The Staggers

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PMQs sketch: Dave's Darling

"He's on another planet," said Ed of the PM, with the look of a man who wished he could join him.

By Peter McHugh Published 07 September 2011 17:30

Those who have yet to buy a copy of Alistair Darling's book on his time with the Great Sulk should rush out and get one, because it is the only way to make sense of the farce that was the first Prime Minister's Questions since MPs took themselves off in July for their several holidays.

With the economy on its uppers, inflation on the increase and growth shrinking, we all knew what the hot topic of the day would be, as Ed (fresh from his nose job) set about Dave (poshly sunburnt; despite having to pop back to town for a few days because of the riots and Libya). Indeed, Ed had to be up for it following recent opinion polls showing Labour just a couple of percentage points ahead of the Tories, despite almost a year under his care.

And so Ed let Dave have it with both barrels: Why is the Government holding elections for police commissioners in November instead of next May?

Earlier, Dave had been seen in earnest last-minute conversations with Chancellor George (equally sun-tanned), being briefed on what tack to take when Ed launched his economy broadside; but this one seemed to stun him.

Indeed, the Commons fell silent for a moment as Members on all sides considered the import of this, the first question to the Prime Minister after such a tumultuous period in our national affairs.

The real reason for this question and the smile it brought to Dave's face had been spotted tucked under his arm by an eagle-eyed reporter as he entered the Chamber: a well-thumbed copy of Alistair's book.

The curse of the Ali/Alastairs is becoming a common thread in recent Labour history, and Alistair D's intervention seems to be at least as unhelpful as many of those attributed to Alastair Campbell.

In the latest Alastair missive, details of his tortuous relationship with Gordon Brown and the Stasi-like behaviour of his team, led by enforcer Ed Balls, are revealed; not unlike the revelations of the books by the other A. It should be remembered that Ed M was praised for his bravery by keeping Ed B away from the Treasury brief when he first took over as leader. But that bold plan was quickly dropped when Alan Johnson, Ed's odd choice for Shadow Chancellor, fell by the wayside.

Just to make matters worse, Darling recounts that Labour's 2009 budget was conceived in chaos and resulted in a complete mess of an economic policy; a bit of a bummer, since this is the plan the Opposition is presently sticking to.

With Ed the Enforcer sitting just a couple of seats away, it was soon obvious that Ed the Leader had decided to bottle it. After the questions on police commissioners came questions on waiting lists, and Cameron's grin only widened. "He's on another planet" said Ed, with the look of a man who wished he could join him.

This let Dave in with the one answer to the Labour Leader he hadn't expected to utter: "He doesn't dare in six questions to mention the economy". Even Nick smiled at that one.

With party conference season just around the corner, MPs back from their hols on Monday will be off again in just ten days for another three weeks of naval gazing. Dave must be delighted that despite presiding over the worst economic crisis for 60 years, he is still personally popular and his party almost up there with Labour in the polls. All he has to do is persuade the recidivists that the Lib Dems aren't getting away with blue murder. Nick has to persuade his lot they are.

Ed Miliband should have had the easiest job of all, but with the recent polls and today's performance, is the jury out again?

As Bill Clinton said: "It's the economy, stupid."

Peter McHugh is the former Director of Programmes at GMTV and Chief Executive Officer of Quiddity Productions.

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Tags: PMQs Alistair Darling

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12 comments

Thu, 2011-09-08 10:05 — Mrs,M L Bonwick-Jones (not verified)

George Osborne needs to get rid of the
50% Tax Rate, it was only put there to make Gordon Brown look good, it was also only ment as a temp measure but it is holding back the economy, George Osborne needs to do what is right for the country instead of following what is popular!
I have heard that you can merge NI
and Income Tax with a personal allowance of £10,000 and a Tax Rate of
40-45% above that, Give 50% rebate on pension Income and 25% rebate on self-employment- I hope i have got all that in the correct way!
I know this will mean that rates will be lower for higher earnersthen what they are now but that means that they will have more to spend ans invest so therefore jobs and growth will be created But you need to make sure this happens for only the people who are creating jobs , not those who are interested only in personal wealth! I am sure there are other ways of dealing with the rich and tax-dodgers but we should not let the politics of envy stop us from dealing with this mess, and Lib Dems-Just be quiet!

Thu, 2011-09-08 10:05 — Mrs,M L Bonwick-Jones (not verified)

Thu, 2011-09-08 10:11 — Mrs,M L Bonwick-Jones (not verified)

Sorry that my message has been repeated
several times-I have managed to upset my computer yet again!!!

