Laurie Penny

Pop culture, politics and feminism

Syndicate contentRSS

Undercover with the young Conservatives

The sexual appeal of Margaret Thatcher, “the bloody Lib Dems” and the true meaning of “the big society"

The teenager in the posh frock delivers her advice with the authority of weary experience. "Since this is your first Conservative Future event, I thought I ought to say -- watch out for the men here," she whispers, as her friends disappear to the bar. "Most of them can't be trusted."

We're at the Young Britons' Foundation summer party, incorporating the leadership hustings for Conservative Future, where I've come to observe the young right in full victory rut.

Descending three flights of stairs to the private function room at the Mahiki club in central London is a little like stepping into a sewer where the cultural overspill of the 1980s has been draining for the past 20 years. The room is stuffed with pasty young men in suits and ties drinking nasty orange cocktails and gossiping about Ken Clarke; the smattering of women present are wearing expensive polyester and listening prettily to what the boys have to say.

It's like a scene from one of those time-travelling detective shows, down to the droning muzak, the atmosphere of grim introspection and the suspicion that everyone here is acting a role. The young people lounging around the bar seem to be rehearsing a set of social stereotypes that feel too clichéd to be real, mouthing empty lines of propaganda -- "Thatcher did what needed to be done!" -- with only a rudimentary understanding of their implications.

The Young Britons' Foundation is a finishing school for the centre right that claims to be non-partisan and offers classes in dealing with the media, but the organisers have somehow allowed at least one journalist to infiltrate an evening they're hosting for the youth wing of the Conservative Party. Eighty per cent of the people here are men and they have a lot to say about how the bloody Lib Dems are spoiling everything; and they say it over the heads of the women present.

"Yah, I really don't know what it is about Tory guys," continues Posh Frock. "They're worse than normal. I think it's because there are just so many men in the party and it makes them . . . you know . . ." She fumbles in her bag, pulls out a pink gauze purse full of enough prescription medication to restock Boots and pops some painkillers. "It just makes them arrogant, I suppose."

Is she some sort of feminist, then? "No! God, no!" she squeals. "No, definitely not, it's nothing like that. It's just -- be careful. That's all I'm saying."

A hush falls; the hustings have begun. The three candidates for the Conservative Future leadership are all boisterous white men in their mid-twenties, all tall, all a little jowly, distinguishable by the colour of their shirts and the fact that one of them is wearing hipster spectacles. Their pitches are a unanimous declaration of strategic befuddlement.

"Now that we're in power, we've got to show the left that we can win the ideological arguments because -- because we're right!" declares Hipster Spectacles, but he doesn't sound convinced. His platitudes about "progressive politics" elicit disapproving tuts from the back row, who seem to be conducting a rehearsal for their future in the Commons. "Progressive, what does that mean?" mutters James from Kensington. "Everything seems to be progressive these days. It's the buzzword."

"Yeah, like the 'big society'," enjoins prematurely balding Ollie, who works in the House of Lords and is slurping a Mai Tai from a tumbler shaped like a tribal woman's skull (my drink is in half a pineapple; it's all terribly ethnic). "Nobody knows what the 'big society' means! It doesn't mean anything!"

"It means cutting about a hundred billion a year from public services," says his friend, adding hastily: "I mean, like, obviously that's a good thing."

"We need to make sure our party follows our principles and not those of the Liberal Democrats!" shouts another candidate. "It's the bloody Lib Dems who're the problem. They're getting in the way of everything!"

During the bellow of assent that follows, one of my new friends brushes a hand surreptitiously and quite deliberately against my knee, like someone trying to be seductive in the 17th century. With a flash of awful clarity, I realise that these are precisely the young men my grandmother warned me about -- that these are the heirs-apparent to Britain's political system, and not one of them has paused to consider if they deserve it.

The debate is thrown open to the floor and eventually one of the few ladies in the room puts up her hand to ask a polite question about the representation of women in Tory politics.

"Well, obviously I think women should be more visible in the party," begins one candidate, grinning as a roar of appreciation goes up for his blokey innuendo. There follow some platitudes about how unfortunate it is that few women are taking advantage of this uniquely welcoming atmosphere to put themselves forward and assurances that "positive discrimination" will never be a part of Conservative Future's way of doing politics.

