US Press: pick of the papers

The ten must-read opinion pieces from today's US papers.

1. Bush tax cuts helped the rich get richer (Washington Post)

While few question the fact that income inequality has risen in the United States over the past three decades, there is plenty of dispute about why, argues this editorial.

2. Time Running Out for Romney's Rivals (New York Times)

The five remaining candidates in the race emerged from Monday night's fast-paced, tough-talking debate in Myrtle Beach much the way they went in, says Michael D. Shear.

3. Partisan Washington: Obama's broken promise (Politico)

Obama's failure to fulfill this central claim of his 2008 campaign has never been more glaringly obvious, write Carrie Budoff Brown and Jonathan Allen.

4. ECB Seeks Plan B (Wall Street Journal)

The European Central Bank is looking for a possible alternative to its current bond-buying program, write Hans Bentzien and Nicole Lundeen.

5. Romney endures battering in South Carolina (Los Angeles Times)

Mitt Romney was repeatedly put on the defensive over his business and government record, say Paul West and Seema Mehta.

6. Rick Perry stands by defense of Marines shown urinating on Taliban (Chicago Tribune)

Rick Perry criticises the administration's response to a video showing Marines urinating on Taliban bodie, according to John Hoeffel.

7. The GOP debate in South Carolina: 8 takeaways (Politico)

After a raucous debate in Myrtle Beach, S. C., the front-runner emerged with some bruises but his dignity and, more important, his status intact, says Maggie Haberman.

8. China's economy grows at slowest rate in more than two years (Los Angeles Times)

In the final quarter of 2011, China's economy grew at its slowest pace in 2½ years, according to David Pierson.

9. Serial killing suspect's life unraveled after Iraq (Los Angeles Times)

Itzcoatl 'Izzy' Ocampo once helped the homeless and was a gung-ho Marine, but friends and family say he suffered hallucinations after leaving the service, says Louis Sahagun and Christopher Goffard.

10. Most in poll think Romney will clinch GOP nomination (Washington Post)

Mitt Romney holds a strong lead nationally in the race for the Republican presidential nomination, write Dan Balz and Jon Cohen.

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A night out at the Punderdome 3000

Becca Rothfeld watches Brooklyn’s best punners battle it out with headline writers from the New York Post.

Girls just want to have pun, so last week I headed to Punderdome 3000, an epic pun-making competition at the Highline Ballroom in Chelsea. The event pitted previous Punderdome winners against headline writers from the US tabloid the New York Post, best known for gems such as “Osama Bin wankin’” (when US officials unearthed Osama Bin Laden’s personal stash of pornography) and “Headless body in topless bar” (self-explanatory).

Broad-shouldered and apparently corporate types nursed overpriced cocktails while women teetered tipsily in heels. The crowd seemed ill-fitted to the proceedings, which wed the raucous atmosphere of a fraternity party with the cringing embarrassment of a high-school talent show. When the hosts, Fred Firestone and “his alleged daughter”, the local comedian Jo Firestone, called on members of the audience to complete a series of terrible puns, I braced myself for an evening of campy spectacle. “When chemists die, we . . .?” they cried, to which the crowd responded in unison, “Barium!”

Gradually the teeterers and I succumbed to the earnest charm of the punners, who competed under pseudonyms such as Daft Pun and Forrest Wittyker. In the first round, reigning Punderdome champions had 90 seconds to come up with two minutes of puns on a given topic. The results were assessed by the Human Clap-O-Meter, a device operated by a blindfolded volunteer who moved a pointer to reflect spectator sentiment. The rankings ranged from “rotten tomato” (near silence) to “punderful” (thunderous applause). Riffing on “the digestive system”, the punner Words Nightmare vowed not to date men without feet, as she’s “lack-toes-intolerant”.

A panel of “celebrity judges” offered input during the elimination rounds. There was Bevy Smith, co-host of the television show Fashion Queens; Pat Kiernan, a morning news anchor of the NY1 news station; and Éric Ripert, a chef of the three-Michelin-starred restaurant Le Bernardin – a Frenchman who speaks English poorly with a thick accent and was an illogical choice of judge (“Between the accent and the not knowing what’s going on it will be hard, but I will romaine calm,” he assured spectators).

In the final round, Ally Spier (Words Nightmare) and Jerry Gwiazdowski (Jargon Slayer) faced two New York Post writers for high-stakes prizes: “New York bragging rights” and the contents of two “mystery boxes”. The teams were asked to come up with pithy headlines for a piece that originally appeared in the Huffington Post under the punless title “Student forgets to plug in his headphones while watching porn”. Clad in matching “Headless Body in Topless Bar” T-shirts, the Post writers held their own with “Oral exam”, “He got a D” and “He studied hard”. But the Punderdomers triumphed with “Audio-erotic”, “Wacks on, wacks off” and “Masterbeats by Dre”.

The event put a face to the anonymous voices behind a local institution. “At work, it’s work, but here, there’s so much enthusiasm that it’s not work, it’s just fun,” Billy Heller, the deputy features editor of the Post and a Punderdome 3000 finalist told me. It was a wonderfully weird and wonderfully shameless way to spend an evening in New York. 

This article first appeared in the 27 August 2015 issue of the New Statesman, Isis and the new barbarism