The wrong trousers
Set by Ian Blake
I may have misled you this week. I had an email from Bill Greenwell, asking what the 40-word max was for: ie, was this length all that was allowed in total; or could you send in as many goes as you like (from which I might later choose one), with each allowed to go up to 40 words? It was the latter, but I can tell by the number of singletons sent in that some of my regulars thought it was the former. Sorry, Silversides and Bazza! £20 and the Tesco vouchers to J Seery, £15 to John O'Byrne and the rest get £5 book tokens.
David Cameron
. . . looks like the kind of man who applies Brylcreem to his teeth and toothpaste to his hair.
John Prescott
. . . went through life looking both surprised and angry to find himself standing under the right head of hair.
Leon Brittan
. . . even in a good mood, wore an expression that said: "I am not going to waste a perfectly good sneer on you."
Peter Mandelson
. . . looks as if his hair has been forbidden to grow beyond a certain length.
Jeffrey Archer
. . . is the kind of man who will always be centre-stage, even if he has to move the stage.
J Seery
David Miliband
. . . looks like the sort who should be wearing a trilby.
Katie Mallett
Gordon Brown
. . . is the kind of person who would reverse the charges dialling 999.
John Samson
Nelson Mandela
. . . is an old South African guy who has spent half his life in jail and the other half attending rock concerts and getting kissed by Spice Girls.
David Silverman
Simon Cowell
. . . is a man with his ear perpetually to the grindstone.
Bill Greenwell
Peter Mandelson
. . . has the aura of a man for whom the self-opening door might have been invented.
Basil Ransome-Davies
Iain Duncan Smith
. . . speaks with the voice of someone who has mistaken battery acid for mouthwash.
Glyn Haggett
Bruce Forsyth
. . . looks like someone who has a ferret permanently running up and down his trouser leg.
Paris Hilton
. . . is the sort of person who goes around pretending to own the hotel she's staying in.
John O'Byrne
No 4057 Keep up with the times
Set by J Seery
There is an urban legend about a British judge asking: "Who are the Beatles?" And Clive Anderson has written of Sir Jeremiah Harman, who claimed not to have heard of "Gazza": "Is there not an opera called Gazza Ladra?" Let's have answers to some out- of-touch judge-type questions from even more ignorant barristers: for example, "A chav is a supporter of Bolivarian socialism, your honour."
As many goes as you like by 11 December
Email:comp@newstatesman.co.uk
