In the Doherty

In the words of new director Roger Wright this year’s proms promise to “juxtapose the familiar and the unfamiliar”. Alongside Elgar’s gushing sentiment the eclectic sounds of Stockhausen, Dr Who and Vaughan Williams will be heard. Abandoning Nicholas Kenyon’s practice of adopting a theme for each programme Roger Wright has chosen to structure the season around the anniversaries of a series of significant composers.

The centenaries of Elliot Carter, Messiaen, and the late Stockhausen’s eightieth birthday are all celebrated and the fifty years since Vaughan Williams death is marked by an unprecedented free concert of folk songs. Besides showcasing established musicians plenty of space is made for new composers. The Torino Scale by Mark Anthony Turnage and the Dr Who theme tune will feature and the BBC has commissioned eleven new compositions (the Scottish composer Anna Meredith will have her work premiered on the last night.) Writing for The New Statesman last year Tory London Assembly member Brian Coleman confessed his dislike of such ‘ghastly modern’ music. His article went on to argue that the proms are responsible for cultivating ‘cultural apartheid’ in the land of hope and glory. This idea has had significant press in the last month following Margaret Hodge’s widely criticised call for diversity. Admittedly Stockhausen’s compositions are by no means easy listening. However, with the introduction this year of contextual pre-concert events at the Royal College of Music and concerts that cost as little as £2.20 accusations of elitism look set to be undermined.

British artist David Hockney made headlines this week when he donated his monumental painting "Bigger Trees near Wharton" to the Tate. Sprawling over fifty adjoining canvases the image clocks in at twelve metres long and five metres tall. It depicts a coppice near Bridlington in Yorkshire, and was completed for the Royal Academy exhibition last summer. Hockney’s generous gesture prompted Jonathan Jones (writing for the Guardian) to describe the artist as "a national treasure". The painter, however, explained his donation in terms of gratitude, saying: “I think it is the duty of the artist, once they have become successful, to give.” The Tate was one of the first institutions to buy Hockney’s work when he was an emerging talent in the sixties. His gift (which would cost millions on the open market) comes at a good time, as the value of paintings continues to rise. Last year, the NS commented on the unfortunate growth of private art collections in the UK – hopefully Hockney’s manoeuvre will help to keep more of our treasures national.

The Tate Modern also attracted interest this week. Following on the heels of Banksy’s recent book launch street art is once again in the public eye. Next month the gallery’s external wall will display graffiti from around the world, including artwork by Barcelona’s Sixeart and the Italian artist Blu. It is hoped that the high profile venue will help graffiti shed its association with antisocial vandalism, and the event is expected to prove very popular. The Tate Modern describes street art as an “important aspect of current art practise.” However, as we reported last year street art is continually evolving and graffiti is by no means its only form. Artists such as Slink have found new ways to surprise the unsuspecting pedestrian. Slink, who sees his work as a social experiment has commented that: “Adults pay no attention to their surrounding. We walk around as if we were blind.”

Other artists in the news this week include Damien Hirst and Pete Doherty - both managed to successfully upset uniformed officials. Hirst’s infamous sculpture ‘Mother and Child, divided’ ran into trouble at the Japanese customs. The artwork, which won the Turner Prize in 1995, consists of a dead cow and calf, sliced in half and preserved in formaldehyde. Due to be exhibited at the Mori Art museum in Japan the piece was stopped by customs as a result of the Japanese ban on British Beef. After the gallery confirmed that the cow was not for eating the curators managed to guide it safely to the exhibition. Doherty’s collision with authority was less benevolent: the Babyshambles singer and ex-boyfriend of Kate Moss has been jailed for fourteen weeks after breaching a probation order. It is rumoured that he will still perform at Glastonbury this summer.

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TV show ideas better than the Game of Thrones showrunners’ series about slavery

Beep Show: 25 minutes of constant annoying beep sounds.

So David Benioff and D.B. Weiss, the showrunners on Game of Thrones, have announced their next TV idea: a revisionist piece where slavery never ended in America. The response was... not good. As Ira Madison III wrote for the Daily Beast, “this harebrained idea serves as yet another reminder that the imaginations of white men can be incredibly myopic... this show sounds stupid as hell.” So I and the New Statesman web team came up with our suggestions for TV shows we’d rather watch. Please enjoy.

The Office, except it’s your office, every day, from 9-5, from now until you’re 70.

Blackadder, but it’s just about fucking snakes.

Pingu, but after the icecaps have melted.

A children’s TV show about a time-travelling grammar-obsessed medical pedant called Doctor Whom.

A Series Of Unfortunate Events, but it’s just me, trying to talk to people in various social settings.

The Great British Hake Off: who has the best medium to large seawater fish averaging from 1 to 8 pounds?

Gilmore Girl. Lorelai is dead.

Brooklyn 99. Let’s go buy an ice cream in New York City, baby!

Come Dine With Me. The host only cooks one meal and other contestants fight for it.

The Sorcerer’s Apprentice: Alan Sugar selling broomsticks in Romford market.

Match of the Day, but it’s just about actual wooden matches.

One Tree Hill. It’s just a tree on a hill.

House of Cards. It’s a man building a – ok I think you get where we’re going with this now.

Knife Swap: what happens when gangs trade territories?

Recess: a provincial MP goes home and sorts out his guttering.

Blue Planet: on the ground in the smurf community.

Transparent: Your TV, replaced with glass.

Game of Thrones, without the violence against women.

Friends, but without modern medicine so all the friends die by age 25. Except Ross. Ross lives.

Beep Show: 25 minutes of constant annoying beep sounds.

Rugrats, but it’s just one long tracking shot of a rat-infested rug.

A talking head countdown starring minor British celebrities but instead of the best comedies of the 1970s or whatever they’re just ranking other talking head countdowns starring minor British celebrities.

30 Rocks: seven sweet, sweet hours of unfiltered footage of 30 motionless rocks.

Live footage of the emotional breakdown I’m having while writing this article.

The Good Wife: she’s just super sweet and likes making everyone cookies!

Stranger Things, but it’s about the time that stranger walked towards you and you both moved right and then both moved left to avoid each other and oh my God how is this still happening.

Parks and Recreation: Just a couple o’ pals having fun in the park!

Who Do You Think You Are? Just loads of your ancestors asking you how you even sleep at night.

The Crown: some really graphic childbirth footage playing on repeat.

Downtown Abbey: nuns in inner city Chicago.

Peeky Blinders: a study of neighbourhood curtain twitchers in a Belfast suburb.

DIY: SOS. The emergency services are called every episode!

The Big Bang Theory.

Anna Leszkiewicz is a pop culture writer at the New Statesman.