Ready, Steady . . . Vote No 4060

Ready, Steady . . . Vote No 4060

Well done. We had a variety of new dishes (Lobster Robespierre, Brown Westminster Soup) and some which were just the chef's version on an old theme (Mandy's Brandy Snaps). £20 to the three below, the best of whom (David Silverman) gets the Tesco vouchers.

Dinner for Old Friends with Gordon Brown

We're watching Dinner for Old Friends. Gordon's cooking a Burns Night Supper. In bloodied, wrap-over pinny, he wallows in sheep's innards. With relish he scrapes the stomach, minces flobbets of lungs, heart and liver, stirs in oatmeal, stuffs and trusses. He sets his haggis to boil; tackles the neaps and tatties. Here come the guests bearing single malts! Hurrah for the haggis! Hurrah for old friends! Gordon serves. Sarah and Alistair tuck in. Peter waves his arms, identifies ingredients, explaining in detail preparation of the innards by peoples as diverse as Bushmen and Bosnians. Tony, pale as a sick pope, pokes at the dun-coloured heaps on his plate. The genial host slips an arm round his shoulders: "Eat up, chum: it'll put hairs on your chest."

Anne Du Croz

EO: "Today: how to prepare an omelette - or an Olmlert, as I call it. The saying goes: 'You cannot make an omelette without breaking eggs: you have to get your hands dirty.' So, first: dirty your hands. Now break the eggs. Like this. And this. You can break large, medium or even little eggs. We don't find many free-range eggs locally, but they are fine to break, too. Our time is running out, so let's very, very quickly break some more. Sorry? 'What about the omelette?' That is typical of the bias in the media coverage. We are totally committed to the omelette, but why aren't you asking the eggs?"

Programme note: There is no evidence that any innocent eggs were harmed during the making of this programme.

PM: "An oily surface is vital. Take a little cheek, in fact take a lot of cheek, but don't turn it. Make several deep, slashing cuts and rub in the salt, lots of salt. Then comes the Clause Four moment. Using a specially weighted steak hammer, beat the living hell out of the meat. If you live in Islington, apply the hammer vigorously. If in Hampstead, tell the chef to do so. To get the requisite amount of force, imagine the meat is Clause Four. When the meat is a bloody, slashed, salted pulp, skewer it over a low flame until it screams - I mean, sizzles. Serve Mandelson's Bloody Cheek hot or cold. This dish keeps, can be reheated and reserved."

Next week: the benefit of Brussels.

No 4063 . . . Do as I tell you

Set by Michael Cregan

We want you to send in misleading advice for British travellers about to visit foreign counties. An old 'un, but the passing of time means there will be lots of new ways the unwary Brit can put his/her foot in it.

As many attempts as you like by 12 February

Email: comp@newstatesman.co.uk