It's alright, though -- there's at least one woman whom these people respect. "We need to attack the left like they attacked us," says one of the candidates, his top button straining. "We need to vilify them like they vilified the greatest prime minister this country has ever had -- Margaret Thatcher!"

Sudden, thunderous applause and thumping of the bar from 50 young men in blazers who were largely prenatal when Thatcher left Downing Street. "She did what needed to be done," continues the speaker fervently. I begin to worry that this is actually a neoliberal ecstatic cult, and that one of the young men on the platform is about to start shaking and summoning the spirit of the Iron Lady. Time for a little break.

Sucking down fresh Belgravia air and nicotine in the street, I meet a young graduate in a pink shirt who decides to share my lighter and his left-libertarian misgivings. "The Thatcher thing is weirdly sexualised, isn't it?" he says. "I heard one of them saying that it'd be a privilege to lick her boots." It's almost as if the right can't express respect for any woman without declaring her super-sexy.

Unfortunately, despite my brilliant disguise of lip gloss and vacant expression, Pink Shirt has recognised me as a New Statesman writer. He promises not to expose me -- on condition that I go on a date with him next week. I decide that, on a scale of one to patriarchy, this is likely to be the high point of the evening, and accept.

Back inside the club, the debate has morphed into a disco for the death of youthful defiance. Someone has turned the lights down and the music up, and now the bright young things of Britain's Conservative future are shuffling and hip-swivelling to the Kaiser Chiefs, their ties at half-mast. It's only 10.30pm and already there are several unfortunate cases of gentleman's flush, the sweat-misted, red cheeks that are the plague of the young right at play.

There seem to be a lot more women present, too. When I ask the nearest person in tucked-in shirtsleeves why that might be, he informs me that some girls "just aren't interested in politics". As if to prove a point, he grabs my arm and tugs me on to the dance floor. I wobble and totter like centre-right ideology on a pair of borrowed heels and, as Beyoncé starts to blast out of the speakers, I spin around in shock. I've just had my bottom squeezed.

Let me describe this bottom-squeeze to you, because it has given me lasting insight into the icy political libido of the young right. The anonymous fondle is brief, bouncy and strangely bloodless, like being groped by a Pete Waterman song. It's the sense of entitlement that stuns more than anything; the casual lack of respect for the less powerful, the assumption that it's all in good fun.

I knew that women and the poor were going to feel the pinch as soon as the Tories took power, but I never imagined the paternalism would be quite this literal. Unable to deliver a smack in the face for fear of breaking my cover, my knuckles or both, I do what women have historically done in any boys' club. I giggle and I say nothing. And then I leave.

176 comments

Mo Salsbury's picture

David Cameron's Young Britons Foundation has some views. http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2010/may/05/young-britons-foundation-...

Mike Onelly's picture

You missed the best of Young Britons Foundation as their candidates are trained to rubbish the NHS, dismisses global warming and back waterboarding. http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/mar/06/tory-madrasa-young-britons-f...

stuart's picture

i always like to put a voice to a face and in laurie pennys case on friday she did appear on gabby logans show on 5 live strangely defending 9 year old girls wearing crop tops and mini skirts to the dismay of many hard line feminists,maybe my ears need cleaning but laurie penny sounded like one of these hooray henry toffs with a plum in her throat.

Justanotherjack's picture

Belgravia and Mayfair are not the same place. Admittedly Belgravia is a significantly more wealthy area - convenient for your rubbish narrative? If you got that simple detail wrong or made it up what else is wrong with this story?

James H's picture

'Elly': "I suddenly feel very, very sorry for all of the women Tory MPs - not to mention Adam Afriye." [sic]

How very big-hearted of you. So if you're a woman or black you're de facto a victim deserving of pity? Probably best to just sit quietly in a corner and hope for a handout or maybe a job when a quota needs filling.

What annoys me so about most lefties is their closed minds. They never consider that they might be wrong because they have an impregnable mental armour of smugness forged from their good intentions.

Mr. Divine's picture

Yea I really like this article. Could you do more in this style? The disguise probably needs working on, get a wig or something.

