Police brace themselves
No 4070
Set by Joy Hosker
According to the Guardian,
the police are predicting
that the middle classes will create a “Summer of Rage” as they demonstrate against the government’s failure to deal with the economic downturn and fat cats and their pensions. We asked for newspaper reports or first-person accounts of the demos. Avocado stones through the windows of No 10? The 4x4 parked on double yellow lines in Whitehall?
Report by Ms de Meaner
Yes, yes, I know you all spotted the mistake in the comp 4072 setting. Yes, Becky. No more emails, please! This week’s winners get £20 each. And
hon menshes to John Samson (for his Aga louts), Godfrey Holmes (for his suggestion of shouting, “Shame on you, shame!” at Alistair Darling as he alights from his taxi outside the Mansion House) and Nicholas Hodgson (for the middle-class marchers’ chant: “Action, please. When do we want it? Now, thank you”). In addition, the Tesco vouchers go to Basil Ransome-Davies.
Historic calls such as “Rectify the Anomalies” reappeared on placards during a protest march in Whitehall yesterday. Several hundred professionals from as far away as Maidstone and Beaconsfield braved the congestion charge to park their Volvos and take to the streets under the forbidding scrutiny of a slightly larger number of riot police. Passing government offices, some muttered bitterly or even shook their fists. One marcher who had travelled from Belsize Park said, “It’s bad enough living on the Northern Line, but quantitative easing won’t help pay my daughter’s school fees.” The mood turned ugly when a provocative chant of “What do we want? More fiscal regulation! When do we want it? Soon!” forced police to use their Tasers.
Basil Ransome-Davies
A Women’s Institute protest against
the monetary crisis caused chaos in London yesterday. Groups of naked WI members from Harrogate and Ripon marched around Trafalgar Square carrying placards that read: “Bankers Come Clean!” Some demonstrators threw jam tarts and fruit cake at the police cordon. Many of the women
were manhandled and arrested. Mayor Boris Johnson said he was right behind the women.
Sid Field
It’s calm but tense. A veritable sea of banners. “Acacia Avenue Angry Association” says one. And in impeccable French, “La Lutte des Classes Moyennes Continue”. And here come the Harrow Marchers, who’ve walked in from Oxford Circus Tube (strains of “The Bourgeoisie United Shall Never
Be Defeated”). The placards tell heart-rending tales: “Can’t Pay My Cleaner the Minimum Wage”, “Goodbye Guacamole. Hello Mushy Peas”, “Ladies Can’t Afford to Lunch”. Police are now fending off a hail of fruit and vegetables, obviously organic. There’s sun-dried tomatoes I can see, fennel bulbs, purple-sprouting broccoli and the missile of choice for Middle Britain, the asparagus spear. Ouch! I say! Perhaps I’d better take cover and return you to the studio.
Derek Morgan
No 4073 The unusual suspects
Set by Hank T Romein
Samuel Goldwyn once complained of being offered nothing but old clichés. What was needed, he declared, was some new clichés. Let’s supply a few for reality TV contestants, politicians and sports personalities. All the usual suspects, really. So step up to the plate and give 120 per cent. There are three you can replace for a start. We want a piece of prose full of clichés that have been altered to give them fresh life.
Max 120 words by 23 April
Email: comp@newstatesman.co.uk
