Return to: Home | Blogs | Conference blog

We cannot be killed

'Shortly there will be an election, in which Labour will increase its majority'

Let’s be clear: this is a mad one. You won’t have heard it anywhere else, but you can take it from me. At the age of 38, this is my 17th consecutive Labour Party conference, and I’ve never been to one quite like this.

It’s in the nature of collective hysteria that no single act can be adduced to prove its existence. But there is a fin de siecle, self-destructive, decadent craziness about Conference 2007. Somewhere in the wads of twenty somethings and thirtywouldbes jamming the chintzy Bournemouth bars long after they’re normally silent lurks the jitterbugging desperation of the Twenties before the Crash, Berlin between the wars, London as Imperial Glory died with its queen. The collective psyche of this group of individuals who’ve never had it so good has rarely been so uncertain.

This is not a columnar conceit. I do not really have a thesis; no point to prove. I can only tentatively explain this atmosphere. But nor am I wrong. This mood is as real as the grief in the church. I am simply reporting what is here.

Perhaps the magnitude of the moment we face is too great for us collectively to bear. Shortly there will be an election, in which Labour will increase its majority, and in so doing utterly shatter the glass paradigm of cyclical politics which has contained us for the century since 1906. This ought to herald another decade of strong, confident, consensual Labour government. Which will finally and irrevocably transform the nature of politics and civic life in Britain.

That is a frightening responsibility. The young princes who now stride the parade ground with the confidence born of aristocratic schooling can never be afraid. They never have been. Like latter day Pushkins drilled in the elite academy of Brownian blitzkrieg, they are bursting with their sense of destiny. It’s not the Milibands, the Ballses or the Burnhams who are unconsciously nervous. This is the moment for which they were created. They are ready.

But for the rest, the officer class as much as the rank and file, it’s a daunting inheritance. The decade to date has been a long march to sustain. Those who led it have changed and re-changed, been shuffled and sidelined, died and retired from the field. But we – the poor bloody soldiers - are still here. Our boots are fresh and our uniforms re-supplied. We are rested and invigorated. Morale, if it anywhere was, can only be high. Yet still it’s a decade since we have been home. As we prepare to strike out again from our camp, we don’t wonder which army will triumph, but begin to ask what we will do if this march never ends.

For, that, indeed, is what this madness is: it’s the hour that we see that the march never ends.

We’ve learned that we cannot be killed. And we’ve come to accept that we’ll never go home. But now is the light headed dance, the fretful mazurka, of an army that knows it can never arrive.

Post this article to

  • Digg
  • del.icio.us
  • newsvine
  • Reddit

28 comments from readers

julian
25 June 2008 at 22:06

Gads, talk about a view of the future through rose-tinted spectacles. I rather suspect that Mr Simon has been enjoying the Chardonnay a little too much when he wrote that article. Either that or he had just read Nick Griffin's autobiography for a second time ....

Ashley_Pomeroy
25 June 2008 at 22:15

What is a "glass paradigm"?

Rob
25 June 2008 at 23:20

Rose tinted spectacles? I think you mean a welder’s mask. The guy is bordering on delusions; nay he is fully and completely immersed in delusions and a military fetishist to boot.

At least he knows which side of the House is home to his nasty party though, I’ll give him that.

guido
25 June 2008 at 23:29

Priceless today

Rob
25 June 2008 at 23:57

"This mood is as real as the grief in the church. I am simply reporting what is here." 25th Sept. 2007.

A mere nine months later, I wonder what he is thinking now. Great timing there Guido, I rarely know the date so thanks for the nudge.

Rob
27 June 2008 at 18:55

Redefreiheit nicht erlaubt.

guido
17 September 2008 at 17:56

I come back here every now and then just to cry with laughter.

Charles Hatton
25 September 2008 at 09:01

"This is not a columnar conceit. I do not really have a thesis; no point to prove ... But nor am I wrong".

Yes you were ... (errr) ... are ... (errr) ... will continue to be.

Forlornehope
25 September 2008 at 10:42

Gordon Brown's evocation of Typhoon sums up his conference speach quite nicely. Afterall, Conrad's last words on Captain MacWhirr were "I think that he got out of it very well for such a stupid man".

Quite a good fit!

AsYouLikeIt
26 September 2008 at 02:58

His "1,000 Year Reich" will barely last 12 years and he will die a broken and defeated man.

vera
26 September 2008 at 04:09

What is a "glass paradigm"? It is the thing the Queen of Hearts used to rest her Flamingoes on during the Croquet Match in Alice in Wonderland. John Prescott is the expert here, however.

