Let's work together

A packed postbag this week. You all had a great time and I was sorry to lose Mae Scanlon (telemarketers) and Garry Honey (call-centre operators). Hon menshes to them. £20 to the winners, the best of whom David Silverman) also gets the Tesco vouchers.

The Spin Doctors' Song

(Tune: "Pick a Bale of Cotton")

I said

Me and my buddy gonna forge a dodgy dossier

Now

Me and my buddy gonna help to start a war

I said

Me and my buddy gonna tart up David Miliband

Now

Me and my buddy don't back Gordon any more

Chorus:

Gonna jump up

The Check-In Desk Staff Shanty

(Tune: "What Shall We Do With the Drunken Sailor?")

What shall we do when they check their cases,

Afore jetting off to foreign places?

Charge 'em fifteen quid and watch their faces

Early in the morning.

Shame it didn't weigh just one pound lighter;

Shame our regulations just got tighter;

Shame we weren't trained to be politer

Early in the morning.

Chorus:

Heave-ho and up the prices;

Repack your knickers on the airport floor-oh;

Queue up again for an hour or more-oh;

We'll fly your baggage on a week tomorrow

Early in the morning.

Chorus:

Heave-ho and up the prices;

The Financial Consultant's Chant

(Tune: "St Louis Blues")

Ah hate to see mah stocks an' shares go down . . .

Ah hate to see the slowly sinkin' poun'. . .

Makes me feel like ol' boom'n'bust come aroun' (an' go up an' down)

Footsie tomorrow worser than today;

Ah say, this ain't no market ah can wan' to play . . .

Gonna shut down mah laptop and make mah getaway (so far away)

T'ain't Louis Vuitton ah'll fill with loot an' gold to spare

A cardboar' suitcase is all ah'll have to take me there

Wherever there is 'cos ah don't think ah'm goin' nowhere (nowhere)

Frederick Robinson

No 4046 Object of the exercise

An oldie. We'd like the facts of life as explained by a historical person of your choice (fictional or real).

Max 125 words by 18 September

Email: comp@newstatesman.co.uk