Society
Masai warriors, non-doms and Rick Astley
Published 17 April 2008
The London Marathon is habitually called a "festival". I suspect this accolade is given by those who have never run it
On Sunday 13 April, I was standing in a pen with thousands of other people. We were all greased with Vaseline and clad in singlets. A few of us were in fancy dress: Snow White, a fully togged-up morris dancer, a Womble, a Masai warrior. Actually, the Masai warriors were in their normal clothes. The London Marathon is habitually called a "festival". I suspect this accolade is given by those who have never run it. At four miles, it's still a laugh. Gospel singers serenaded us; laughing onlookers handed out quarters of orange. At ten miles, things get a bit more serious. At 19 miles, thousands of people are yelling their heads off but you have no energy to hear them.
The best moment? No, not the Mall, or the medal, or when I cried all over the nice woman who took off my timing chip. Beyond all doubt the best moment was trotting up and out of Blackfriars tunnel, seeing daylight, Waterloo Bridge and the London Eye, and knowing that the "suburban man's Everest", as the Marathon is also often known, was in the bag. The curve of the Embankment had never been so utterly beautiful.
No more running. Ever
Later, over a hugely calorific lunch, my mother called. "Rachel Johnson was very rude about you in her column in the Sunday Times," she observed. "Said you were doing the Marathon for an ego trip." Well, one person's ego is another person's personal achievement, plus the small matter of some five grand raised for my charity, Help the Hospices. Anyway, I don't mind. All that matters is that I won't have to be in Highbury Fields wearing running shoes at 6.30am. Ever. My time? Oh, go on then. Twist my arm. Three hours, 51 minutes.
While not obsessing about 26.2 miles, I've been obsessing about the non-doms; those 113,000 people who live and work in Britain but have their main domicile elsewhere. The nasty Chancellor Mr Darling plans to force them to pay a £30,000-a-year tax. I was asked to winkle them and their impressively large bevy of "advisers" out for a documentary on Radio 4. "Think of them as giant pandas," says Kirsty, my producer, "which we have to observe in their lairs."
When we found them in their lairs (Mayfair, Hampstead, the City), the non-doms seemed reasonably happy to be observed. Yes, they do think they are special, talented and worth having in this country. No, they are not happy with the Chancellor, and now that they are going to have 30 grand taken off them every year, they have started talking about "slippery slopes" and have become much more focused on real-estate opportunities in Dubai or Geneva. But £30,000 is not such a lot of money to them, is it? Very wealthy people watch their money all the time, a non-dom lawyer tells me. That is, of course, why they are very wealthy.
Rickrolling
Settling down at the Groucho, I felt like waving to anyone who knew me. "Look! I'm over here! It's me! Me! With RICK ASTLEY!!" The uncomfortable star and genius hip-swayer of "Never Gonna Give You Up" had reluctantly come out of his south London lair to chat to me about being an internet phenomenon; Rickrolling, as it's known, has become such a craze that on 11 April, at 6pm, hundreds of people started dancing to "Never Gonna Give You Up" in Liverpool Street Station, and 13 million others have downloaded the link online.
Was he interested in having his youthful career as an Eighties pop star reincarnated? Er, nope. "I don't have a career, and haven't had for years. There's not been anything that I really wanted to get behind or felt comfortable with." But the attention must be rather fun, mustn't it? Again, no. "I never sit in the car driving into town thinking, 'I'm Rick Astley!' And if someone sees me on YouTube - well, I know it's me, but I don't carry that around with me all the time. I don't consider myself famous." What about the Rick Astley brand, then? "There is no Rick Astley brand," he replies calmly. I tell him how normal he is. "I take that as a compliment," he says.
"Rosie and the Non-Doms" is on BBC Radio 4 on Saturday 19 April at 10.30am and is available to Listen Again at http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4 until Friday 25 April
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