Steven Baxter

Patrolling the murkier waters of the mainstream media

"Why go abroad in 2012?" asks a new TV ad. I'll tell you why

We're a disappointingly saccharine nation at times, steeped in our own myths of the Blitz Spirit and

By Steven Baxter Published 14 March 2012 11:59

I am a wet blanket. A grumpy bastard. A buzzkill here to kill your buzz. Forgive me, but there it is. I can't rouse my spirits to wave a plastic Union Jack at a passing royal in the rain. I can't get over myself and triple-jump for joy at the Olympics. I can't be alone, can I?

There's that TV advert sprinkled across our commercial breaks right now, in which Stephen Fry and Julie Walters tell us that we'd be mad to go abroad, to somewhere WARM or NICE, because this country is going to have people CHEERING in CROWDS looking at ROYALTY and OLYMPIANS. Rupert Grint excitedly points out that the Olympic Torch Relay is going to be here, not somewhere else. And I look at it and think, I can't be the only one who's got a sudden urge to go somewhere -- anywhere -- far away from Britain for the next few months. Can I?

I don't mind stay-at-home tourism, by the way. That's a good thing. The Visit Wales adverts, for example, are so much more enticing, showcasing all that's best in a UK holiday. They ask you to hang around because it'll be actually worthwhile, not because there's some patriotic twaddle going on with some bloke running around with a burning stick.

Maybe I am the only unpatriotic fun vacuum of a Grinch who's stealing everyone's joy and delight at the forthcoming festivities, and actually everyone else is delighted at the billions of pounds being spent making sure that celebrities can get to their VIP seats in stadiums thanks to dedicated car lanes in London. It's only me who's peeved that Gary Barlow and Andrew Lloyd Webber are making a cloying song about how much the Empire loves Her Majesty, which will be about as authentic to the cultures of the Commonwealth as a 99p frozen Vesta curry.

It's just me. I am the only one. The best party in the world is going on in the living room, and I am tutting away in the kitchen about how rubbish it is. When the events of 2012 are looked back upon, the majority of what we'll see is a jolly montage of smiling people waving flags in the sunshine, and people like me won't be reflected at all. We're a disappointingly saccharine nation at times, steeped in our own myths of the Blitz Spirit (or "wasn't it fun when we were all half-starving and being bombed?") and Empire. I think we want to believe that we're having more fun than we really are. Mustn't grumble. Come on, chin up. And all that.

I'm not saying we shouldn't grin and bear it. There's nothing wrong with trying to remain positive, despite the economy being in the toilet, young people finding it impossible to get jobs and millions of others struggling with debt and bills. All I'd like is a little bit of context, maybe fewer articles about how amazing Prince Harry's blue shoes are or how he's charmed the entire Caribbean single-handedly and everyone loves him there without question. By all means, let's have them, but let's have them in context.

People said of last year's royal wedding "it's what we do best in this country". And if by that you mean feebly succumb to a faded sense of belonging to a Britain that never really existed, the world of shortbread tins and cheery beefeaters on fridge magnets, then yes, we do that very well -- particularly to distract ourselves from the rather starker reality. So let's have a jolly big party we can't afford and pretend we don't have any problems! I rather fear doing that was what got us into this mess in the first place.

Tags: London 2012 Olympics

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31 comments

Fri, 2012-05-18 11:21 — Barrie J (not verified)

Ah I remember the Millenium Celebrations on the London Embankment and the 'River of Fire' (that patently wasn't).
We were told it happened so quickly some may have missed it!
Glorious, it's a pity the JubOlympics wasn't the same.

Tue, 2012-05-01 15:03 — ClaireL (not verified)

@ Daniele

That's it, you've become a crusty English-type ranter! It's what we do best, esp. about the weather and rain, or lack of it.

Wed, 2012-03-14 15:30 — celeriac (not verified)

It's true, Scotland is looking more and more attractive every day.

Thu, 2012-03-15 18:38 — Broga (not verified)

You are far from alone. The ennui about the Diamond Jubilee is now beyond the critical point and recovery is impossible. The BBC is now bordering on the hysterical in its attempts to prod a numb public into a semblance of interest. What we now have is an invented interest, and spurious enthusiasm, about the Royal Family floating down the Thames while the subjects wave their flags. Why should anyone care?
As for the Olympics, I would pay good money to keep clear of London. Its all fantasy land to comfort what is becoming the most obese, most poorly educated and least well provided for medically population in Europe.

