The NS Competition: No. 4155

We asked you to try your hand at limericks in which "Miliband" is one of the rhyme words. This week's winners:

Help! According to Wikipedia, the form a limerick takes is as follows:

“The standard form of a limerick is a stanza of five lines, with the first, second and fifth usually rhyming with one another and having three feet of three syllables each; and the shorter third and fourth lines also rhyming with each other, but having only two feet of three syllables. The defining 'foot' of
a limerick's meter is usually the anapaest (ta-ta-TUM, but limericks can also be considered amphibrachic, ta-TUM-ta)."

Here are some lines from various (unnamed) entries: "The squeezed middle", "Son of Brown" and “Not mad, they said, but savvy; and, far from silly, grand".

What happened to your two or three anapaests, my dears? In addition, the rhymes for Miliband were, shall we say, on occasion highly imaginative: militant, brilliant and moribund were three that caught my attention. And then there was the comper who sent in two entries of 12 and 13 lines, respectively. The winners get a £5 book token per limerick, except for those with two wins, who get a £10 cheque. The Tesco vouchers go, in addition, to Dave Sissons.

Daddy Ralph said to David and Ed,
“On your Marx, or I'll send you to bed!"
They laughed themselves silly, and
Each little Miliband
Played with a train set instead.

Dave Sissons

Young Edward, the Boy Miliband
– Short trousers, unfeasibly tanned -
He'll huff and he'll puff
Say "We've had enough:
The barricades, comrades, get manned."

Alan Slack
The inseparable Daveward stood down
When battle was lost by the Brown
By sleight of left hand
Brave young Miliband
Beat big bro to take up the crown.

John Sellars

Of the leadership challenge by Miliband
Supporters said: "Won't 'e or will 'e stand?"
I'm speaking of Ed
Who won by a head,
Ensuring Dave's goose had been billycanned.

Sylvia Fairley

There's David and Ed, his young brother
Who obviously share the same mother,
Their name's Miliband
And the one in command
Is not Dave, but alas!, it's the other.

Sid Field

A trade union leader called Crow
Lined his comrades up, row upon row.
Then he said: "Miliband:
It's gone just as I planned.
Now there's debts to be paid, as you know."

Brian D Allingham

A minuscule measure? - a millistrand
For radio waves, or a millipanned
For fish almost stinking,
But fresh Labour thinking
Needs small units of thought - say, a Miliband.

D A Prince

First, after your father and mother,
You get help and support from your brother
Unless fate has planned
That your name's Miliband
For then the result is quite other.

Alanna Blake (1)

Two brothers by name Miliband
Had their future careers neatly planned,
But the elder one, Dave,
Then stupidly gave
Young Edward a kind helping hand.

Alanna Blake (2)

David and Ed Miliband
Had passions politically fanned
By theory from dad
That capital's bad
And labour should rule all the land.

Robert Lee (1)

At mealtimes dad Ralph Miliband
Scorned the invisible hand.
Son Ed went astray:
“The market should stay"
And "values" not centrally planned.

Robert Lee (2)

The next challenge:

No 4158 Set by Leonora Casement
“Never rub bottoms with a porcupine" was a well-known offering back in the 1970s; "An owl in a sack troubles no man" in the 1980s. We'd like proverbs or aphorisms for the Noughties.
Max ten attempts by 30 December

This article first appeared in the 13 December 2010 issue of the New Statesman, The radical Jesus