Now, to celebrate summer:

1. The sun! It’s here! Oddly unsettling, when we were just getting ready for the flooding season.

2. Post-election turmoil. It will be a disaster. There will be hand-wringing, a reshuffle, possibly total collapse, definitely lots of turgid resignation speeches.

3. Recess. At last! Politicians will go on their well-deserved, sorry, well-publicised summer breaks. To chime with the general feeling of economic gloom and scandal, Cameron and Brown (replace with Johnson as necessary) will compete on cheapness. It will be the battle of tents versus caravans.

4. Obama-watching. Where will the first family go on holiday? How quickly will that place become the most popular destination in the world?

5. Silly season. Journalists will scrape the proverbial bottom of the barrel. Expect a lot about Susan Boyle and the weather.

6. Andy Murray. Will he win? Could this be the year? Shall we hype it up a bit more so he definitely doesn’t?

7. No football. That’s right, we have about half an hour off – no League, no international competition, nothing! (Apart from transfer season and the essential daily stories about Cristiano Ronaldo’s tiny bathing trunks.)

8. Bruno. Sacha Baron Cohen, post the buttocks-in-Eminem’s-face escapade (staged, sadly) will hit the screens in July as the Austrian fashionista, wearing probably not much more than Ronaldo’s tiny bathing trunks.

9. Culture. Edinburgh, music festivals, more music festivals, endless newspaper features on fashion at music festivals, pictures of Kate Moss at music festivals, pictures of mud at music festivals . . .

10. Expenses. Maybe, just maybe, the expenses exposé will end and the Telegraph will write about something else. But not before the House of Commons is empty and only the virtuous Ed Miliband and Alan Johnson are left playing table tennis, just to keep them busy.

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