Theories about "hookup culture" are just another way of telling us what to do with our lady parts
Which is more offensive - being called a "slut", or being slotted into a sweeping cultural theory?
By Rhiannon and Holly Published 03 September 2012 10:45
Good news, guys: "hookup culture" - or, as anyone else without a Gender Studies textbook might call it, "sleeping with people every now and then" - has been dominating the cybersphere. So novel and fascinating is this subject that articles have popped up in their droves in the last few weeks, and here we are jumping on the lubed-up bandwagon. Partly, this is because we never quite tire, as a society, of patting ourselves on the back for those "crazy college years" when the permanently stationed condom in your wallet waited faithfully for the day when a party got just out of control enough to make you do something spontaneous and kooky. And partly, it’s because of a book on its way to your local Waterstones’ any day now, rather sensationally entitled The End of Men.
"Feminist progress right now largely depends on the existence of the hookup culture", wrote Hannah Roisin, in an excerpt from the book in The Atlantic, which comes out later this month. The "hookup culture" to which she refers is the prevalence of no-strings-attached sex on American college campuses, which, she argues, represents an engine of female progress. It’s quite a claim. Who knew that a cheeky blow behind the bins after an evening of dancefloor dry-humping at Tiger Tiger could hold so many sociological connotations? Yep, next time you’re peeling last night’s knickers off some paralegal’s laminate flooring as he farts loudly beneath the duvet, try and remember that you did it for the ladies.
Hannah Roisin is, of course, not the only person to try and reinvent the wheel. Journalists have been claiming that casual sex is a "new thing" since the "sexual revolution" of the 1960s. Despite the fact that Erica Jong coined the term "zipless fuck" way back in 1973, and the more mundane physical fact that there are only so many ways to insert a penis into any given orifice, the media insists on finding every generation more depraved than the next. It’s made for a popular opinion piece since the dawn of time (or at least the dawn of The Times), and it goes a little something like this: journalist declares the generation in question liberated or doomed, and extrapolates wildly on chosen position. Either today’s young people are morally corrosive hedonists on a path to seventeen different strains of Chlamydia/ the apocalypse, or, by having sex with each other all the time with little care for commitment, we represent the absolute zenith of sexual progress*.
Roisin opts for the latter position, and by doing so represents the minority viewpoint. The problem is that ultimately, like many on the opposing side, she forgets that sex is just sex: an activity that the human race has been engaging in since its inception, and that has, despite the best efforts of certain women’s magazines, remained pretty much the same mechanics-wise. Sex itself has changed very little over the years: it is society’s attitudes and value systems which have changed, and we’re sure we’re not the only ones who feel somewhat patronised each time some jumped-up theory is projected onto us and our bedroom antics. People are not cut from the same cloth, and while many may enjoy a casual shag, others will feel that a long term relationship is more their thing (that goes for both men and women, by the way.) Boiling down the central tenets of feminism to a one night stand feels just a teensy bit reductive.
Casual sex as a "delaying tactic" for women who refuse to allow inconveniences such as "love" to get in the way of their single-minded career ambitions is a great theory of Roisin’s in capitalist America. It’s unfortunate for her that in real life terms, it’s all crap. In many ways, it also teeters on the edge of being a plotline for a dystopian novel: women enter the market, become the most ruthless competitors of all, brazenly renounce true love, and single-handedly do away with decency forever. Meanwhile, men get off scot-free with a shrug and a ‘boys will be boys’. How did they manage that, when all we’re hearing right now is either "girls getting out their fannies will carry us to a more enlightened society" or "girls will be the engines of everyone’s destruction"?
We’re all different, and so are our sex lives. To quote HBO’s Girls: “I AM NOT ‘the ladies’”. Some of us want to save ourselves for Mr Right, and some of us are ecstatic to find Mr Right Now outside a club in Clapham every Friday night. Hell, some of us like to dress up in animal-shaped onesies and act out bestiality fantasies at furry parties. Not that this will prevent newspapers regurgitating Roisin’s wild theories until the book comes out (the Sunday Times got there already) and crowing about how men are like, so over, and women are now perfectly in control of their own vaginas, while ignoring the fact that shaming sexually adventurous women remains a national sport. Thank you feminism, and goodnight.
