Boundary changes: the rumours

Could Vince Cable and Chuka Umunna lose their seats? Here is a full list of the rumours circulating

MPs are queuing up in Portcullis House to get a first look at the proposed boundary changes, which have just been released. The changes are under embargo until midnight tonight, but some rumours are already leaking out.

Some 50 MPs could face losing their seats. It is speculated that three cabinet members could be at risk: the Chancellor, George Osborne, the Energy Secretary, Chris Huhne and the Chief Secretary to the Treasury, Danny Alexander.

Boundary changes not only change safe seats into marginals (and vice versa); they can also end up pitting members of the same party against each other.

Here are some of the rumours circulating around Westminster at the moment:

- Nick Clegg could also face problems. Paul Waugh reports that his constituency might be gaining a section of Labour Sheffield, which would dilute his share of the vote.

- Vince Cable's Twickenham seat could be merged with Zac Goldsmith's Richmond Park. It is unconfirmed whether Cable will be losing his seat.

- If these rumours are true, there is lots of bad news for prominent Liberal Democrats. The outspoken party president, Tim Farron, may have his constituency carved up between John Woodcock's Barrow and Furness and Rory Stewart's Penrith. If both Farron and Cable lose their seats, there is likely to be a Lib Dem backlash against the bill.

- It's not all bad for the Lib Dems though. Simon Hughes' seat is set to become Bermondsey and Waterloo, which Mark Ferguson reports may be even safer post-changes.

- There could be some tough choices for Labour. Changes to Streatham mean that rising star and shadow business minister, Chuka Umunna, could lose his seat, as could Kate Hooey.

- Ed Balls' seat is reportedly being split into Leeds South and Outwood and Leeds South-West and Morley.

We'll be confirming (or not) these rumours when more concrete information becomes available.

Samira Shackle is a freelance journalist, who tweets @samirashackle. She was formerly a staff writer for the New Statesman.

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An alternative Trainspotting script for John Humphrys’ Radio 4 “Choose Life” tribute

Born chippy.

Your mole often has Radio 4’s Today programme babbling away comfortingly in the background while emerging blinking from the burrow. So imagine its horror this morning, when the BBC decided to sully this listening experience with John Humphrys doing the “Choose Life” monologue from Trainspotting.

“I chose not to choose life: I chose something else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you’ve got Radio 4?” he concluded, as a nation cringed.

Introduced as someone who has “taken issue with modernity”, Humphrys launched into the film character Renton’s iconic rant against the banality of modern life.

But Humphrys’ role as in-studio curmudgeon is neither endearing nor amusing to this mole. Often tasked with stories about modern technology and digital culture by supposedly mischievous editors, Humphrys sounds increasingly cranky and ill-informed. It doesn’t exactly make for enlightening interviews. So your mole has tampered with the script. Here’s what he should have said:

“Choose life. Choose a job and then never retire, ever. Choose a career defined by growling and scoffing. Choose crashing the pips three mornings out of five. Choose a fucking long contract. Choose interrupting your co-hosts, politicians, religious leaders and children. Choose sitting across the desk from Justin Webb at 7.20 wondering what you’re doing with your life. Choose confusion about why Thought for the Day is still a thing. Choose hogging political interviews. Choose anxiety about whether Jim Naughtie’s departure means there’s dwindling demand for grouchy old men on flagship political radio shows. Choose a staunch commitment to misunderstanding stories about video games and emoji. Choose doing those stories anyway. Choose turning on the radio and wondering why the fuck you aren’t on on a Sunday morning as well. Choose sitting on that black leather chair hosting mind-numbing spirit-crushing game shows (Mastermind). Choose going over time at the end of it all, pishing your last few seconds on needlessly combative questions, nothing more than an obstacle to that day’s editors being credited. Choose your future. Choose life . . .”

I'm a mole, innit.