My Journey of Discovery

How death sparked the beginning of a spiritual journey that led to Buddhism and a deep inquiry int

On my twelfth birthday I saw my grandmother’s body not long after she had died. I was puzzled: what had happened to her? She was alive and kicking yesterday, she could hear the ticking of that ancient grandfather clock in the living room yesterday, she was talking to people and eating her meals yesterday, but today . . . what? Now her body was just an empty shell. But where was she, the person? Where was the person that lived in that body? I couldn’t work it out!

I asked many people what death was, but no one seemed to know. Why not? Why didn’t people know? Some said what they believed, but it was all a bit airy-fairy; it was all just belief. Didn’t anyone really know what happened to someone when they died? A few months later I read a book on hypnosis and age regression and became fascinated by it. People were apparently recalling previous lives. Was it true? Did people really live more than once? Why hadn’t anyone mentioned it to me before? I didn’t realise it at the time, but my journey of discovery had begun and it was a very exciting time for me.

During my early teens I read many kinds of books on all manner of subjects to do with spirituality and religion. Somehow I came across Buddhism. Little was known of this strange Eastern religion in the 1950s and early 1960s. But I began to learn about the Buddha’s teachings and to me it was breathtaking.

Here was a religion which didn’t seem like a religion at all. There was no Creator God, and the Buddha was a man, a person just like me, just a human being who asked the questions I was asking about life and death. He diligently sought answers to those questions, first through the holy men of the day in India and then he sought answers within himself, within his own mind, and that was when he came to an amazing discovery.

At least I thought it was amazing, and I devoured every book on Buddhism I could lay my hands on. This was a man, not a god, who wanted answers about life and death, and set about finding them. And that was what I wanted as well. Gradually, over the years I realised I was a Buddhist, and my search became a spiritual journey; I discovered the Buddha’s path.

What struck me the most about the Buddha’s teachings was that life doesn’t end at the death of the physical body, and that what comes after physical death will depend on what went before it, in other words what kind of life we have led, commonly referred to in Buddhism as karma and rebirth.

It felt almost liberating to think that my present life was the result of my own actions in the forgotten past. `If the way I lived in the past has brought me to this situation,’ I thought, `then the way I live now will affect my future.’ That is how I reasoned it out and it felt empowering. It was rather a simplistic understanding, of course, as I was still very young, but it felt fundamentally right and brought a great deal of joy into my life; I just had that feeling that it was true.

I have since come to realise that karma and rebirth is all to do with our states of mind and very little to do with material gain or loss, and the best karma is to get insight into the nature of existence, that we are not the isolated, permanent individuals that we might think we are—that I now see is where our freedom lies from sorrow, and where we will find genuine happiness. And that, for me, is the core of the Buddha’s teaching.

4 comments

aleksan's picture

For me re-incarnation if a Hindu concept - a soul coming round and round again - Re-birth, a Buddhist concept is about the actions in a life giving rise to seeds for other lives - no fixed soul, just continually renewing movement...Sandy

aleksan's picture

Reading through this again I see that re-incarnation has been replaced by re-birth - so they have corrected the mistakes they made - re-incarnation is a concept much better known in the West than re-birth - which might at first sight seem the same thing. The main point here I think is that re-birth denotes new life based on what has gone before so that there is no need for a permanent self or soul - i think that this process goes on at every moment - so the self that begun this comment is different fromn the self that started it - the self as experienced seems permanent but we change in space/time each time we breathe in or out - physically, psychologically and perhaps spiritually whatever that mifgt mean!

aleksan's picture

Another point I take issue with is the bit at the beginning bt NS "Every week a different believer gives the inside track on their religion." Buddhism is surely not about belief in impossible things, as in the God/Afterlife based religions, but about experienytial evidence - did not the Buddha, as you say a man, say that his teaching was about action rather than belief. It seems to me that it is incorrect to describe Buddhists as "Believers" because this label implies received knowledge from a Deity without objective evidence - but the Buddha had a pragmatic, scientific approach - try and and see if it works for you - very different from the religious beliefs based on authoritarian teachings claimed to be Divine and set in stone - I would prefer to be called a Student of the Buddhist Way rather than a Believer (of what I am told by some controlling Priest or Guru!

Admin1's picture

Yes I put my hands up - I made a mistake about rebirth v reincarnation which I quickly corrected once Diana had pointed it out. As to the issue of believer v student, the idea of this blog is to explore what I've loosely called religions. No doubt as time goes we will have blogs that some see as heretical etc. I still think it's interesting to hear what people believe or what paths they follow...

Ben Davies
Editor, newstatesman.com

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