The new cabinet: who’s made it in?

All the new cabinet posts as they come in.

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Britain has its first coalition government since 1945 and the Liberal Democrats are expected to secure five posts in the cabinet. Here are the confirmed posts, along with a few rumours. I'll update this throughout the day as appointments are made.

It's notable that, as things stand, we have an all-male cabinet.

UPDATE: We've got a woman! Theresa May will become the second-ever female home secretary. After many criticised the conspicuous lack of women in cabinet, David Cameron obviously felt he had to hand one of the great offices of state to her. No surprise to see that the serial gaffster Chris Grayling has been dropped.

After strong rumours that he would run the Home Office, it looks like Michael Gove will become schools secretary after all. Ken Clarke has lost Business to Vince Cable and will now serve as justice secretary.

UPDATE: The BBC is reporting that Iain Duncan Smith will be appointed as work and pensions secretary. His work at the Centre for Social Justice makes him a natural for the role. Also worth noting that, with William Hague becoming foreign secretary, we could end up with two former Tory leaders in the cabinet.

UPDATE: David Laws has been named chief secetary to the Treasury. That leaves Philip Hammond without a job, as things stand.

UPDATE: I was right about Grayling not making it into the cabinet, but he has been named deputy to Iain Duncan Smith at the Department for Work and Pensions.

Prime Minister: David Cameron

Deputy Prime Minister: Nick Clegg

First Secretary of State and Foreign Secretary: William Hague

Chancellor of the Exchequer: George Osborne

Lord Chancellor and Justice Secretary: Ken Clarke

Home Secretary and Minister for Women and Equality: Theresa May

Defence Secretary: Liam Fox

Business Secretary: Vince Cable

Work and Pensions Secretary: Iain Duncan Smith

Energy and Climate Change Secretary: Chris Huhne

Health Secretary: Andrew Lansley

Schools Secretary: Michael Gove

Communities Secretary: Eric Pickles

Transport Secretary: Philip Hammond

Environment Secretary: Caroline Spelman

International Development Secretary: Andrew Mitchell

Northern Ireland Secretary: Owen Paterson

Scottish Secretary: Danny Alexander

Welsh Secretary: Cheryl Gillan

Culture Secretary: Jeremy Hunt

Chief Secretary to the Treasury: David Laws

Leader of the House of Lords: Lord Strathclyde

Minister without Portfolio: Baroness Warsi

Special offer: get 12 issues of the New Statesman for just £5.99 plus a free copy of "Liberty in the Age of Terror" by A C Grayling.

George Eaton is political editor of the New Statesman.

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An alternative Trainspotting script for John Humphrys’ Radio 4 “Choose Life” tribute

Born chippy.

Your mole often has Radio 4’s Today programme babbling away comfortingly in the background while emerging blinking from the burrow. So imagine its horror this morning, when the BBC decided to sully this listening experience with John Humphrys doing the “Choose Life” monologue from Trainspotting.

“I chose not to choose life: I chose something else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you’ve got Radio 4?” he concluded, as a nation cringed.

Introduced as someone who has “taken issue with modernity”, Humphrys launched into the film character Renton’s iconic rant against the banality of modern life.

But Humphrys’ role as in-studio curmudgeon is neither endearing nor amusing to this mole. Often tasked with stories about modern technology and digital culture by supposedly mischievous editors, Humphrys sounds increasingly cranky and ill-informed. It doesn’t exactly make for enlightening interviews. So your mole has tampered with the script. Here’s what he should have said:

“Choose life. Choose a job and then never retire, ever. Choose a career defined by growling and scoffing. Choose crashing the pips three mornings out of five. Choose a fucking long contract. Choose interrupting your co-hosts, politicians, religious leaders and children. Choose sitting across the desk from Justin Webb at 7.20 wondering what you’re doing with your life. Choose confusion about why Thought for the Day is still a thing. Choose hogging political interviews. Choose anxiety about whether Jim Naughtie’s departure means there’s dwindling demand for grouchy old men on flagship political radio shows. Choose a staunch commitment to misunderstanding stories about video games and emoji. Choose doing those stories anyway. Choose turning on the radio and wondering why the fuck you aren’t on on a Sunday morning as well. Choose sitting on that black leather chair hosting mind-numbing spirit-crushing game shows (Mastermind). Choose going over time at the end of it all, pishing your last few seconds on needlessly combative questions, nothing more than an obstacle to that day’s editors being credited. Choose your future. Choose life . . .”

I'm a mole, innit.