JM
26 September 2008 at 14:38

"But there is a fin de siecle, self-destructive, decadent craziness about Conference 2007. Somewhere in the wads of twenty somethings and thirtywouldbes jamming the chintzy Bournemouth bars long after they’re normally silent lurks the jitterbugging desperation of the Twenties before the Crash, Berlin between the wars, London as Imperial Glory died with its queen. The collective psyche of this group of individuals who’ve never had it so good has rarely been so uncertain."

Well the crash has happened. Imperial Glory died with the non-election. Uncertainty has become the dread certainty that they face not "another decade of strong, confident, consensual Labour government" but another decade in the wilderness of opposition. Pure hubris. Oh Joy!

Fred Preuss
15 October 2008 at 00:33

Shee-awn (yes, it's not the real spelling, but it can't possibly be more affected and pointless than the actual way he writes his name) couldn't have made less sense if he'd been on ludes.

Even Faux News is easier to follow than this.

alee111
30 April 2009 at 15:40

ha ha ha how does it feel to not be able to spin and con your way to percieved competance. You have given us a decade of disaster, and the good achieved cannot be sustained without more magic formula (debt), so nothing has been achieved. I encourage you and all labour MP's to walk out into the blizzard and never return. Tell your children you have ruined their future.

madasafish
29 May 2009 at 17:48

Schadenfreude describes this situation...

Jonathan Cook
06 August 2009 at 17:52

Do Broadmoor know that you are on the loose?

I'd like to see your results for a Rorschach ink blot test.

Maybe you could post the results on YouTube for all to

marvel at?

Oldsoldier
06 August 2009 at 20:40

You are an obnoxious person. You insult every soldier you and your party have spit on. As an ex-soldier I find you offensive to all service personnel past and present.

StevenL
07 August 2009 at 02:16

prat

BusterGonads
07 August 2009 at 09:52

It seems odd that after treating our soldiers like worms

for over a decade and whilst coffins are flying back

weekly, this hack feels comfortable with such a

comparison. You Labour We Party.

For comedy this is better than Mandy's re-election and

Kevin Keegan's outburst. This article is pure moral.

Scary to think this guy has responsibility for anything

though.

Observer Flynn
07 August 2009 at 09:56

Pretentious, incomprehendable drivel ... the combination of such flawed thinking and stunning lack of awareness will explain the imminent demise of NuLab. Prat, above, was kindly.

TFoot
07 August 2009 at 13:04

I agree with many of the comments here, and would only amend the very first post by saying that he is looking through rosé-tinted glasses.

This is a delusional fiction from an out-of-date, hopeless MP demonstrates exactly how idiotic some people are.

He talks of 'poor bloody soldiers', and I agree that 'bloody' is exactly the term I would use to describe him: bloody stupid.

NeMaSiS
07 August 2009 at 16:04

Laugh - I don't think my socks will ever dry!

Scrof
07 August 2009 at 21:29

Possibly the funniest article I've ever read in the New Spartsman, which isn't saying much, admittedly.

Has this bloke forgotten to take his medication? I'm concerned he may harm himself.

greatscot
09 August 2009 at 01:25

When reading this I have my own image/metaphore/paradigm in mind. It strikes me as being almost identical to the thoughts that must go through the mind of a turd floating in a toilet bowl in a miliray base shortly before it's flushed.

If this represents the intelligence and character of the current generation of Leftist politicians then Ithe Right will be in government for the balance of the 21st century.

Amy Khan
01 September 2009 at 14:07

Nothing beside remains. Round the decay

Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,

The lone and level sands stretch far away

Steve
29 September 2009 at 20:54

I will never ever tire of reading this...

It should be linked to more often

Bob
30 September 2009 at 13:15

I just called in to mark this articles 2 year aniversary (a bit late). No matter how many times I read it, it never fails to make me chuckle.

Steve Clapham
11 October 2009 at 00:26

You are a very embarrassing man.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gcS7i4wn01o

Awful.

Post your comment

(Your email address will not be published)

Recent Posts

Blears joins the Tories

01 October 2008 16:51

Sombre Tories

01 October 2008 09:10

Tackling homelessness

29 September 2008 18:34

Yet to seal the deal

27 September 2008 09:27

Brown's comeback

23 September 2008 18:21

The need for 'narrative'

23 September 2008 15:43

Time to rein in the wreckless

22 September 2008 20:04

Past Entries

Follow this blog

Blogroll

Vote!

Will Baroness Ashton be an effective EU foreign minister?

Suggest a question

View comments

© New Statesman 1913 – 2009

Tracker