Twilight's "werewolf loves baby" storyline just got creepier

Twilight: ewwwww.

Twilight, the vampire-werewolf-phenomenon, has always had some questionable elements. The entire plot of the first film, for instance, is basically "I love you but we can't sleep together because I'm a Christian and we're not married you're a vampire and your super vampire strength means you may accidentally kill me in the passion of the moment".

A few films in and the main character, Bella, and her vampire boyfriend Edward have got married and done the dirty. Unfortunately, Bella insisted on having sex once as a human before Edward completed the vampire wedding ritual, which of course means that she gets super-pregnant with a vampire baby which eats its way out of her womb after coming to full term after just a week or so.

We aren't even on the weird stuff yet.

All caught up? Enter Jacob. Jacob is a werewolf who's also totally in to Bella, creating a tense love-triangle dynamic (or so I've been told). What you have to know about werewolves is that they "imprint" on people: when one of them sees their soul-mate, they know immediately that they are destined to be together. So naturally, Jacob imprints on Edward and Bella's baby daughter, Renesmee.

Now, they refer to it as imprinting throughout the series, but whenever you see any other "imprinted" werewolf, it's all couples who are snuggling together and kissing a lot. And, at least in the film, Jacob's imprinting is followed by a flash-forward where he talks about how he'd do anything for Renesmee because he's so in love. With a baby.

Today, the set photos from Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part Two came out. Now that you are fully caught up, I hope you will agree that the following photo, of Taylor Lautner as Jacob and 11-year-old Mackenzie Foy as his love interest Renesmee, is the creepiest thing ever.

Twilight: The teaser poster for Breaking Dawn Part Two

Alex Hern is a technology reporter for the Guardian. He was formerly staff writer at the New Statesman. You should follow Alex on Twitter.

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"On Crutches" and "At Thirty Three"

Two poems by Joe Dunthorne.

On Crutches


Are you trying to say
you never leapt from a spinny chair
into the backing singer’s arms
at the gender-neutral barber’s soft launch
yelling “for I am the centrifuge,
all densities find kin within me” at which point
she – ha! – totally caught you
then whispered something tender to your charming,
harmless mole and next thing
it was dawn in the playpark as you shoulder-rolled
in dismount from the tyre’s ecliptic swing
– shoeless, by now, you maniac – coming down weird
and hard on your ankle which shivered
but did not crack – ha! – ha! – and so, in fact,
I have no fucking idea
how you hurt yourself – probably in the shower –
you horrid, impossible man.

 

At thirty-three

I finally had the dream
where I made love to my mother.
I kept saying you are my mother
and she said I absolutely am
then she phoned my father
and told him everything.

 

Joe Dunthorne’s new novel, The Adulterants, will be published in February. His poems are published in Faber New Poets 5.

This article first appeared in the 25 May 2017 issue of the New Statesman, Why Islamic State targets Britain

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