The ADgenda: Levi's jeans

This week's most offensive advert.

It's often exhausting watching adverts. The constant focus on self-improvement wears you down swiftly until you're left contemplating the futility of making that cup of tea because how will that make you sexier/funnier/skinnier/smarter? It's an age old method and we all know it only too well - make the consumer feel inadequate and they will latch onto any quick-fix solution, no matter how silly.

A new way of life is offered by everything from your hifi to your toilet roll. But with all these new ways of living on offer surely the outcome is a society of severely confused individuals with a bad case of identity crisis? Levi's are here though to force their idea of success upon our tiny minds. By buying a pair of their jeans you're not just presenting your bum in its best light - oh no no - you're buying into a whole way of life. Your world view will change for the better - you'll become more spontaneous, more enigmatic, more self-assured, and far better-looking. You'll freefall off tall buildings just for the hell of it, before prancing in the rain all the while maintaining your dead-eye pout. Because you're wearing a pair of Levi's.

Just like the Beat poets of yesteryear a side-effect from this new way of life may well be a touch of mental instability - you'll say. every. word. very. loudly. and. jerkily. because. you. are. edgy. but. also. starting. to. feel. a. bit. paranoid. and. you. are. wearing. Levi's. So as you prowl the streets muttering a string of words that sound clever but are actually utter gibberish while hastily doing up your shirt because, oops, you're so busy embracing your new outlook that you forgot to dress yourself in a decent manner this morning - congratulations, you've turned into that person. The one who passers-by cross the street to avoid.

Levi's advert. Photograph: Getty Images
Show Hide image

No, David Cameron’s speech was not “left wing”

Come on, guys.

There is a strange journalistic phenomenon that occurs when a party leader makes a speech. It is a blend of groupthink, relief, utter certainty, and online backslapping. It happened particularly quickly after David Cameron’s speech to Tory party conference today. A few pundits decided that – because he mentioned, like, diversity and social mobility – this was a centre-left speech. A leftwing speech, even. Or at least a clear grab for the liberal centre ground. And so that’s what everyone now believes. The analysis is decided. The commentary is written. Thank God for that.

Really? It’s quite easy, even as one of those nasty, wicked Tories, to mention that you actually don’t much like racism, and point out that you’d quite like poor children to get jobs, without moving onto Labour's "territory". Which normal person is in favour of discriminating against someone on the basis of race, or blocking opportunity on the basis of class? Of course he’s against that. He’s a politician operating in a liberal democracy. And this isn’t Ukip conference.

Looking at the whole package, it was actually quite a rightwing speech. It was a paean to defence – championing drones, protecting Britain from the evils of the world, and getting all excited about “launching the biggest aircraft carriers in our history”.

It was a festival of flagwaving guff about the British “character”, a celebration of shoehorning our history chronologically onto the curriculum, looking towards a “Greater Britain”, asking for more “national pride”. There was even a Bake Off pun.

He also deployed the illiberal device of inculcating a divide-and-rule fear of the “shadow of extremism – hanging over every single one of us”, informing us that children in UK madrassas are having their “heads filled with poison and their hearts filled with hate”, and saying Britain shouldn’t be “overwhelmed” with refugees, before quickly changing the subject to ousting Assad. How unashamedly centrist, of you, Mr Prime Minister.

Benefit cuts and a reduction of tax credits will mean the Prime Minister’s enthusiasm for “equality of opportunity, as opposed to equality of outcome” will be just that – with the outcome pretty bleak for those who end up losing any opportunity that comes with state support. And his excitement about diversity in his cabinet rings a little hollow the day following a tubthumping anti-immigration speech from his Home Secretary.

If this year's Tory conference wins the party votes, it’ll be because of its conservative commitment – not lefty love bombing.

Anoosh Chakelian is deputy web editor at the New Statesman.