Fine young criminals

And a strong contender for Quote of the Week

Now, let's get one thing straight. I do not advocate, or defend, criminality. But every now and then, you read about a crime that really makes your heart sing a bit. This time, we're in Michigan, where a 53-year-old banker, Patricia Keezer, has been sentenced for embezzling funds at her bank and giving them away to needy customers to help them with car repairs, mortgage payments and taxes.

What a hero! Sort of. Check out the quote:

"I would take other people's problems and make them my problems," Keezer told the judge. "I do have a problem with giving things away."

It melts you a little bit, no? I know it's wrong, I know it's illegal, I know the money wasn't hers to give. But there's a little part of me that's really glad she did it, although not for her sake, given that she now faces a year and a day in prison. (Why the day, judge, why the day?)

It sounds like even the judge was pretty much won over:

"You are like a modern-day Robin Hood," Battani [the judge] said of the folklore hero who stole from the rich and gave to the poor. "Those Robin Hood days are long over."

Well, maybe they are, Battani, but once in a while I reckon we should just stand up and say, "You know what, you modern-day Robin Hoods? We salute you. Yes we do."

Sophie Elmhirst is features editor of the New Statesman

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Appreciate the full horror of Nigel Farage's pro-Trump speech

The former Ukip leader has appeared at a Donald Trump rally. It went exactly as you would expect.

It is with a heavy heart that I must announce Nigel Farage is at it again.

The on-again, off-again Ukip leader and current Member of the European Parliament has appeared at a Donald Trump rally to lend his support to the presidential candidate.

It was, predictably, distressing.

Farage started by telling his American audience why they, like he, should be positive.

"I come to you from the United Kingdom"

Okay, good start. Undeniably true.

"– with a message of hope –

Again, probably quite true.

Image: Clearly hopeful (Wikipedia Screenshot)

– and optimism.”

Ah.

Image: Nigel Farage in front of a poster showing immigrants who are definitely not European (Getty)

He continues: “If the little people, if the real people–”

Wait, what?

Why is Trump nodding sagely at this?

The little people?

Image: It's a plane with the name Trump on it (Wikimedia Commons)

THE LITTLE PEOPLE?

Image: It's the word Trump on the side of a skyscraper I can't cope with this (Pixel)

THE ONLY LITTLE PERSON CLOSE TO TRUMP IS RIDING A MASSIVE STUFFED LION

Image: I don't even know what to tell you. It's Trump and his wife and a child riding a stuffed lion. 

IN A PENTHOUSE

A PENTHOUSE WHICH LOOKS LIKE LIBERACE WAS LET LOOSE WITH THE GILT ON DAY FIVE OF A PARTICULARLY BAD BENDER

Image: So much gold. Just gold, everywhere.

HIS WIFE HAS SO MANY BAGS SHE HAS TO EMPLOY A BAG MAN TO CARRY THEM

Image: I did not even know there were so many styles of Louis Vuitton, and my dentists has a lot of old copies of Vogue.

Anyway. Back to Farage, who is telling the little people that they can win "against the forces of global corporatism".

 

Image: Aaaaarggghhhh (Wikipedia Screenshot)

Ugh. Okay. What next? Oh god, he's telling them they can have a Brexit moment.

“... you can beat Washington...”

“... if enough decent people...”

“...are prepared to stand up against the establishment”

Image: A screenshot from Donald Trump's Wikipedia page.

I think I need a lie down.

Watch the full clip here:

Stephanie Boland is digital assistant at the New Statesman. She tweets at @stephanieboland