According to Carole Vorderman's manager, the offer (to stay on Countdown) amounted to a 90 per cent pay cut, slashing her reported £1m salary to nearer £100,000. So she quit. "It was such a desperately hard decision to take," he said, but Carole was also "upset" over Des O'Connor's resignation. We want statements from publicists working for any person in the public eye, explaining how a kick in the teeth, huge pay cut, or removal of perks, was not the real reason why they left

Set by Hank T Romein & Grace Elegy

Report by Ms de Meaner

Well done. I worried whether to include John Colby's entry among the winners, but decided to let it in, as the FT believes that even if Georgians rally round Mikhail Saakashvili now, Moscow's hatred will so weaken his presidency that he will go at some point. An hon mensh to Michael Cregan for the real reason Judas Iscariot accepted the 30 pieces of silver. £20 to each of the three winners, the best of whom (David Silverman) also gets the Tesco vouchers.

The high court ruling comes as an enormous relief to Dwain and he applauds their decision. Dwain had no intention of going to Boring Beijing and, frankly, does not approve of the rest of Team GB's appearance there. He believes the separation of sport and politics is disingenuous. He deplores China's repressive treatment of the Tibetans and cynical attitude to human rights, its backing of a genocidal Sudanese regime, its record on pollution, contribution to global warming and ambivalent stance on Kyoto. And anyway, he wants you to know that their fake Nandrolone is a joke. You might as well just have a couple of Mars Bars, a tube of Smarties and a bottle of Lucozade.

David Silverman

He wasn't pushed. He jumped. Tony believes in increased job opportunities for racial minorities and the disabled, so he stood down in favour of Gordon. He wished to help Cherie - the Mother Teresa of Merseyside - in her attempt to become the first person ever to be canonised when living and to help Liverpool to meet its government-imposed target for beatifications and canonisations. He wanted to do penance for starting one Middle Eastern conflict by helping end another. The clincher? Would anyone push Tony when Gordon was his likeliest successor? Would you need to push Tony when he would make more money as a former rather than a serving prime minister?

J Seery

Mikhail Saakashvili has declined the role earmarked for him in the shortly-to-be-announced regime realignment; he feels that Georgia is not the place he once knew. Gone are the totalitarian ways of old. Being taken at gunpoint to vote for the party candidate, actually being taken at gunpoint to do just about anything, gave one a heightened sense of belonging, purpose and of being needed by the motherland. He feels disengaged. Yes, tanks roll to and fro as though nothing has changed. But on Sundays? This would never have happened 20 years ago. Now everyone has a tractor and can be a refugee, fleeing hither and thither; no one sticks with anything; everyone breaks away. Soon, curfews will be gone and people will want Happy McKievsTM and iVans.

John Griffiths-Colby

No 4044 A right royal flush

Set by Ian Birchall

Buckingham Palace has complained vigorously about an "invasion of privacy" by the press because a newspaper reported that the Duke of Edinburgh was gravely ill. Give us the palace's reaction to any serious and noteworthy piece of royal news (for example, if the duke had actually died) that some newspaper had the temerity to write about.

Max 120 words by 4 September

Email: comp@newstatesman.co.uk

Post your comment

Please note: you will need to login or register before you can comment on the website