston Tea Party. "No taxation without representation", said Sir Peter, as MPs cheered and wondered if he had been around for the original drafting.
Peter McHugh is the former Director of Programmes at GMTV and Chief Executive Officer of Quiddity Productions.
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14 comments
Cameron is nothing but piss and wind but he is good at spin and PR. He also has the sort of face you want to slap. He got a good and well deserved verbal slapping from EM. Keep up the good work.
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Miliband jumped on a very easy Conserative bandwaggon regarding Europe
then jumped off at speed to talk about jumbo jets and the economy on both he lost! Message to Ed when you catch a big fish why let it off the hook?
Also if a referendum at this time is such a good idea why has Ed not called for one, Oh it's not a good idea but i'm known for being opportunistic rather like Boris Johnson.
Some folks are so easily pleased. The only shooting Miliband did was to shoot himself in the foot. Why don't we just end all this nonsense and give the British people, what all promised, but no one delivered that referendum, or is that taking democracy a little bit too far?
Who are these people on here, and elsewhere, who have the audacity to speak for "The British People"!? I don't recall any of them standing for office. By what impertinence do they assume to speak for "us"?
Personally, I'm sick to death of these self-appointed armchair pundits and paranoids.
This is great news for the Country, the Tories will be eventualy brought down by Europe,and by their own hand.
Director of Programmes at GMTV?
Didnt GMTV only have just the one programme?????????
Sounds like a cushy non job to me.
@swatantra nandanwar,
If that happen we should have a bank holiday to celebrate.
Dont worry, there will be a Tory Troll along in a minute to tell us that Cameron really won, and wiped the floor with Miliband.
Please don't shoot the Pm, he's only trying to do his best. But the Tory Post Maastricht 'Bastards' have got it in for him. They are determined to bring the House down. Good luck to them. But at the end of the day Dave won't veto; its Country before Party. There's too much at stake. Sir Peter Tapsell is a disgrace.
The problem is that the right would love to provoke a split in the coalition that would lead to a general election - and the destruction of the Lib Dems + a Tory majority.
If the right wing of the troll bring a early generale election the tories will not gain a majority because there are too many dissatify tory whothey'll be voting UKIP,which will leave the new coallition lab/lib/dem, i don't think one party will get a majority the country is too devided on the recession should we do the cuts or shoukld we boost the growth with more borrowing?
nourredine - no, 'the country' is not divided on whether there should be cuts or boost growth with borrowing. The Tory/LibDem story is winning (unfortunately) and 'the country' believes it.
'Freeman,
Yes now but near time people will think more carefully specialy with Europe,pension and all the cuts were it affected the poor areas,without forgetting the august riot with young people going to prison for nicking a bottle of water when the MP's steel our money and still do it, they putting expenses at the cost of pennys and it cost us pounds to process,disgusting.
Yes the penny will drop near the time.
the labour will get some lib/dem MP's and will snatch the next election.