Web Only: the best of the blogs

The five must-read posts from this weekend, on the green movement, the IMF and the 2014 election.

1. Tory plan to win in 2014

John Rentoul blogs about David Cameron's plan to make constituency sizes equal and says it will, assuming the Tories win the election, make it much harder for Labour to come back in 2014.

2. The climate movement at a crossroads

At Left Foot Forward, Guy Shrubsole considers how the green movement can overcome the crisis of confidence triggered by Copenhagen and "Climategate".

3. Is Tim Montgomerie the most dangerous man in the blogosphere?

Sunder Katwala ask if Tory modernisers are right to fear the influence ConservativeHome's Montgomerie enjoys over party activists.

4. Was this, in effect, the first of the TV debates?

The joint appearance of all three main parties' health spokesmen on today's Politics Show was an important forerunner for the planned TV debates, says PoliticalBetting's Mike Smithson.

5. Denis Healey and the man behind Britain's IMF bailout

Gary Gibbon blogs about meeting Dr Johannes Witteveen, the man in charge of the IMF during its British bailout in 1976.

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An alternative Trainspotting script for John Humphrys’ Radio 4 “Choose Life” tribute

Born chippy.

Your mole often has Radio 4’s Today programme babbling away comfortingly in the background while emerging blinking from the burrow. So imagine its horror this morning, when the BBC decided to sully this listening experience with John Humphrys doing the “Choose Life” monologue from Trainspotting.

“I chose not to choose life: I chose something else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you’ve got Radio 4?” he concluded, as a nation cringed.

Introduced as someone who has “taken issue with modernity”, Humphrys launched into the film character Renton’s iconic rant against the banality of modern life.

But Humphrys’ role as in-studio curmudgeon is neither endearing nor amusing to this mole. Often tasked with stories about modern technology and digital culture by supposedly mischievous editors, Humphrys sounds increasingly cranky and ill-informed. It doesn’t exactly make for enlightening interviews. So your mole has tampered with the script. Here’s what he should have said:

“Choose life. Choose a job and then never retire, ever. Choose a career defined by growling and scoffing. Choose crashing the pips three mornings out of five. Choose a fucking long contract. Choose interrupting your co-hosts, politicians, religious leaders and children. Choose sitting across the desk from Justin Webb at 7.20 wondering what you’re doing with your life. Choose confusion about why Thought for the Day is still a thing. Choose hogging political interviews. Choose anxiety about whether Jim Naughtie’s departure means there’s dwindling demand for grouchy old men on flagship political radio shows. Choose a staunch commitment to misunderstanding stories about video games and emoji. Choose doing those stories anyway. Choose turning on the radio and wondering why the fuck you aren’t on on a Sunday morning as well. Choose sitting on that black leather chair hosting mind-numbing spirit-crushing game shows (Mastermind). Choose going over time at the end of it all, pishing your last few seconds on needlessly combative questions, nothing more than an obstacle to that day’s editors being credited. Choose your future. Choose life . . .”

I'm a mole, innit.