Expenses chief quits . . .

. . . but will Alan Johnson pull a “David Davis” and quit too?

The Sunday papers have two interesting political "resignation" stories this morning.

The Mail on Sunday says that a senior official at the new Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority (IPSA) -- the operations director, Nigel Gooding -- has quit his post "for the sake of my health and sanity" after a series of rows with MPs over the new, stricter expenses rules.

Has the expenses scandal become the domestic equivalent of the Iraq war, the story that never goes away? This new parliament has already had the David Laws resignation, and now this. Depressing. I guess we'll have to get used to another round of hand-wringing, head-shaking and cries of: "They still don't get it!" For the sake of our collective "health and sanity", I hope not.

Then there's Alan Johnson -- one of the popular, plain-speaking and pluralist Labour MPs I'd hoped would run for the party leadership. Johnson is backing David Miliband but the Sunday Telegraph claims that the former home secretary is considering standing down from his Westminster seat and fighting a by-election on the issue of proportional representation.

Says Patrick Hennessy:

The shadow home secretary's dramatic gesture would mirror the controversial stand taken by a Tory occupant of the post, David Davis, in 2008.

Mr Davis quit the shadow cabinet and announced he would fight a by-election in his parliamentary seat of Haltemprice and Howden on a civil liberties platform.

Mr Johnson, who was the favoured candidate of many Labour MPs to replace Gordon Brown as prime minister, has always been a passionate advocate of electoral reform.

If he fought, and won, a by-election on the issue in his seat of Hull West and Hessle -- next door to Mr Davis's seat -- it would put him in prime position to play a leading role in a referendum campaign to change the way all MPs are elected.

Under coalition plans, a referendum on replacing the current "first-past-the-post" regime with the Alternative Vote system, which allows voting for more than one candidate, could be held as early as next year.

If Johnson makes this "dramatic gesture" I'd be 100 per cent behind him. AV is a poor replacement for first-past-the-post -- and I can't tell you how depressed I was to listen to the five Labour leadership candidates refuse to go beyond a commitment to AV at both the New Statesman hustings on Wednesday and the Compass hustings yesterday.

I just wish Johnson had threatened to make this move while in government. After all, if Labour had pledged to legislate for a referendum on AV+, rather than AV, it would have made a Con-Lib coalition all but impossible.

Mehdi Hasan is a contributing writer for the New Statesman and the co-author of Ed: The Milibands and the Making of a Labour Leader. He was the New Statesman's senior editor (politics) from 2009-12.

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The Telegraph’s bizarre list of 100 reasons to be happy about Brexit

“Old-fashioned light bulbs”, “crooked cucumbers”, and “new vocabulary”.

As the economy teeters on the verge of oblivion, and the Prime Minister grapples with steering the UK around a black hole of political turmoil, the Telegraph is making the best of a bad situation.

The paper has posted a video labelled “100 reasons to embrace Brexit”. Obviously the precise number is “zero”, but that didn’t stop it filling the blanks with some rather bizarre reasons, floating before the viewer to an inevitable Jerusalem soundtrack:

Cheap tennis balls

At last. Tennis balls are no longer reserved for the gilded eurocrat elite.

Keep paper licences

I can’t trust it unless I can get it wet so it disintegrates, or I can throw it in the bin by mistake, or lose it when I’m clearing out my filing cabinet. It’s only authentic that way.

New hangover cures

What?

Stronger vacuums

An end to the miserable years of desperately trying to hoover up dust by inhaling close to the carpet.

Old-fashioned light bulbs

I like my electricals filled with mercury and coated in lead paint, ideally.

No more EU elections

Because the democratic aspect of the European Union was something we never obsessed over in the run-up to the referendum.

End working time directive

At last, I don’t even have to go to the trouble of opting out of over-working! I will automatically be exploited!

Drop green targets

Most people don’t have time to worry about the future of our planet. Some don’t even know where their next tennis ball will come from.

No more wind farms

Renewable energy sources, infrastructure and investment – what a bore.

Blue passports

I like my personal identification how I like my rinse.

UK passport lane

Oh good, an unadulterated queue of British tourists. Just mind the vomit, beer spillage and flakes of sunburnt skin while you wait.

No fridge red tape

Free the fridge!

Pounds and ounces

Units of measurement are definitely top of voters’ priorities. Way above the economy, health service, and even a smidgen higher than equality of tennis ball access.

Straight bananas

Wait, what kind of bananas do Brexiteers want? Didn’t they want to protect bendy ones? Either way, this is as persistent a myth as the slapstick banana skin trope.

Crooked cucumbers

I don’t understand.

Small kiwi fruits

Fair enough. They were getting a bit above their station, weren’t they.

No EU flags in UK

They are a disgusting colour and design. An eyesore everywhere you look…in the uh zero places that fly them here.

Kent champagne

To celebrate Ukip cleaning up the east coast, right?

No olive oil bans

Finally, we can put our reliable, Mediterranean weather and multiple olive groves to proper use.

No clinical trials red tape

What is there to regulate?

No Turkey EU worries

True, we don’t have to worry. Because there is NO WAY AND NEVER WAS.

No kettle restrictions

Free the kettle! All kitchen appliances’ lives matter!

Less EU X-factor

What is this?

Ditto with BGT

I really don’t get this.

New vocabulary

Mainly racist slurs, right?

Keep our UN seat

Until that in/out UN referendum, of course.

No EU human rights laws

Yeah, got a bit fed up with my human rights tbh.

Herbal remedy boost

At last, a chance to be treated with medicine that doesn’t work.

Others will follow [picture of dominos]

Hooray! The economic collapse of countries surrounding us upon whose trade and labour we rely, one by one!

Better English team

Ah, because we can replace them with more qualified players under an Australian-style points-based system, you mean?

High-powered hairdryers

An end to the miserable years of desperately trying to dry my hair by yawning on it.

She would’ve wanted it [picture of Margaret Thatcher]

Well, I’m convinced.

I'm a mole, innit.