Bad news for Cameron is not automatically good news for Miliband

Cameron's proximity to the phone-hacking scandal is damaging, but Miliband needs to be cautious in h

David Cameron is in for a rough few days. His former director of communications, Andy Coulson, is now accused of paying police for information. Coulson's involvement in phone-hacking resulted in his resignation; his alleged involvement in paying-off policemen, however, may result in prison.

This would be a bad break for any Prime Minister. But it doesn't stop there for Cameron. His flame-haired, horse riding buddy, Rebekah Brooks, is at the forefront of the Milly Dowler scandal.

Cameron has already stuck his neck out for Brooks once. According to Private Eye, Cameron talked Murdoch out of sacking Brooks earlier this year. Murdoch will be kicking himself.

On top of this, Cameron will face intense public pressure to put the kibosh on News Corporation's attempted takeover of BSkyB. If this doesn't go through, then Murdoch will be kicking Cameron.

Oh, and it's PMQs today, where Ed Miliband will no doubt give all the above issues a good airing.

Right now, what is bad for News International, is bad for Cameron. This does not mean, however, that it is all good news for Ed Miliband. Miliband has already called on Brooks to go. If - by some miracle - Brooks survives (and judging by the frantic briefing and counter-briefing that her, Coulson and Will Lewis are involved in, she is certainly trying to), this will be the second time since May that Miliband has called on someone close to Cameron to resign, only for them to turn and flick V's at him and stay exactly where they are.

As recently as two weeks ago, Miliband was happy to chomp on canapés with Brooks and co at the News International summer party. Cameron is up to his neck in News International's cesspit - but Miliband and Labour have certainly had a paddle. Miliband needs to be cautious and smart in his attacks on Cameron, and not look like he sprinting after a passing bandwagon. Cameron's proximity to the phone-hacking scandal has damaged him; Miliband need not lay it on too thick.

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An alternative Trainspotting script for John Humphrys’ Radio 4 “Choose Life” tribute

Born chippy.

Your mole often has Radio 4’s Today programme babbling away comfortingly in the background while emerging blinking from the burrow. So imagine its horror this morning, when the BBC decided to sully this listening experience with John Humphrys doing the “Choose Life” monologue from Trainspotting.

“I chose not to choose life: I chose something else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you’ve got Radio 4?” he concluded, as a nation cringed.

Introduced as someone who has “taken issue with modernity”, Humphrys launched into the film character Renton’s iconic rant against the banality of modern life.

But Humphrys’ role as in-studio curmudgeon is neither endearing nor amusing to this mole. Often tasked with stories about modern technology and digital culture by supposedly mischievous editors, Humphrys sounds increasingly cranky and ill-informed. It doesn’t exactly make for enlightening interviews. So your mole has tampered with the script. Here’s what he should have said:

“Choose life. Choose a job and then never retire, ever. Choose a career defined by growling and scoffing. Choose crashing the pips three mornings out of five. Choose a fucking long contract. Choose interrupting your co-hosts, politicians, religious leaders and children. Choose sitting across the desk from Justin Webb at 7.20 wondering what you’re doing with your life. Choose confusion about why Thought for the Day is still a thing. Choose hogging political interviews. Choose anxiety about whether Jim Naughtie’s departure means there’s dwindling demand for grouchy old men on flagship political radio shows. Choose a staunch commitment to misunderstanding stories about video games and emoji. Choose doing those stories anyway. Choose turning on the radio and wondering why the fuck you aren’t on on a Sunday morning as well. Choose sitting on that black leather chair hosting mind-numbing spirit-crushing game shows (Mastermind). Choose going over time at the end of it all, pishing your last few seconds on needlessly combative questions, nothing more than an obstacle to that day’s editors being credited. Choose your future. Choose life . . .”

I'm a mole, innit.