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Who shall we pray for?

Published 30 October 2008

We must all now have heard of the Church of England's "Rapid Response Prayer Unit". We asked you to eavesdrop on deliberations at the Unit, which must have plenty to discuss at the moment

£20 to the main winners, the best of whom (D A Prince) gets the Tesco vouchers. A £5 book token for Bill Greenwell for his first line.

Canterbury I think we should pray for those who have been passed over.

York Like Michael "I'm not bitter" Nazir Ali? Ha ha . . .

Ripon Start us off extemporary, Rowan.

Canterbury Dear Lord, comforter in our distress, support those once-bright stars of our nation who realise, in despair . . .

York . . . that they're Division Two material, despite the Miliband moniker; that they've dithered and missed the boat . . .

Ripon . . . that their destiny is to be but a footnote in history . . .

York . . . that they didn't keep an eye open for photographers; that they didn't want the banana anyway . . .

Canterbury . . . and grant them happiness in some lesser role . . .

York even though they watch their buff, gargle-voiced, younger brother run off with the biggest prize . . .

Canterbury . . . through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Anne Du Croz

Gentlemen, the Rapid Response Prayer Unit has a key role to play in the renewal of the Church and its place in society, as do its subgroups. Unfortunately the Fulfilment of Prophecy Subgroup was unable to meet, due to unforeseen circumstances, but the Integral Place for Women in the Church Subgroup did meet, and we are grateful to them for the delicious scones. Now, we need to pray for the future of the Church. The Church needs to be relevant to a postmodern, postfeminist, post-capitalist, inclusive, secular contemporary context. We need to pray for help in deconstructing traditional dogmas and exploring a range of alternative narratives for the postmodern age. The agenda is clear and urgent. Now.who shall we pray to?

David Silverman

Archbishop OK, chop chop. Let's pray. God? Right. Amen. Now to business.

Bishop Mammon is . . .

Arch Can't pray for him. Next?

Bish Those who are leading us through the troubled . . .

Arch Hurry up.

Bish . . . waters of the global financial . . .

Arch No. Next?

Bish Shouldn't we discuss . . .

Arch No. Speed - of the essence. People, person - out there -

needs our prayers, fast. Can't waste time.

Bish God . . .

Arch No. Done him already.

Bish Christ!

Arch Ditto - by association. My thoughts - text prayers: predictive sins, 500 free per month. Conditions apply, depending on tariff. Roaming permitted, subject to credit rating. Available 24/7. Fastest connections. Think we can handle it?

D A Prince

Canterbury Could we do something for Alan Sugar?

Bill Greenwell

No 4053 You make my palate water

Set by Brendan O'Byrne

Could we have some chat-up lines, as long as you like, from a range of professionals of your choice, such as chefs, footballers, teachers, etc.

Max ten by 13 November

Email: comp@newstatesman.co.uk

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