The Staggers

The New Statesman’s rolling politics blog

The royal baby: “Aww!” or “ARGH!”?

Through computer wizardry, the NS can reveal what Kate and Wills’s baby might look like. Or not.

By Duncan Robinson Published 27 April 2011 13:51

Through computer wizardry, the NS can reveal what Kate and Wills’s baby might look like. Or not.

The forthcoming royal wedding isn't about love or romance – it's all about babies. The wedding is simply a bureaucratic hoop to jump through in order to legitimise the progeny of the royal loins, as Will Self argues in this week's New Statesman, on sale now.

"But what will the baby look like?" I hear you cry. Well, cry no more.

Through technical wizardry, we can reveal exactly what Kate and Wills's baby will look like. Sort of.

Ta da! Say hello to your future king or queen (we can't really tell). We think it's better than the Sun's effort anyway . . .

More from Duncan Robinson

View the discussion thread.

12 comments

Wed, 2011-04-27 15:49 — Sophie (not verified)

EUGHHHH THAT IS REVOLTING

Thu, 2011-04-28 07:22 — Luddite (not verified)

What awful vindictive politics, taking-out your pent-up political fruition's on a unborn child.

Fri, 2011-04-29 09:20 — jie4v7i14

Christ, fair play Alison, that is simply brilliant. gobsmacked from wales.

Wed, 2011-04-27 14:01 — swatantra

The sooner William leaves the Armed Forces the sooner he can get himself a decent haircut. A close crop does not suit him. Their 'child' has distinctly Victorian features.
But best wishes to the couple and a happy and glorious wedding day.

Wed, 2011-04-27 15:58 — Ron (not verified)

Will Self is an idiot. Only the heir to the throne needs to behave in such a manner and, of course, he did - Diana was Charles' virginal brood mare, ans we all saw how well that worked out.

There is absolutely no reason to wish that on Kate and William.

And that baby is a 40-year-old dwarf. Don't you have anyone on the staff who actually knows what babies look like?

Wed, 2011-04-27 18:58 — lusina

If that's the baby, better they think twice about it - poor dears

Wed, 2011-04-27 20:23 — ang (not verified)

Your mock up looks like queen victoria.
What ever the child looks like, you can be sure it won't have any disabilities, no matter how many times it takes.
Also Olivia Newton John is a very attractive woman, but reportedly had a very ugly daughter. Shit happens, but in the world of celebrity, it is hidden away.

Wed, 2011-04-27 20:58 — jie4v7i14

ang, Kate will have super-scans, and super-blood tests to see if everything is ok. Tests not available on the NHS to us commoners, no doubt.

Fri, 2011-04-29 00:34 — jie4v7i14

ang - no doubt Kate and Wills have healthy eggs and sperm in deep freeze storage as we spreak. That is all they need is to ask that Winston bloke to get his test-tubes out if there is problems.

Don't panic.

Fri, 2011-04-29 00:38 — jie4v7i14

But saying that, it could result in the first quintuplets royal birth. Now that is a headache, for the heir. First out, I suppose.

Alison Goldfrapp and Will,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHJbltAPNGA