A sharp downturn is reported in the sums paid out by the Tooth Fairy, and current economic conditions must even raise doubts as to the future viability of the operation. Brown, Blair, Cameron and other political figures have young children. We wanted to know how they would explain this cutback

The credit crunch bites

Set by Hank T Romein

Report by Ms de Meaner

Well done. I was a bit cross at those who sent in entries forgetting to say who was doing the speaking or not giving a single clue in the text. G M Davis's "Ivan, Nancy, Arthur, I know you're disappointed . . ." is an example from a sensible comper. A £5 book token to Liam Kenson for his first few lines. £20 to the three main winners, the best of whom (John Griffiths-Colby) also gets the Tesco vouchers.

Boris Johnson Um, er, let me be absolutely clear. Sed quis custodiet ipsos custodes? There is no question of my having sacked the Tooth Fairy. I was aware of accusations of an alleged differential approach by her towards black and white teeth and about the use of her under-pillow "stop and search" powers. I consulted widely and concluded that the whole area of dental hygiene policing would benefit from freshening up and new leadership. I spoke with the Tooth Fairy and, honourably, she chose to resign. A procedure will be put in place to appoint a new Tooth Fairy in due course.

Neil Rennick

Tony Blair I'm sorry, erm . . . Leo, but I'm going to have to stop you there. Actually, if you listened to the totality of what I said, I think you'll find that I never suggested that we would definitely find 50p under your pillow this morning, but I said that according to the intelligence available to us, it would be found, and actually I don't make any apology about that, to you or to anyone else, Leo. Now if the Tooth Fairy has hidden the evidence, then, actually, we will just have to continue to look . . . Leo? Leo, are you listening to me?

Margaret Thatcher There is no such thing as the Tooth Fairy, you moaning Minnie. Just see what you can get for the tooth on the open market. Meanwhile, get back up that chimney.

Peter Mandelson I am the Tooth Fairy.

David Silverman

Gordon Brown In monetary terms, my dear, and in terms of a tenable, sustainable service going forward, we have to recognise that, as a society, it is incumbent on all of us to hold on to our teeth for longer. It is unfeasible for children to rely on a "fairy state" that will magically reimburse them for normal, natural loss of dentition. However, from April 2012 mobile-phone top-up relief will be available to those children who retain teeth; credits will be means-tested and added to an account, accessible via Facebook, once the child is 18. Transitional arrangements between now and April 2009 will allow continued payments per whole tooth, excepting those broken or damaged in childlike games. Sleep tight.

John Griffiths-Colby

Sarah Palin My understanding is that there are two people called Fannie and Freddie who have been very naughty . . .

Liam Kenson

No 4052 Help in my time of need

Set by Gavin Ross

We all get spam emails supposedly from relatives of deposed dictators detailing their trials and tribulations and offering large rewards in exchange for our bank details. Can we have similar spams from the supposed relatives of a British public figure of your choice - real or fictional, past or present.

Max 120 words by 6 November

Email: comp@newstatesman.co.uk

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