Morning Call: pick of the papers

The ten must-read comment pieces from this morning's papers.

1. Lords reform: we'll defeat the rebels (Guardian)

Progressives have waited a century for Lords reform, writes Charles Kennedy. Will Labour vote tonight to restore faith in politics?

2. True Conservatives reject the Lords reform Bill (Daily Telegraph)

The Tory MPs opposing the coalition’s vandalism of the Lords cannot be described as "rebels", argues Iain Martin.

3. Vickers is not enough to stop another Libor scandal (Financial Times)

The report fails to identify the root causes of the financial crisis – opacity and leverage, writes Laurence Kotlikoff.

4. The Arab Spring’s spirit still burns in Libya (Daily Telegraph)

Against expectations, elections were free and peaceful, says Shashank Joshi.

5. Only the state can provide the care we need in old age (Guardian)

It's an inconvenient truth for George Osborne but the numbers don't lie: privately we can't afford to look after ourselves, says Polly Toynbee.

6. Civil society has slipped into a state of decay (Times) (£)

True citizens do more than vote and pay taxes, writes Niall Ferguson. They, not the state, prevent an uncivil society.

7. Defections and revolts expose the Assads (Financial Times)

While there have been no cases of units switching sides, the trickle is now a steady stream, writes David Gardner.

8. Our paranoia is a victory for terror (Independent)

Authorities have a vested interest in inflating national anxiety, says Yasmin Alibhai-Brown.

9. The military must invade our schools (Daily Telegraph)

We should enhance the Forces’ involvement in education, say Stephen Twigg and Jim Murphy.

10. It takes more than a stroke of genius to become a true champion (Independent)

Perhaps the idea of the effortless genius is born to reassure ourselves in our relative laziness, writes Dominic Lawson.

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Appearing in a book is strange – being an actual character must be stranger

Much as it jolts me to come across a reference to my music in something I'm reading, at least it's not me.

I was happily immersed in the world of a novel the other day, Rachel Elliott’s Whispers Through a Megaphone, when suddenly I was jolted back into reality by my own appearance in the book. One of the characters hears someone singing and is told, “‘It’s Leonora. She sings with her window open.’ ‘She’s good – sounds like Tracey Thorn.’ ‘She does, doesn’t she.’”

It was as if I’d walked on stage while still being in the audience. It’s happened to me before, and is always startling, a kind of breaking of the fourth wall. From being the reader, addressed equally and anonymously, you become, even momentarily, a minor character or a representative of something. In this instance it was flattering, but the thing is, you have no control over what the writer uses you to mean.

In David Nicholls’s Starter for Ten, set in the mid-Eighties, the lead character, Brian – a hapless student, failing in both love and University Challenge – hopes that he is about to have sex with a girl. “We stay up for an hour or so, drinking whisky, sitting on the bed next to each other and talking and listening to Tapestry and the new Everything But the Girl album.” Ah, I realised, here I represent the kind of singer people listen to when they’re trying, though possibly failing, to get laid.

Fast-forward a few years, to the mid-Nineties of Bret Easton Ellis’s Glamorama, a book constructed from lists of people and things, clothes and music, which apparently indicate the vacuousness of modern life. “I dash into the Paul Smith store on Bond Street, where I purchase a smart-looking navy-gray raincoat. Everything But the Girl’s ‘Missing’ plays over everything” and later, “In the limo heading toward Charing Cross Road Everything But the Girl’s ‘Wrong’ plays while I’m studying the small white envelope . . .” Here I’m being used to represent the way bands become briefly ubiquitous: our songs are a soundtrack to the sleazy glamour of the novel.

These mentions are all fine; it’s only the music that features, not me. Spotting yourself as an actual character in someone’s novel must be more shocking: one of the perils of, for instance, being married to a novelist. I think of Claire Bloom and Philip Roth. First she wrote a memoir about how ghastly it was being married to him, then he wrote a novel about how ghastly it was to be married to someone very like her. Books as revenge: that’s very different indeed.

Few people who had ever met Morrissey emerged from his memoir unscathed (me included), but particularly Geoff Travis of Rough Trade. He was hung, drawn and quartered in the book, yet seems to have maintained a dignified silence. But it’s hard knowing how to deal with real people in memoirs. In mine, I chose not to name one character, a boy who broke my 18-year-old heart. Feverish speculation among old friends, all of whom guessed wrong, proved how much attention they’d been paying to me at the time. I also wrote about my teenage band, the Marine Girls, and then sent the chapter to the other members for approval. Which led to a fresh outbreak of hostilities and not-speaking, 25 years after we’d broken up. Don’t you just love bands?

Worrying about any of this would stop anyone ever writing anything. Luckily it didn’t deter John Niven, whose scabrous music-biz novel, Kill Your Friends, mixes larger-than-life monsters such as the fictional A&R man Steven Stelfox with real people: and not just celebs (Goldie, the Spice Girls), but record company executives (Ferdy Unger-Hamilton, Rob Stringer) known best to those of us in the biz, and presumably thrilled to have made it into a book. John confirmed to me recently: “In the end I got more grief from people I left out of the book than those I put in. Such is the ego of the music industry. I heard of one executive who bought about 30 copies and would sign them for bands, saying, ‘This was based on me.’ You create the Devil and people are lining up to say, ‘Yep. I’m that guy.’”

In other words, as I suspected, there’s only one thing worse than being written about. 

Tracey Thorn is a musician and writer, best known as one half of Everything but the Girl. She writes the fortnightly “Off the Record” column for the New Statesman. Her latest book is Naked at the Albert Hall.

This article first appeared in the 06 April 2016 issue of the New Statesman, The longest hatred