What would the world be like without variety?

anon11's picture

I was the one that squeezed your arse.

Very bony. Most disappointing.

Clem the Gem's picture

btw, Laurie, what were the drinks like at Mahiki? Worth the astounding prices? Or just a way for its wealthy owner to redistribute his clients trust funds to his own pocket?

Jeff's picture

"People in politics being twats" shocker.

Madam Miaow's picture

"I wobble and totter like centre-right ideology on a pair of borrowed heels ... The anonymous fondle is brief, bouncy and strangely bloodless, like being groped by a Pete Waterman song."

Hyuck! Very funny piece, Laurie.

Laurie Penny1's picture

@me I'm sorry people feel offended and degraded by these descriptions.I felt offended and degraded simply by being present. There's a lot more I could have put in and didn't - the guy chatting to me outside about how he felt a lot of women lie about rape, for example.

Your version of David Dimbleby - whose hilarious nickname I was also informed about - said specifically that this event was under 'Chatham House Rules'. He claimed that CHR mean you'll be sued if you quote anything, but actually, CHR are quite specific: you can quote anything, as long as you don't officially attribute anyone. And you'll notice that I haven't named anyone at the hustings, and used pseudonyms or identifiers elsewhere. I've actually stuck to the rules of the evening extremely thoroughly in this piece.

Oh, and Pink Shirt - who I've seen since - actually asked very specifically if I'd include him and quote him in this piece. I doubt his reputation has been 'tarnished'.

Richard Blogger's picture

@Laurie Penny

Loved it!

Sadly it brought back bitter memories of the behaviour of the FCS in the 80s.

jie4v7i14's picture

I sense a Sgt Wilson moment, but I am too old for you Penny, I couldn't possibly shag you, honest my lovely,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tuOZBCmfdOg

stuart's picture

ehtchtee, some times your crude and vuglar sexism shocks me and your last comeents are appalling even by your standards.

James H's picture

Irritatingly I feel I have to acknowledge that 'Clem the Gem' is being the fair and open minded exception to my characterisation of "most lefties". Curse his reasonable attitude.

Geoff's picture

It sounds like my bl**dy university. My friends told me going south was a bad idea.

Pope A'ppall's picture

Smoker? Ugh.

Louis Williams's picture

Well as the only member of conservative future here; I have a few things to say: First of all don't lynch me for my beliefs. Secondly there is another breed of young conservative that exists, not the ideologically zealous supporters of all conservative policies (the same is found across the political board too), who do not think for themselves. Yet there are those like me, who seek to direct the Conservatives in a new direction to propel it to the future (such as what Cameron has done).

I have built my beliefs not because daddy said so, yet because I have met all the bureaucratic barriers trying to set up a company while at school. I joined a programme designed to use the experience of old entrepreneurs aiding people such as I to build and develop our businesses, yet the cost and time waste of CRB checks meant that I could only meet with my helpers every fortnight at most; as otherwise they could be charged with potential to commit paedophilic acts. They were not paedophiles, they were people trying to help me create jobs and wealth.

This and many other reasons are why I have come to believe that:

We need no nanny state controlling us and so we should have less regulation.

People should not be punished for creating jobs.

Don't assume that the right is wrong purely becuase of ideological left wing zeal. I read the lefts arguments and question my beliefs you should all do the same with the rights arguments.

Also economically we have to cut spending as tax raises will kill far more jobs due to lower public sector productivity as shown by this guardian report and ONS statistics.

http://www.guardianpublic.co.uk/productivity-services-ons-report

http://www.statistics.gov.uk/elmr/12_09/downloads/ELMR_Dec09_Phelps.pdf

I found a similar mail article, yet I know that centre-left wing media is my best chance at persuading you all.

Also the article was amusing.

Joe Bone's picture

"Nice posh young conservatives..."
..and led by Cameron whose knowledge of English History can be written in a postage stamp!!

Posh but dim.. more like it.

Kitchmo's picture

To be honest I found the whole article incredibly depressing. As someone who holds right of centre views I’d say I’ve come across an awful lot of what you’ve described whilst attending this sort of event. Though I think in general the left has its fair share of nutters, the fact that those on the right are so well known, it puts off more moderate people from attending, perpetuating the whole process.

