David Miliband’s party tips

The key to success? “Get the nibbles in.”

The Labour leadership contender David Miliband has published a six-page guide for supporters on how to throw a house party, which includes such pearls of wisdom as "Get the nibbles in", "Decide on the people you want to invite" and "Invite them".

The guide, part of an attempt to emulate Barack Obama's grass-roots campaign strategy of getting supporters to hold "house meetings" that broaden the candidate's appeal, also includes a suggested timetable for the evening. Hosts are advised to return home from work at 5.30 and "give the place a quick vacuum". Guests will start arriving at 7pm, at which point you must take their coats and "more importantly, get them to fill in the sign-in sheet".

After two whole hours of sex, drugs and nibbles -- and perhaps even a screening of this video address by David Miliband himself -- the party should end at 9pm sharp. "Finish the meeting with a thank you for the commitments people have made," the guide says. (And make sure nobody has passed out in the cupboard under the stairs, no doubt.)

In response to criticism that the guide was "patronising", a spokeswoman for the Mililband campaign told BBC News: "If you want to be leader you need to know how to organise a party . . . It's not a diktat. It's light-hearted. You can tell from the tone of it."

Reports cannot be confirmed that David's brother and fellow leadership contender, Ed, has hired the rock musician Andrew WK -- aka "THE KING OF PARTYING" -- to advise on his own house meeting strategy. Andrew WK's "party tips", which he issues to his followers on Twitter, include the following:

"Life isn't about waiting for the rain to pass. It's about partying hard in the rain and getting wet!"

"Sometimes the best things in life aren't free. GO TO A FASTFOOD RESTAURANT TODAY!"

"Ponder the fact that if your parents hadn't partied, you wouldn't exist."

"Take a giant sea turtle, and gently remove its shell. Then fill the shell with chips and dip!"

And, most importantly:

"Always remember to pleasure yourself."

Grass-roots activists, take note.

Daniel Trilling is the Editor of New Humanist magazine. He was formerly an Assistant Editor at the New Statesman.

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Theresa May missed an easy opportunity on EU citizens' rights

If the UK had made a big, open and generous offer, the diplomatic picture would be very different.

It's been seven hours and 365 days...and nothing compares to EU, at least as far as negotiations go.

First David Davis abandoned "the row of the summer" by agreeing to the EU's preferred negotiating timetable. Has Theresa May done the same in guaranteeing the rights of EU citizens living here indefinitely?

Well, sort of. Although the PM has said that there have to be reciprocal arrangements for British citizens abroad, the difficulty is that because we don't have ID cards and most of our public services are paid for not out of an insurance system but out of general taxation, the issues around guaranteeing access to health, education, social security and residence are easier.

Our ability to enforce a "cut-off date" for new migrants from the European Union is also illusory, unless the government thinks it has the support in parliament and the logistical ability to roll out an ID card system by March 2019. (It doesn't.)

If you want to understand how badly the PM has managed Britain's Brexit negotiations, then the rights of the three million EU nationals living in Britain is the best place to start. The overwhelming support in the country at large for guaranteeing the rights of EU citizens, coupled with the deep unease among Conservative MPs about not doing so, meant that it was never a plausible bargaining chip. (That's before you remember that the bulk of the British diaspora in Europe lives in countries with small numbers of EU citizens living in the UK. You can't secure a good deal from Spain by upsetting the Polish government.) It just made three million people, their friends and their families nervous for a year and irritated our European partners, that's all.

If the United Kingdom had made a big, open and generous offer on citizens' rights a year ago, as Vote Leave recommended in the referendum, the diplomatic picture would be very different. (It would be better still if, again, as Vote Leave argued, we hadn't triggered Article 50, an exit mechanism designed to punish an emergent dictatorship that puts all the leverage on the EU27's side.)

As it happens, May's unforced errors in negotiations, the worsening economic picture and the tricky balancing act in the House of Commons means that Remainers can hope both for a softer exit and that they might yet convince voters that nothing compares to EU after all. (That a YouGov poll shows the number of people willing to accept EU rules in order to keep the economy going stretching to 58 per cent will only further embolden the soft Brexiteers.)

For Brexiteers, that means that if Brexit doesn't go well, they have a readymade scapegoat in the government. It means Remainers can credibly hope for a soft Brexit – or no Brexit at all. 

Stephen Bush is special correspondent at the New Statesman. His daily briefing, Morning Call, provides a quick and essential guide to domestic and global politics.

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