Thu, 2011-09-08 11:27 — Frederick James (not verified)

Splendid idea, swatantra: Heaven forfend that the electors should at last find out Brown and Balls' dirty little secrets. Darling has told the truth, the traitor. BURN HIM!

Thu, 2011-09-08 11:45 — swatantra nandanwar

Darling was only the messenger, not the organ grinder. So don't shoot the pianist.

Wed, 2011-10-12 19:07 — Lady J (not verified)

Bonwick-Jones.

Who was at the heart of briefing the media and the Tories, thereby undermining the Brown government; just as they are currently doing with Ed?

Name one one Blairite, even cabinet members who appeared on TV/RADIO and defended their leader (Brown at the time) to the same extend they always do when Bliar is mentioned.

How many books has the Bliarites written, attacking Brown or anyone associated with him, even after he resigned. Despite the torrent of attacks and I am sure for the sake of the Labour Party, Brown maintains his dignity by not hitting back?

How many clandestine meetings, which Darling confirmed on the BBC, did the traitors have to find ways of getting rid of Brown.

You will be blind to the world we live in today if you cannot accurately the actions of traitors. people's actions. The written word will very rarely enlighten you.

The Bliarites are traitors to the the Labour party.

Wed, 2011-09-07 17:51 — swatantra nandanwar

Any chance of the Party carpeting Darling and giving him a disciplinary? No I thought not. These disloyal high echelon knockers like Blunkett, Prezza and the other one always seem to get away with it.

Wed, 2011-09-07 18:50 — Lady J (not verified)

Peter
Like the rest of the media you are living on another planet.

As usual the mediua continue to give Dodgy Dave the credit he does not desrve. I watched QT. Ed, your analyses does a dis-service to Ed's brilliant questioning.

Catching the opposition unaware, the first stategy in battle. Remember? Had nothing to do with 'bottling it'.

ALISTAIR DARLING AND THE REST OF THE TRAITORS IN THE LABOUR PARTY, SORRY, I MEANT THE BLAIRITES RESIGN YOUR MEMBERSHIPS AND JOIN THE TORIES.

Wed, 2011-09-07 19:13 — Mrs,M L Bonwick-Jones (not verified)

@ Lady J Why are Blairites traitors?
Ed Miliband is never brilliant, he jumps on far too many bandwagons to be that! even his appointment as Labour Leader was the result of jumping on the Labour election bandwagon one he didnot expect to win. Ed Miliband is a decent chap i'm sure but he is not about winning elections , he is about reconnecting with the past, but he is not some kind of 'working class hero' who will take labour back to it's socialist roots, and David Cameron always treats him with utter contempt, the leader of the opposition is not even on the Prime Ministers radar , for people to take notice of him he needs to say what is right which may not be what is popular, and Darling like Alan Johnson and Jack Straw were the good guys.

Wed, 2011-09-07 19:20 — Indu Pendent (not verified)

'so Ed "theoretically the leader" Milliband let Dave have it with both barrels'

Dont think so some how - fresh out of posh school debating club Ed fires blanks, jumps on bandwagons and people dont takes him seriously. There is a complete lack of enthusiam in the country for EM to be PM.

The whole current Labour set up is a big mess and is unelectable whilst it has the wrong kind of Balls. Is it right that Ed (swaggers in a starched uniform) is Stasi?
http://www.thejc.com/news/uk-news/31346/ed-balls-nazi-costume-attacked-v...

Nice guy. Even before reading Alistair's book.

I'm 100% certain, Herr Balls wont be standing down in the interests of the party - he's another Gordon who wont be elected but will murder his way to the top instead.

It can happen so it will happen in Labour - its a let down for those ordinary people who give their support believing its for a higher cause than propelling a small elite into power.

Wed, 2011-09-07 21:06 — Hugh Markey (not verified)

We're flabbergasted the Tories are not following the 'Darling' economic model to the letter.
Of course the Tories wanted to show they could reduce the deficit in half the time Alistair had pencilled in to his economic strategy: some allowance should be made for this youthful enthusiasm.
However, talking down the '50 pence tax' on rich gadabouts is pushing things. The LibDems are now decidedly antsy.
Perhaps George should re-read Darling's biodegradable manual and explain it to tailor's dummy Cameron in words of one syllable.
And we thought David had got a 'First' and George a 'Second', or some such honourable mention.

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