Though it has to be said, if you showed the average swing voter the rants from both left and right on this comment section they’d probably come over all Mercutio.

me's picture

@ laurie. people don't usually start up converations about rape. you must have started that conversation yourself. it all goes back to the twisting things around. he may even have been trying to start a debate and get your viewpoint, but somehow i dont think you would have caught on. i wasn't present so what you've said is just an allegation anyway.

i don't know the specifics, but from what you're saying even if it may not be against the rules per se, i think it is against the spirit of the rules.

you really should stop digging the hole for pink shirt. its fairly deep already. apparantly it's mostly that everyone feels he has low standards and is letting the side down. i'm going to leave this commentary alone now because i feel offended and degraded simply by being present.

see you later, i'm sure. :)

Clem the Gem's picture

Laurie, by defending yourself, I had visions of you punching-out right wing fops with no manners!:o)

Sorry if it came over all paternalistic. And sorry that I responded to the deadbeat who insulted you in the first place. If i had ignored him, he would have gone away - like a wasp.

styg's picture

Thank you, Laurie, for an entertaining and informative article. The sense of entitlement - and attendant lack of worldliness - is certainly a common theme in my encounters with the right. Not exclusively - I know plenty of tories who are lovely. And god forbid one should work under the assumption apparently held by the poster who helpfully identified herself as "me," and decide that one's own experiences are the only ones which could possibly be valid for everyone else too. Nonetheless, as a working class individual (my father was a bus driver) who was awarded a scholarship to a grammar school, I have certainly encountered the kind of behaviour you describe here among conservatives, much moreso than members of the other major parties (who, of course, have their own faults).

To those of you discussing Laurie's physical appearance - not only does it make you look superficial, sexist (yes, even if you're female) and boorish, you're basing your opinion on an overexposed passport photo. Glad to know you can make absolute decisions based upon such little information. A successful career in the House of Commons awaits you!

jie4v7i14's picture

'Well as the only member of conservative future here'

!?!

What the fuck are you doing here, please, explain.

Lost yout way? Lost your mind maybe? Or been, say no more....

song, if you will allow me, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qpJ0cyXbMbI

tamsinchan's picture

Your piece pushed so many of my buttons, I feel like the cockpit of a 747. Delicious load of fuel for the fire. Many thanks.

H's picture

Great post Laurie, I always find your work well-written and inspiring.

@ Clem the Gem - nice work defending the piece, woman here to stick up for what you're saying. I'm suspicious of anyone too keen to pin their colours to one mast, but this lot sound like a particularly annoying bunch, and everything Laurie describes chimes with my experience of meeting young Conservatives at university (Nottingham and now York.)

jie4v7i14's picture

more anti-tory music, by experience,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxHcx7FO8nI

jie4v7i14's picture

more excellent early 1980s anti-tory shite, as you would like to call it, tory space cadets everywhere. The fuckheads,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Om0jhPkOwhg

Mr. Divine's picture

@EhtchTee. Give me a break. The tory airheds are actually in government making decisions about society. The 'street wise' left are feeling smug because they think they are ripping the airheads apart in a NS blog post! The really street wise ultra left are even more smug because they don't even get anywhere near power but are able to shout really loud to each other in numerous protests on STREETS.

Aye lad, once more the airheads have got the better of you.

jie4v7i14's picture

more excellent Coventry,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGDQ85Dg-ss

swatantra's picture

Well then, anyone for tennis?

Mr. Divine's picture

styg I agree with most of what you say but the idea that the Tory party is the on;y 'right' position is of course nonsense. Many people on the 'right' (is there such a thing really?), myself included, hate the Tory party's belief that the royal family, posh public schools and the House of bloody Lords are a good thing.

Many hate the unnecessary government expense on defence. Yu see there is another part of the right that supports free enterprise and minimum government, and the only alternative to Labour, the blood sucking tax freak nanny state National Socialists, are the Conservatives, the lesser of two evils.

Clem the Gem's picture

James H: Sorry to upset the applecart :o)

I am quite left wing as well! I did the Tory hating thing when younger, but in the end, when you stop student politics, and start living in the real world, most people seem quite human.
In this country, one can fight the class war without having to shed blood on a daily basis.
If we are to beat our opponents, then we must understand them, and respect them - bile is fun, but gets us nowhere.