Wed, 2012-03-14 16:49 — upnorthkid (not verified)

Stephen Fry, Rupert Grint, the Olympics and the Jubilee are all reasons to endeavour to be as far away from Britain as possible for most of 2012.

Thu, 2012-03-15 09:02 — Ronald (not verified)

We're collectively repressing the memory of having a huge unemployment level and cuts across all sectors, by celebrating the loss of billions of pounds in the form of watching strangers run, jump, and move around in water.

On the plus side, this is one of the few times in the year when it is socially acceptable to show emotions. (the others being national disasters, or Christmas)

Wed, 2012-03-14 17:41 — Anon (not verified)

most exciting thing about the olympics. a dutchman sailing a replica ark up the thames, but hey, that's just my opinion, http://www.wired.com/playbook/2011/06/noahs-ark-replica-olympics/

Wed, 2012-03-14 17:52 — marimo (not verified)

Sometimes it's wonderful to live in a terminally dull provincial northern town. I could be a million miles away from London for all the impact these two "national" events are going to have on my life. As long as I don't turn on the television, I can pretend that none of this is really happening at all.

Wed, 2012-03-14 17:57 — PikeyMikey (not verified)

"I am a wet blanket. A grumpy bastard." Cheer up

Wed, 2012-03-14 18:30 — Tim (not verified)

Yes do cheer up folks, it's really not that bad. To that poster who wrote all this is 'jingoistic' and 'dangerous', are you actually being serious? Calm down and worry about something that matters, it isn't dangerous in the slightest. Just go with and try to, you know, have some fun with your fellow man.

Fri, 2012-03-16 16:52 — Daniele1

jim R:
Your contempt for the French need some response.
The reason why people will be voting Lepenn in the elections is because of the system which has 2 turns and which allows small parties to have much more impact than here. The first round, people are tempted to use their vote as protest or waste it by voting for a small party with no chance to win the elections. On the second round you then have a choice of 2 main parties and you vote for the one you least dislike.
If we had the same system here, I can guarantee you the BNP would obtain more than 20% on a first round.In any case there is no point voting BNP here, you can just vote Tory.
There is ugly nationalism in other countries but what makes it particularly odious in Britain, is its basis in a monarchy and on the country's colonial past.Some British people are actually proud not of real achievements, but of things which should shame them, things they should have got rid off a long time ago, if there had been a proper social and political revolution.
What is there to be proud of, in the fact that an old woman has been enjoying the same privileges for more than 40 years? What is this about? What exactly are we celebrating?

Wed, 2012-03-14 20:20 — Arturo Bandini (not verified)

I think the comments indicate you are indeed part of the majority.

Lotta pish!

Wed, 2012-03-14 20:30 — Dibin (not verified)

Why go abroad? Let's see the government's privatising everything they can get their hands on, unemployment is going through the roof, university fees are far too high compared to most continental countries and the economy's going down the can.

Wed, 2012-03-14 20:56 — andyg (not verified)

Hoooooorrrrraaayyy for the Olympics. We can't afford it. Hoooooorrraaaayyyy for the wedding, we couldn't afford it. The government is telling us to get fckd so I will....abroad.

Wed, 2012-03-14 21:24 — Dickie1

And we'll have a hosepipe ban, how Mediterranean is that!

Wed, 2012-03-14 12:12 — Inside Bez's Head (not verified)

You're doing youself an injustice. I strongly suspect you are in the majority. One thing this country does better than most others is to house a population who couldn't give a flying toss about jingoistic nonsense like the Olympics and the royal wedding. You're voicing the opinions of the silent majority I reckon.

Wed, 2012-03-14 12:28 — NickPheas (not verified)

Ignore it. It will go away.

Wed, 2012-03-14 12:29 — John Polenski (not verified)

I'm with the poster above. Except my five year old has tickets. Can't really explain to him it's all a load of hot air really.

Wed, 2012-03-14 12:38 — Jonas (not verified)

Glad to see someone speaking out against all this jingoistic twaddle. It's digusting and dangerous no matter which country it happens in.

