Are you desirable?
Only if you're friends with loads of oligarchs, obviously
This is an excellent one from Pravda. It is fast becoming my favourite Russian newspaper. Why? I'll tell you why.
a) It has a whole section wonderfully called Hotspots and Incidents, generally listing horrific happenings and an uncanny amount of explosions happening around the place. I mean, elsewhere you might just call that news. But not at Pravda. Also, why call it news when you could call it Hotspots and Incidents? These guys have a sense of drama and event, and I like that.
b) Sometimes there are headlines like Sporadic Prostitutes Conquer Moscow.
c) They run loads of photo stories, such as Cyclops Cats, Two-Headed Birds and Monster Dogs.
On top of all this, there is this story -- unequivocally titled Russia's Most Desirable Single Women, based on "women's fortune and their celebrity status". Check them out. My favourites thus far are Alina Kabayeva, friends with Putin; Alyona Akhmadullina, friends with "many Russian oligarchs"; and Ksenia Sukhinova (you must remember Ksenia -- she's a major hero of this blog AND the face of the Eurovision Song Contest). And then of course's there's the other Ksenia -- oh, how the Ksenias must want to scratch each other's eyes out -- Ksenia Sobchak, who is, says Pravda, "an analogue to Paris Hilton". Can you possibly imagine a more distinguished tagline to your identity?