You seem quite a reasonable person, if so do you really think that the Conservative Party as it now stands is the best vehicle for your reasonableness?

jie4v7i14's picture

The tory young, when they get in the late forties/early fifties, in their, ahem!, private London clubs.
Oh, how exciting!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CFcp2wzmEY

jie4v7i14's picture

Laurie, the ones that did are obviously old gays, but I would, shag you that is, but I would come over as a letcherous old man, so I won't say it. umm....

But that's life, no one seems to win comment-wise. How about another old man, Tom, and his moves in the day,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1UxU8s7Au0A

Clem the Gem's picture

@me: "everyone feels that he has low standards"
How very gallant of you!
A sad bit of invective, seeing as Lauries' photo disproves this.(I am assuming that you were making a personal dig)

Pink shirt is obviously a diamond amongst the coal of your social grouping, with the maturity to converse with others who disagree with him. I suppose that amongst the "bright young things" he shines a tad too brightly...

joetheplumber's picture

@ Louise Williams: "I joined a programme designed to use the experience of old entrepreneurs aiding people such as I to build and develop our businesses"

Presumably you meant such as me (not 'I').

priggy's picture

Was it really like that? You seem to have utter contempt for those on the right wing of politics. How anyone could claim Thatcher as the greatest PM ever, though is beyond me! I'll give them Churchill though. Blair and Brown were in my mind just as bad as Thatcher. They both did good things and bad things. Won't classify any of them as the best PM's ever.

Rich Gray's picture

Even as someone of a right-wing disposition, i highly agree with you Laurie. Purely because im not from a wealthy background at all and i find all braying people of all dispositions to be annoying.

Real right-wingers are sociopaths who just want to be left alone :D

Clem the Gem's picture

Etch Tee - Wish you hadnt proved my point about all parties having their fair share of pillocks!
Homophobia and naked sexism in one post???!!!
Did you really need to embarrass yourself in this way? This sort of thing is best left to the pages of NUTS I would have thought...

Rich Gray - you are a class warrior at heart, have a think and join us :o)

Men leaving posts on a Feminists' blog should at least think before typing.(Me included)

THX's picture

Aw Bwoo bwoo bwoo hwoo. Ickle Bwoois Bwilliams in his effort to set up his small business, has come up against frustrating state bureaucracy , and he thinks it's a product of the left. Woohis, these obstacles. These barriers to entry, they're put in place by the bloated lazy fat pigs of your own class.

You'll find as you get older, and you're gently shoe horned into a nice paying job, or you get helped out setting up your own business, under a gentleman's agreement, to make sure you have a period of definite easy trade while you get things going, and even when you've got things going. Woohis think - barriers to entry. Imagine if any old oik could get a business started.

Think Woohis, think. Who's got money in their pockets to navigate these bureaucratic expenses? Why do you think they're there? Do you seriously think someone has pulled them out of thin air. They're there to keep the ignorant fat retards you see at your daddy's golf club in clover.

Rentiers seek to create barriers to entry so they can keep more, or even all, the cake to themselves.

Bwoohis, don't work so hard or get your knickers in a twist. It's not how the world works. Follow your parents advice. Get them to set you up with some wart faced Mathilda daughter from the golf club. You'll get set up in trade easily then. You won't even have the chance of failing - your kind never are even allowed that experience.

And Woohis - don't try and be the intellectual. It's not appreciated among your kind. You'll get caste out and then you'll come to us. And we don't really want you.

Woohis, we don't want you - stick to your own kind.

jie4v7i14's picture

Clem. I never ever considered you as a prig. You have shocked me. It is only done in the best possible taste, humourwise,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8aPrOuPxLno

Young Tory's picture

Interesting article, but very poorly written. It is more colloquial than anything I have read, then again I do not read this, and actually quite wooly as an article. For instance, the misogyny shown by some members may be true, but I highly doubt, given the age that we live in that members are overtly sexist. Similarly, the discourse on the cuts needs to be seen in the right context, if someone says that they are good, you simply cannot quote that. You need to say why they think it's a good thing and more often than not they will use a deal of reason to explain that. Also, your point about the cuts affecting the poor, and women the most. We are trying to get a 'universal credit' to simplify the tax/benefits system. Yes we are taking away many benefits so that we can simplify it and so that people can keep their own money. It is just folly to say that it will affect women and the poor most, it is just feminist and socialistic flim-flam. Then again, you describe yourself as a feminist.

