The Friday Arts Diary

Our cultural picks for the week ahead.

Book

"Sweet Tooth" by Ian McEwan, 21 August

McEwan’s recent works, such as Saturday and Solar, have had a radically polarising effect on audiences, but whether his name fills you with adoration or loathing, as one of our most eminent contemporary authors, the release of his 12th novel can’t pass without remark. Sweet Tooth is the story of Serena Frome, a beautiful British agent sent on a "secret mission", which brings her into contact with a promising young writer. As romance blossoms between the two can she maintain her cover story? And who is inventing whom?  Set in 1972, a year beset by economic disaster, industrial unrest and terrorism, we can expect some present day echoes, as well as a story of betrayal, intrigue, love, and the invented self.

Talk

Appleton Tower, Edinburgh - CERN: Big questions, Big Science, Big Technology, 23 August 9.00pm

This summer's newspaper columns might have been crammed with likes of Bolt, Farah and Ennis, but, following the observation of the elusive Higgs Boson particle this July, CERN are the undisputed scientific heroes. This event brings together experts from different areas of CERN and the LHC to discuss the impact of their work. The talk takes place as part of the Turing Festival, which aims to celebrate the creativity of digital technology and explore the ways in which technology is affecting culture and society. Other notable talks include an address by Apple’s co-founder, Steve Wozniak, and discussions on the future of gaming, medicine and media.

Album

Bloc Party, "Four", 20 August

Four is the magic number. Four years since their last album, British indie rock band Bloc Party (comprised of four muscians, Kele Okereke, Russell Lissack, Gordon Moakes, and Matt Tong) are to release their fourth and much anticipated album Four. Reviews so far are mixed, but if Kele has captured even an ember of his former spark Four will have been worth the wait.

Film

Independent Cinemas across the UK - The Imposter, 24 August

In 1994 Nicholas Barclay, a 13-year-old Texan boy, vanished. Three years later "Nicholas" was discovered by police in Spain. Though initially eagerly welcomed home by the grieving Barclays, as inconsistencies started to add up doubts about his true identity could no longer be surpressed. The Imposter is director Bart Layton's masterful documentary, which mixes real-life interviews and home-video footage with neo-noir reconstructions in his retelling of this true story of deception.

TV

BBC 4 - BBC Proms National Youth Orchestra, 23 August, 7.30pm

Thursday’s Prom celebrates young talent with the National Youth Orchestra of Great Britain. Conducted by Vasily Petrenko, they will perform Varèse’s playful Tuning Up,  Nico Muhly’s Gait, Messiaen’s Turangalîla Symphony, and young composer Anna Meredith’s HandsFree, which was written to be played with anything other than instruments.

Author Ian McEwan's novel Sweet Tooth is to be released on Tuesday
Photo: Channel 4
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Who will win Great British Bake Off 2017 based on the contestants’ Twitters

An extremely serious and damning investigation. 

It was morning but the sky was as dark as the night – and the night was as dark as a quite dark rat. He walked in. A real smooth gent with legs for seconds. His pins were draped in the finest boot-cut jeans money could buy, and bad news was written all over his face. “I’m Paul,” he said. “I know”. My hooch ran dry that night – but the conversation never did. By nightfall, it was clear as a see-through rat.   

Some might say that going amateur detective to figure out which contestants win and lose in this year’s Great British Bake Off is spoiling the fun faster than a Baked Alaska left out of the freezer. To those people I’d say: yes. The following article is not fun. It is a serious and intense week-by-week breakdown of who will leave GBBO in 2017. How? Using the contestants’ Twitter and Instagram accounts, of course.

The clues are simple but manifold, like a rat with cousins. They include:

  • The date a contestant signed up for social media (was it during, or after, the competition?)
  • Whether a contestant follows any of the others (indicating they had a chance to bond)
  • A contestant’s personal blog and headshots (has the contestant already snaffled a PR?)
  • Pictures of the contestant's baking.
  • Whether a baker refers to themselves as a “baker” or “contestant” (I still haven’t figured this one out but FOR GOD’S SAKE WATSON, THERE’S SOMETHING IN IT)

Using these and other damning, damning, damning clues, I have broken down the contestants into early leavers, mid-season departures, and finalists. I apologise for what I have done.

Early leavers

Kate

Kate appears not to have a Twitter – or at least not one that the other contestants fancy following. This means she likely doesn’t have a book deal on the way, as she’d need to start building her social media presence now. Plus, look at how she’s holding that fork. That’s not how you hold a fork, Kate.