Ignoring it will not make it go away, by the way. It'll just keep on going until everything collapses.

Wed, 2012-03-14 12:48 — sheila d (not verified)

Liked the sight of Julie Walters in the good old British Pub. A few years ago that would be me. Now however the pubs have been ruined, hotels don't cater for 20% of the population and I can't wait to get out of this sad ,dour miserable country.Olympics or any other time.

Wed, 2012-03-14 12:57 — Chester Drawers (not verified)

OED definition of jingoism - extreme patriotism, especially in the form of aggressive or warlike foreign policy.

The Queen's Diamond Jubilee and Olympics have nothing to do with Jingoism!

Wed, 2012-03-14 13:04 — Patty O'Dors (not verified)

I would never, ever risk my precious two week summer holiday in rainy, beery, dreary Britain. A weekend break in the spring...maybe. A fortnight in August? In the words of the Rev Ian Paisley: never, never, never!!

Wed, 2012-03-14 22:49 — Daniele1

Couldn't agree more.
What a bloody circus!
The worst thing about this country, apart from the dullness and the greyness of everything around you, are the myths people wallow in..the Monarchy "the envy of the world", the British army "the best army in the world", our government "the least corrupt in the world".. hummm is this myth still solid?
Meanness of spirit and meanness with money and gestures is another thing which depresses me.And people accepting all the shit thrown at them. Like this hosepipe ban, who are they kidding?? in one of the wettest place on Earth? do these water boards ass holes ever ask themselves how do they manage in countries where it really doesn't rain? isn't there running water in.. Spain, Greece, Italy??the idea is "collect the bloody rain when it falls" and ohh! repair the bloody leaks which are all over the place.
Just because they don't want to invest in water infrastructures like bloody reservoirs! Meanwhile we pay exorbitant water rates and we can't even use the stuff!And people will just moan about it but yes, they will go along and not water their runny beans.Meanwhile the water bosses are making millions in profit and stuffing their bonuses in their pockets. Pathetic!
Ahh!I've finished my rant. that's better!

Wed, 2012-03-14 13:07 — Window (not verified)

So subservience to the superiroity of the Royal family and Olympic pandering to ideals of national identity don't qualify as 'extreme patriotism'. As for the foreign policy Afghanistan and Iraq mean anything to you? If you're going to quote a dictonary definition please make sure you understand it.

Wed, 2012-03-14 13:16 — la potenza della speranza (not verified)

Excellent piece. I agree wholeheartedly with the author's sentiments in fact I'd probably be far less moderate! I am a fan of the olymic games and almost every conceivable sporting contest however I've a feeling this year's event will be infinitely less palatable.

Thu, 2012-03-15 17:14 — JimR (not verified)

Golly gosh, what a hard hitting fellow. Like all those opinions were not de facto middle class liberal positions. Hardly anyone bar children or the senile is looking forward to these events.But because you're a self loathing middle class liberal you have to make the argument that the numb, dumb British population really are. You want patriotism, you want mindless nationalism, look elsewhere other countries do it much better than us. But by all means go off to a 'civilised' continental country like France for your holidays and talk to the 20% of the population who will vote Facist in the Presidential elections over there.

Thu, 2012-03-15 17:38 — Graham Griffiths (not verified)

You're certainly not alone!
Another thing which really gets up my nose is the way the BBC (which has been accused occasionally of being left wing!!!)does a wonderful PR job or the monarchy. George Aligaya's beatific smile during every reference to the Royal Wedding had me ready to throw things at the tv.

I've never seen patriotism as a particularly valuable commodity. I suppose it's just as bad in other countries, but we can only go off our own experiences

Thu, 2012-03-15 17:39 — Gwyn Williams (not verified)

Danielle,
Given the current economic woes, the great and the good were smart to choose London/S.E. England as the venue. Where better in UK for the british plutocracy to pose and posture, safe in the knowledge that the area concentrates most of the celebrity loving middle class snobbery and sychophancy in the UK.

I live in so called 3rd world Nicaragua to which I now return from visits to UK with a sense of relief. It gives me no pleasure at all that that is so. Rather it makes me sad for what my country of birth has become for the majority of people who live there. They deserved better.