On the Thatcher point, I do think that she was a good Prime Minister and a strong force on the world stage. I do not think that she was perfect and nor would I be 'privileged to lick her boots.' The problem with the Tory Party and the Young Conservative (and actually the YBF) is that we need to move on from Thatcher. The Party has, but the Young Conservatives have not and they need to. I agree that there are some ideological idiots within the young conservatives who are, I believe, no better than many of the Palin loving Neocons in America. But many of us are quite moderate and pragmatic rather than dogmatic.

Similarly, I have see some rubbish being posted online. Someone said that all Tories are 'posh'. What crap. I am a Tory, many do describe me as 'posh', but I received EMA when I was at school and only got to a boarding school thanks to a scholarship and the good fortune of my grandmother.

Overall quite a poorly written article with some interesting points that Conservative Future need to look at.

marimo's picture

Is this a genuine account? It reads like a work of fiction. I don't know any young Conservatives, (they are a rare breed in the north west) but they behaved and sounded exactly as I imagined they would in my worst exaggerated nightmares. Actually no, they're worse. I imagined them to be smarter and more articulate sounding (with the Public school / Oxbridge educations my sterotype informs me that they've all got). I really hope a good deal of them decide politics isn't for them.

Clem the Gem's picture

Not a prig EhtchTee, just dont think proposing to "shag" Laurie was going to help win the battle of ideas.
More likely to be quoted by CF as proof that we are worse than them.
Also am a little worried that this is becoming a boys only stream. we could be dragging our knuckles around here for ages at this rate.
come on women1 show us the error of our ways!

To The Dogs's picture

Interesting, isnt it, that the most angry, inarticulate and basic posts have come from the conservative/right.
Methinks they doth protest too much.

I used to be a Young Con (before I grew up and educated myself), and experienced these kind of mysogynistic, base, unintelligent gatherings on far too regular a basis.

Laurie, I salute your entertaining and brilliantly accurate illustration of what we have to look forward to if we are unfortunate enough to endure a future of NeoLib rule.

William's picture

Ouite right you are, penny, just leave out all the discussion of policies and arguments. Don't report any of those facts - those make my head hurt - just report inuendo instead. Don't describe policies, just tell us what they where drinking and what way they tied their ties. They wore ties and didn't dirnk pints, why those inconcievible middle class b*******!

If a man wrote an article about a feminists confrence that spent the whole time focusing on what the women wore and what pasteries they where eating it would be sexist, but this it certainly can't considered sexist, because, this is important journalsim.

We, in-our-naivety, never imagined that tory party members where mostly middle class and liked thacher. These two nuggets of information you've discovered are more than worth your paycheck, and expenses. Thank you for bringing this vital new information to light.

Oh, and that nice girl, who tried to help you and give you advice; well don't dare demean her by using her real name, or indeed a human name - just refer to her as 'posh frock' instead.

And most of all, thankyou, for writing this article without a hint of class envy. Just a i wrote this comment without a hint of sarcasim.

Soon you'll marry that nice boy, you're so desprately envious of, join the horsey set, and go to live with his mamma, pappa, and nanna in the country. Then you'll be able to put all your envy asside, secretly vote tory, and write for the Guardian, and demonstrate irrational hatred of the middle classes is based on a deep Freudian desire to join them. A bally hurra!

jie4v7i14's picture

Clem, I am happy for femalehood to be depicted as it is, like this marvellous modern form of depiction, in the non-winding up springs sense. Truce?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_45W-Lq7ftw

Villan's picture

In ten or fifteen years' time these wastes of space will be the government unless we get a party that can, and wants to, fight them. No sign of that yet.

Clem the Gem's picture

me: One further point, Chatham house rules: are they not just a genteel form of spin?

"Just between the two of us, strictly on the QT..."

Latest tweets