David Miliband’s party tips

The key to success? “Get the nibbles in.”

The Labour leadership contender David Miliband has published a six-page guide for supporters on how to throw a house party, which includes such pearls of wisdom as "Get the nibbles in", "Decide on the people you want to invite" and "Invite them".

The guide, part of an attempt to emulate Barack Obama's grass-roots campaign strategy of getting supporters to hold "house meetings" that broaden the candidate's appeal, also includes a suggested timetable for the evening. Hosts are advised to return home from work at 5.30 and "give the place a quick vacuum". Guests will start arriving at 7pm, at which point you must take their coats and "more importantly, get them to fill in the sign-in sheet".

After two whole hours of sex, drugs and nibbles -- and perhaps even a screening of this video address by David Miliband himself -- the party should end at 9pm sharp. "Finish the meeting with a thank you for the commitments people have made," the guide says. (And make sure nobody has passed out in the cupboard under the stairs, no doubt.)

In response to criticism that the guide was "patronising", a spokeswoman for the Mililband campaign told BBC News: "If you want to be leader you need to know how to organise a party . . . It's not a diktat. It's light-hearted. You can tell from the tone of it."

Reports cannot be confirmed that David's brother and fellow leadership contender, Ed, has hired the rock musician Andrew WK -- aka "THE KING OF PARTYING" -- to advise on his own house meeting strategy. Andrew WK's "party tips", which he issues to his followers on Twitter, include the following:

"Life isn't about waiting for the rain to pass. It's about partying hard in the rain and getting wet!"

"Sometimes the best things in life aren't free. GO TO A FASTFOOD RESTAURANT TODAY!"

"Ponder the fact that if your parents hadn't partied, you wouldn't exist."

"Take a giant sea turtle, and gently remove its shell. Then fill the shell with chips and dip!"

And, most importantly:

"Always remember to pleasure yourself."

Grass-roots activists, take note.

Daniel Trilling is the Editor of New Humanist magazine. He was formerly an Assistant Editor at the New Statesman.

Photo: Getty
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Gerald Kaufman dies aged 86

Before becoming an MP, Kaufman's varied career included a stint as the NS' theatre critic.

Gerald Kaufman, the Labour MP for Manchester Gorton and former theatre critic at the New Statesman, has died.

Kaufman, who served as the MP for Manchester Gorton continuously from 1970, had a varied career before entering Parliament, working for the Fabian Society in addition to his flourishing career in journalism and as a satirist, writing for That Was The Week That Was and as a leader writer on the Mirror. In 1965, he exchanged the press for politics, working as a press officer and an aide to Harold Wilson before he was elected to parliament in 1970.

Upon Labour’s return to office in 1974, he served as a junior minister until the party’s defeat in 1979, and on the opposition frontbenches until 1992, reaching the position of shadow foreign secretary. In 1999, he was chair of the Man Booker Prize, which that year was won by JM Coetzee’s Disgrace.

His death opens up a by-election in Manchester Gorton, which Labour is expected to win. 

Stephen Bush is special correspondent at the New Statesman. His daily briefing, Morning Call, provides a quick and essential guide to British politics.