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No fear of . . . death No 4040

Published 14 August 2008

According to the Guardian, Ed Stafford, a former army captain from Leicester, has advertised for a companion "for a 3,000-mile Amazon trek - must have own iPod". Other must-haves include "a GSOH" and "no fear of snakes or gun-toting guerrillas". We wanted adverts for companions involving activities that might need judicious wording in order to get some brave soul to sign up Set by John O'Byrne

Report by Ms de Meaner

Well done. £20 to each of the four winners, the best of whom (Brian D Allingham) also gets the Tesco vouchers for going that extra mile. An hon mensh to El Basilio.

Stalwart companion and hands-free PDA/BlackBerry Google Earth operator required for glorious late-Alpine season. Endless variety of stimulating challenges. GHFH. Must have valid public liability insurance, EU passport and GP certification of continence. Hand-jamb experience essential, working knowledge of belay, invert rappel and free-fall mitigation preferred. Background in dynamic thermo plastic elastomers, ruberoid mechanics or applied learning of Hook's Law and/or ballistics helpful. Quick-release harness training available for the right applicant. Couples considered, no dependants or pets (except for St Bernards). Membership of Brotherhood of St Christoph useful, but not essential.

John Griffiths-Colby

Spin doctor and trusted friend required for prudent leader of major political party, currently in government. Rewarding post for right applicant with desire to work for a brief time at the very heart of British politics and to be involved at a time of significant change. Must relish a challenge. GSOH, vivid creative imagination, no fear of snakes and good knowledge of strategies for dealing with knife crime in Westminster area essential. Must be prepared to operate on a no-win, no-fee basis. Creative writing qualification desirable. Immediate start. Short-term contract. Previous incumbents need not apply.

David Silverman

Remember those wonderful bucket-and-spade holidays of your youth? We've hired a romantic Cornish cottage (wood-burning stove, spring water 2km) on cliffs above sandy cove, six miles from Botallack by weekly ferry. We are - Shirley: kora player, La Leche League co-ordinator and single parent; Lancelot (9): martial arts, free running and abseiling; Magog (7): musical, loves drumming and singing along to the Dave Clark Five; Marigold (4): enjoys rock climbing and pokerwork; plus twins Apple and Cherry (4 months). Fresh air, fun activities and togetherness. Healthy, smoke-free, teetotal, vegan household. Rice, pulses, tinned tomatoes and Dandelion Cup already delivered. Bulldogs Tyson and Hamstring complete the party. Join us! GSOH essential.

Anne Du Croz

I need someone with a love of beaches and sand in general to accompany me on holiday in northern Africa. No particular need for beach towels, but guaranteed extremely warm. Evenings may be a little chilly. Many opportunities for getting a golden tan.

Good old-fashioned muscle needed to carry own equipment. Water bottles etc provided, but footwear should be robust. Sturdy hats and sunglasses important. Experience on rifle range useful.

Brian D Allingham

No 4043 Let's work together

Set by J Seery

We want work songs for today, eg, for computer programmers and call-centre operators, along the lines of those cotton-picking and mining songs or sea shanties of yesteryear.

Max 120 words by 28 August

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1 comment from readers

Ian astbury-jones
17 August 2008 at 18:39

wanted: PA for champion sportsman.

must be able to cook, preferably japanese but anything will do as long as it's filling.

strong arms for tying my equipment before events and even stronger stomach for applying my sweat rash cream to delicate areas whenever necessary. all applications welcome. please contact sumo federation for any further details!