PMQs sketch: Grilled Miliband followed sautéed Clegg

The PM could not believe how he has gone from zero to hero without any planning.

Unemployment in the UK fell by one this morning when the Deputy Prime Minister came out of hiding and returned to his main job of being the present most people don't want for Christmas.

That is not to say he was not welcomed at the final Prime Ministers Questions of the year, since MPs on all sides of the house were more than happy to snack on him before heading off for more fulsome seasonal fare.

Indeed the volume of the welcome following his decision to go on the run just 48 hours ago might have been pleasing had he not noticed the increased sound was coming from the knives being sharpened all around him.

So it was unsurprising that as he finally took his traditional place next to the Prime Minister he kept looking nervously about him. But he need not have worried because sautéed Clegg had been taken off the menu to be replaced by grilled Miliband.

It had not meant to be this way following Dave's Churchillian gesture last Friday to everyone without a UK passport. Even on Monday, with Nick Clegg cowering under his desk, Ed M and his advisors thought they were heading into the Christmas recess with the Coalition in disarray and its leadership daggers drawn over Europe.

But what they had not counted on was the pulling power of power itself, and that insults could fly and feet could be stamped but not stamped out of office.

What they also had not counted on was the public's support for Dave's two fingers to everything foreign. As PMQs began it was clear that Tory MPs were pleased enough to eat themselves never mind Nick Clegg and they were more than happy to add Ed M to the menu.

The Prime Minister ,who cannot believe how he has gone from zero to hero without any planning ,was equally at home in a place where so often he has had to resort to decibels rather than debate to get him through the half hour. Indeed so confident was he that his minder Chancellor George took time out to move down the Government front bench for a bit of pre-Christmas gossip with Cabinet colleagues.

With the worst unemployment figures for 17 years the Labour leader was on relatively safe ground as he reminded the PM that his Christmas message a year ago had been about jobs ."What went wrong? "he said.

In PMQs past Dave's collar would already been tightening around his neck producing those wonderful autumnal hues so associated with an out-of-depth Prime Minister.

But there was none of that today as he turned to his now adoring back benchers and announced he would not take any lectures from Labour.

And then Ed turned to Europe. On the surface the clash between Lib-Dems and Tories in the Coalition over Europe would appear to be rich pickings for Labour. But this assumes that Labour has a position on Europe that is both agreed and popular and neither of these are true. Indeed the whole sub-text of today's PMQs could be found in two opinion polls published this morning which were carried out AFTER Cameron wielded his veto.

Both polls put the Tories two points ahead of Labour for the first time since December 2010 and show majority support for the PM over Europe. Even though they were never raised the existence of these extra elephants were enough to un-nerve Ed and give Dave a rare win. As Labour slumped and Lib-Dems slumped further the PM looked as if he would lick himself if he could. There is a real poll going on today in the Feltham and Heston constituency just west of London where Labour is defending a 4000 majority from the general election.

Nineteen months into this parliament with record unemployment, the worst economic crisis for 80 years and at loggerheads with Europe, Dave should be up to his throat in it leaving Ed with the rewards.

Watch this space.

Peter McHugh is the former Director of Programmes at GMTV and Chief Executive Officer of Quiddity Productions.

Peter McHugh is the former Director of Programmes at GMTV and Chief Executive Officer of Quiddity Productions

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The deafening killer - why noise will be the next great pollution scandal

A growing body of evidence shows that noise can have serious health impacts too. 

Our cities are being poisoned by a toxin that surrounds us day and night. It eats away at our brains, hurts our hearts, clutches at our sleep, and gnaws at the quality of our daily lives.

Hardly a silent killer, it gets short shrift compared to the well-publicised terrors of air pollution and sugars food. It is the dull, thumping, stultifying drum-beat of perpetual noise.

The score that accompanies city life is brutal and constant. It disrupts the everyday: The coffee break ruined by the screech of a line of double decker buses braking at the lights. The lawyer’s conference call broken by drilling as she makes her way to the office. The writer’s struggle to find a quiet corner to pen his latest article.

For city-dwellers, it’s all-consuming and impossible to avoid. Construction, traffic, the whirring of machinery, the neighbour’s stereo. Even at home, the beeps and buzzes made by washing machines, fridges, and phones all serve to distract and unsettle.

But the never-ending noisiness of city life is far more than a problem of aesthetics. A growing body of evidence shows that noise can have serious health impacts too. Recent studies have linked noise pollution to hearing loss, sleep deprivation, hypertension, heart disease, brain development, and even increased risk of dementia.

One research team compared families living on different stories of the same building in Manhattan to isolate the impact of noise on health and education. They found children in lower, noisier floors were worse at reading than their higher-up peers, an effect that was most pronounced for children who had lived in the building for longest.

Those studies have been replicated for the impact of aircraft noise with similar results. Not only does noise cause higher blood pressure and worsens quality of sleep, it also stymies pupils trying to concentrate in class.

As with many forms of pollution, the poorest are typically the hardest hit. The worst-off in any city often live by busy roads in poorly-insulated houses or flats, cheek by jowl with packed-in neighbours.

The US Department of Transport recently mapped road and aircraft noise across the United States. Predictably, the loudest areas overlapped with some of the country’s most deprived. Those included the south side of Atlanta and the lowest-income areas of LA and Seattle.

Yet as noise pollution grows in line with road and air traffic and rising urban density, public policy has turned a blind eye.

Council noise response services, formally a 24-hour defence against neighbourly disputes, have fallen victim to local government cuts. Decisions on airport expansion and road development pay scant regard to their audible impact. Political platforms remain silent on the loudest poison.

This is odd at a time when we have never had more tools at our disposal to deal with the issue. Electric Vehicles are practically noise-less, yet noise rarely features in the arguments for their adoption. Just replacing today’s bus fleet would transform city centres; doing the same for taxis and trucks would amount to a revolution.

Vehicles are just the start. Millions were spent on a programme of “Warm Homes”; what about “Quiet Homes”? How did we value the noise impact in the decision to build a third runway at Heathrow, and how do we compensate people now that it’s going ahead?

Construction is a major driver of decibels. Should builders compensate “noise victims” for over-drilling? Or could regulation push equipment manufacturers to find new ways to dampen the sound of their kit?

Of course, none of this addresses the noise pollution we impose on ourselves. The bars and clubs we choose to visit or the music we stick in our ears. Whether pumping dance tracks in spin classes or indie rock in trendy coffee shops, people’s desire to compensate for bad noise out there by playing louder noise in here is hard to control for.

The Clean Air Act of 1956 heralded a new era of city life, one where smog and grime gave way to clear skies and clearer lungs. That fight still goes on today.

But some day, we will turn our attention to our clogged-up airwaves. The decibels will fall. #Twitter will give way to twitter. And every now and again, as we step from our homes into city life, we may just hear the sweetest sound of all. Silence.

Adam Swersky is a councillor in Harrow and is cabinet member for finance. He writes in a personal capacity.