CommentPlus: pick of the papers

The ten must-read pieces from this morning’s papers.

1. Forget football. The coalition's game is different (Times)

The parties' differing attitudes to football reveal much about their wider social outlook, writes Rachel Sylvester. While Labour is obsessed with football, a tribal, collective and team-based sport, the Lib-Con government is focused on harnessing individual talent.

2. As the pain begins, Labour must again become the people's party (Daily Telegraph)

Of the four potential Labour leaders, the one who best explains how austerity can shape the common good will win, says Mary Riddell.

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3. Bus pass test for Cameron's mettle (Financial Times)

The PM's willingness or otherwise to remove unjustified perks from wealthy pensioners is a test of his commitment to fairness, says Philip Stephens.

4. The most perilous of cuts is to sever the historical record (Guardian)

Whether or not the government abandons the highly valuable birth cohort studies will tell us a lot about its true intentions, writes Polly Toynbee.

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5. Cameron can't blame it all on Labour (Independent)

David Cameron is determined to suggest that every unpleasant thing the coalition needs to do is the fault of its predecessor, writes Dominic Lawson. But this card will not remain trumps for long.

6. Cameron must address his rhetorical deficit (Times)

Elsewhere, Ben Macintrye says that Cameron must emulate Winston Churchill and use words not merely to explain and persuade, but to inspire and soothe.

7. The oil firms' profits ignore the real costs (Guardian)

Like the banks, the energy industry has long made scant provision against disaster, says George Monbiot. Oil companies should now be forced to pay in to a decommissioning fund.

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8. ID cards were a bad idea from the start (Daily Telegraph)

It was always clear that the passport could act perfectly well as an identity document, writes Philip Johnston.

9. Time to plan for post-Keynesian era (Financial Times)

Jeffrey Sachs administers the last rites to Keynesianism and argues that investment, not stimulus, must be our watchword.

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10. Not so much progressive as painful (Independent)

Cameron and Clegg are genuinely united in their approach to cuts, writes Steve Richards. But the impact of their vision of a smaller state could be damaging.

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I didn't expect to have to choose between a boyfriend and Judi Dench - but it happened

He told me I'd spoiled the cruise by not paying him enough attention. But what was I to do when Dame Judi Dench asked for a chat?

This happened around 20 years ago, in the days when a new boyfriend was staying at my house. One quite memorable mid-morning, the phone rang while we were in bed and it was the editor of the Times; then it rang again (when we were still in bed) and it was Dame Judi Dench. Yes, Judi Dench.

I was as surprised as anyone would be. True, I had recently written a radio monologue for her (about a wistful limpet stuck on a rock), but I hadn’t attended the recording, so I had never met her, or expected ever to hear her say, “Hello, is that Lynne Truss?” in that fabulous Dame Judi voice that only she possesses.

She said that she and her husband, Michael, were often invited to perform public readings; could I help by writing something? Stunned, I said that I would love to. She gave me her number. I hung up.

I can’t remember why I didn’t jump straight out of bed to start work on the Dame Judi project. But what I do remember is that when the phone rang yet again, we ignored it, on the grounds that, post-Judi, it could only be a disappointment.

A few months later, I was invited on a winter cruise, sailing from Colombo in Sri Lanka to Singapore. I took the boyfriend. It was only when we were changing planes at 3am that I spotted, among the other dog-tired passengers, Dame Judi with a group of friends.

Nervously, I went and said hello, what a coincidence. She said that we must talk. Then the holiday began and the boyfriend and I had a wonderful time. We met nice people and enjoyed the ship, although we consistently failed to identify our allotted muster station.

At the end of ten days, we were sitting on deck at Singapore, when I said, “Well, wasn’t that lovely?”

The boyfriend took me aback by saying, “Actually, glad you asked. No, it wasn’t.” I had spoiled the whole experience, he said, by continually talking to other people when I should have been talking to him.

I was very upset. All this time, he’d been unhappy? Casting my mind back, I realised it was true that I had made friends on board (and he hadn’t); also, at dinner, I had openly talked to the person sitting beside me, because I thought you were supposed to.

And now I stood accused of cruise-ruining! “I’ll get us some tea,” I said. “Oh, yes?” he fumed. “You’ll be gone for an hour, as usual.” And I said “No, I won’t. I promise.”

And so I went inside, wiping away my tears, and someone started chatting to me and I squeaked, “Can’t stop.” After that, I just slalomed through the throng with my head down.

Then, as I re-emerged into the sunlight with a prompt, relationship-saving cup and saucer in each hand, there was Judi Dench, and she said, “Shall we have our little chat now?” 

This article first appeared in the 26 May 2016 issue of the New Statesman, The Brexit odd squad