All this begs the question: which is more offensive? Is scrutinising a woman’s sex life and coming up with the enlightened conclusion that she’s a "slut" really that much worse than a load of social theorists crowding around the proverbial bed and deciding that her aforementioned sex life symbolises a dramatic shift in the cultural zeitgeist? Both represent Other People telling "the ladies" what to do with their bits, or making wild aspersions about the power of some fairly unremarkable flaps of skin. We know we’ve said it before, but can the party that wasn't invited please GET OUT OF OUR VAGINAS.
*For something a bit more nuanced, do read Ariel Levy’s Female Chauvinist Pigs (£), which looks at the impact of pornography and raunch culture on today’s young women, and is written by someone who is intellectually capable of holding two conflicting thoughts in her head at the same time.
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12 comments
Why stop with "lady parts"? Let's stop talking about cuisine since it's just an attempt to tell us what to do with our mouths. Let's stop talking about visual culture since it's just an attempt to tell us what to do with our eyes. Let's stop talking about music because it's just an attempt to tell us what to do with our ears.
I don't understand all of this analysis crap, it's pretty simple really...
If you (regardless of gender) want to go out and have sex with everyone or no one that is your business and if people want to go around saying you're a slut or a frigid fuck let them.
They obviously lead pretty boring lives if all they do is go around sticking their noses into other peoples sex lives.
(Like seriously who does that?)
The only thing I will say is use protection.
It's all fun and games until someone gets pregnant.
Also STI's, no one wants those either.
And porn is not to blame...
Also there are PLENTY of girls out there who watch porn too.
Porn (primitive porn but still porn) has been around since cavemen walked the Earth and no I'm not kidding look it up.
and woosh! here we are full circle courtesy of the self-contradictory girls.
today's article; "Theories about "hookup culture" are just another way of telling us what to do with our lady parts."
from june; "No, we will not say "woo hoo" for our "froo froo". Women need to talk about their bodies honestly."
'lady parts' indeed......
I recently went back to university after a 20 year gap. Things have definitely changed. Women used to have occasional one night stands, now they has 3 a night stands; titillating, public, fake lesbian stands and "pretend you don't care" stands. The overwhelming impression I have of young women is that they have handed their feelings about sex over to men to decide. I blame porn.
"Things have definitely changed."
erm, no they haven't. at least not compared to where i went over 25 years ago. your list is hardly controversial or novel to those who've lived a bit.
"The overwhelming impression I have of young women is that they have handed their feelings about sex over to men to decide."
because? let me guess, a nice girl wouldn't wish to experiment sexually, so only those evil corrupt men could possibly have lead her astray?
"I blame porn."
blame whatever you want, but the burden of proof rests entirely with you Pavlova. and i sincerely doubt you'd be able to provide anything that could be called evidence to support your conclusion that porn is to blame (to blame for what exact pressing problem you don't even bother to explain).
so you may as well "blame" Global Warming or the Economy instead. it would be just as intellectually consistent.
total demolition !
Allow me (as a man) to make a generalisation about women. I suggest that 80%+ of young (16-30something) heterosexual women are to a varying degree simultaneously looking for a possible "the one", while going out with friends, having a good time and getting romantically and sexually involved with a number of people in a pretty haphazard way. But, they neither spend all their time obsessed with "the one", neither are they determined to sleep with large numbers of men in a totally casual no strings attached way for years on end either.
A bit like the majority of men, in fact.
However unlike women, men dont face a welter of never ending analysis, studies, commentary on what precisely any particular action (no matter how haphazard, unplanned or simply part of growing up) actually "means". Attempting to theorise a "hook-up" culture on women is as bad as fetishising female virginity - particularly ironic as this seems to come mostly from other women (whether academics. columnists or whatever).
@nickfrankfurt - Allow me (as a woman) to say: Spot on! :)
For God's sake, why don't you just have your sexfun without all this ridiculous analysis. I'm a he-slut, anyone can have me. I like it.
'All this begs the question'
NO NO NO NO NO NO!
Quite right, of course: NO, NO, NO!! But, given the pervasive and casual relativism of the entire article, the authors are hardly going to adhere to the correct usage of the petitio principii. Like those cheeky Clapham blow jobs - anything goes, right?