Fantasy Shadow Cabinet, anyone?

Here are some brief and semi-serious suggestions for Ed M from me. Who would you like to see?

The full list of MPs standing for the shadow cabinet has been published — 49 names in all, or roughly a fifth of the Parliamentary Labour Party (PLP).

David Miliband has wisely decided to withdraw from the front bench to avoid the media's "perpetual, distracting and destructive attempts to find division where there is none, and splits where they don't exist". Jack Dromey, former Labour Party treasurer, new MP and husband of Harriet Harman, isn't running.

But Diane Abbott, the MP for Hackney and former Labour leadership contender and PLP lefty, has put her name forward. It's a risky strategy for Diane — she came fifth in the leadership race and isn't the most popular of MPs.

But, of the names we know, here's what I'd do if I was Ed Miliband (assuming these people, below, are even elected!), with some of the jobs (and in no particular order):

Shadow deputy prime minister (new job!) — Alan Johnson

Shadow chancellor — Ed Balls

Shadow foreign secretary — Peter Hain

Shadow home secretary — Sadiq Khan

Shadow health secretary — Andy Burnham

Shadow education secretary — Yvette Cooper

Shadow defence secretary — Eric Joyce

Shadow justice secretary — John Denham

Shadow Cabinet Office minister — David Lammy

Shadow business secretary — Liam Byrne

Shadow communities secretary — Hilary Benn

Shadow work and pensions secretary — Caroline Flint

Shadow energy and climate change secretary — Douglas Alexander

Shadow international development secretary — Jim Murphy

Shadow environment secretary — Emily Thornberry

Shadow transport secretary — John Healey

This is not at all scientific, and lacks the required number of women (!).

Paul Waugh has done his own list here.

So, who would you appoint and what jobs would give them?

Mehdi Hasan is a contributing writer for the New Statesman and the co-author of Ed: The Milibands and the Making of a Labour Leader. He was the New Statesman's senior editor (politics) from 2009-12.

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Appreciate the full horror of Nigel Farage's pro-Trump speech

The former Ukip leader has appeared at a Donald Trump rally. It went exactly as you would expect.

It is with a heavy heart that I must announce Nigel Farage is at it again.

The on-again, off-again Ukip leader and current Member of the European Parliament has appeared at a Donald Trump rally to lend his support to the presidential candidate.

It was, predictably, distressing.

Farage started by telling his American audience why they, like he, should be positive.

"I come to you from the United Kingdom"

Okay, good start. Undeniably true.

"– with a message of hope –

Again, probably quite true.

Image: Clearly hopeful (Wikipedia Screenshot)

– and optimism.”

Ah.

Image: Nigel Farage in front of a poster showing immigrants who are definitely not European (Getty)

He continues: “If the little people, if the real people–”

Wait, what?

Why is Trump nodding sagely at this?

The little people?

Image: It's a plane with the name Trump on it (Wikimedia Commons)

THE LITTLE PEOPLE?

Image: It's the word Trump on the side of a skyscraper I can't cope with this (Pixel)

THE ONLY LITTLE PERSON CLOSE TO TRUMP IS RIDING A MASSIVE STUFFED LION

Image: I don't even know what to tell you. It's Trump and his wife and a child riding a stuffed lion. 

IN A PENTHOUSE

A PENTHOUSE WHICH LOOKS LIKE LIBERACE WAS LET LOOSE WITH THE GILT ON DAY FIVE OF A PARTICULARLY BAD BENDER

Image: So much gold. Just gold, everywhere.

HIS WIFE HAS SO MANY BAGS SHE HAS TO EMPLOY A BAG MAN TO CARRY THEM

Image: I did not even know there were so many styles of Louis Vuitton, and my dentists has a lot of old copies of Vogue.

Anyway. Back to Farage, who is telling the little people that they can win "against the forces of global corporatism".

 

Image: Aaaaarggghhhh (Wikipedia Screenshot)

Ugh. Okay. What next? Oh god, he's telling them they can have a Brexit moment.

“... you can beat Washington...”

“... if enough decent people...”

“...are prepared to stand up against the establishment”

Image: A screenshot from Donald Trump's Wikipedia page.

I think I need a lie down.

Watch the full clip here:

Stephanie Boland is digital assistant at the New Statesman. She tweets at @stephanieboland