Estimated departure: Week 1

Julia

This year’s Bake Off began filming on 30 April and each series has ten episodes, meaning filming ran until at least 9 July. Julia first tweeted on 8 May – a Monday, presumably after a Sunday of filming. Her Instagram shows she baked throughout June and then – aha! – went on holiday. What does this mean? What does anything mean?

Estimated departure: Week 2

James

James has a swish blog that could indicate a PR pal (and a marketing agency recently followed him on Twitter). That said, after an April and May hiatus, James began tweeting regularly in June – DID HE PERHAPS HAVE A SUDDEN INFLUX OF FREE TIME? No one can say. Except me. I can and I am.

Estimated departure: Week 3

Tom

Token-hottie Tom is a real trickster, as a social media-savvy youngster. That said, he tweeted about being distracted at work today, indicating he is still in his old job as opposed to working on his latest range of wooden spoons. His Instagram is suspiciously private and his Twitter sparked into activity in June. What secrets lurk behind that mysteriously hot face? What is he trying to tell me, and only me, at this time?

Estimated departure: Week 4

Peter

Peter’s blog is EXCEPTIONALLY swish, but he does work in IT, meaning this isn’t a huge clue about any potential managers. Although Peter’s bakes look as beautiful as the moon itself, he joined Twitter in May and started blogging then too, suggesting he had a wee bit of spare time on his hands. What’s more, his blog says he likes to incorporate coconut as an ingredient in “everything” he bakes, and there is absolutely no bread-baking way Paul Hollywood will stand for that.

Estimated departure: Week 5

Mid-season departures

Stacey

Stacey’s buns ain’t got it going on. The mum of three only started tweeting today – and this was simply to retweet GBBO’s official announcements. That said, Stacey appears to have cooked a courgette cake on 9 June, indicating she stays in the competition until at least free-from week (or she’s just a massive sadist).

Estimated departure: Week 6

Chris

Chris is a tricky one, as he’s already verified on Twitter and was already solidly social media famous before GBBO. The one stinker of a clue he did leave, however, was tweeting about baking a cake without sugar on 5 June. As he was in London on 18 June (a Sunday, and therefore a GBBO filming day) and between the free-from week and this date he tweeted about bread and biscuits (which are traditionally filmed before free-from week in Bake Off history) I suspect he left just before, or slap bang on, Week 7. ARE YOU PROUD NOW, MOTHER?

Estimated departure: Week 7

Flo

Flo’s personal motto is “Flo leaves no clues”, or at least I assume it is because truly, the lady doesn’t. She’s the oldest Bake Off contestant ever, meaning we can forgive her for not logging onto the WWWs. I am certain she’ll join Twitter once she realises how many people love her, a bit like Val of seasons past. See you soon, Flo. See you soon.

Estimated departure: Week 8

Liam

Liam either left in Week 1 or Week 9 – with 0 percent chance it was any of the weeks in between. The boy is an enigma – a cupcake conundrum, a macaron mystery. His bagel-eyed Twitter profile picture could realistically either be a professional shot OR taken by an A-Level mate with his dad’s camera. He tweeted calling his other contestants “family”, but he also only follows ONE of them on the site. Oh, oh, oh, mysterious boy, I want to get close to you. Move your baking next to mine.

Estimated departure: Week 9

Finalists

Steven

Twitter bios are laden with hidden meanings and Steven Carter-Bailey’s doesn’t disappoint. His bio tells people to tune in “every” (every!) Tuesday and he has started his own hashtag, #StevenGBBO. As he only started tweeting 4 August (indicating he was a busy lil baker before this point) AND his cakes look exceptionally lovely, this boy stinks of finalist.  

(That said, he has never tweeted about bread, meaning he potentially got chucked out on week three, Paul Hollywood’s reckoning.)

Sophie

Sophie’s Twitter trail is the most revealing of the lot, as the bike-loving baker recently followed a talent agency on the site. This agency represents one of last year’s GBBO bakers who left just before the finale. It’s clear Sophie’s rising faster than some saffron-infused sourdough left overnight in Mary’s proving drawer. Either that or she's bolder than Candice's lipstick. 

Chuen-Yan

Since joining Twitter in April 2017, Yan has been remarkably silent. Does this indicate an early departure? Yes, probably. Despite this, I’m going to put her as a finalist. She looks really nice. 

Amelia Tait is a technology and digital culture writer at the New Statesman.