Report by Ms de Meaner
Well done. £20 to each of the four winners, the best of whom (Brian D Allingham) also gets the Tesco vouchers for going that extra mile. An hon mensh to El Basilio.
Stalwart companion and hands-free PDA/BlackBerry Google Earth operator required for glorious late-Alpine season. Endless variety of stimulating challenges. GHFH. Must have valid public liability insurance, EU passport and GP certification of continence. Hand-jamb experience essential, working knowledge of belay, invert rappel and free-fall mitigation preferred. Background in dynamic thermo plastic elastomers, ruberoid mechanics or applied learning of Hook's Law and/or ballistics helpful. Quick-release harness training available for the right applicant. Couples considered, no dependants or pets (except for St Bernards). Membership of Brotherhood of St Christoph useful, but not essential.
John Griffiths-Colby
Spin doctor and trusted friend required for prudent leader of major political party, currently in government. Rewarding post for right applicant with desire to work for a brief time at the very heart of British politics and to be involved at a time of significant change. Must relish a challenge. GSOH, vivid creative imagination, no fear of snakes and good knowledge of strategies for dealing with knife crime in Westminster area essential. Must be prepared to operate on a no-win, no-fee basis. Creative writing qualification desirable. Immediate start. Short-term contract. Previous incumbents need not apply.
David Silverman
Remember those wonderful bucket-and-spade holidays of your youth? We've hired a romantic Cornish cottage (wood-burning stove, spring water 2km) on cliffs above sandy cove, six miles from Botallack by weekly ferry. We are - Shirley: kora player, La Leche League co-ordinator and single parent; Lancelot (9): martial arts, free running and abseiling; Magog (7): musical, loves drumming and singing along to the Dave Clark Five; Marigold (4): enjoys rock climbing and pokerwork; plus twins Apple and Cherry (4 months). Fresh air, fun activities and togetherness. Healthy, smoke-free, teetotal, vegan household. Rice, pulses, tinned tomatoes and Dandelion Cup already delivered. Bulldogs Tyson and Hamstring complete the party. Join us! GSOH essential.
Anne Du Croz
I need someone with a love of beaches and sand in general to accompany me on holiday in northern Africa. No particular need for beach towels, but guaranteed extremely warm. Evenings may be a little chilly. Many opportunities for getting a golden tan.
Good old-fashioned muscle needed to carry own equipment. Water bottles etc provided, but footwear should be robust. Sturdy hats and sunglasses important. Experience on rifle range useful.
Brian D Allingham
No 4043 Let's work together
Set by J Seery
We want work songs for today, eg, for computer programmers and call-centre operators, along the lines of those cotton-picking and mining songs or sea shanties of yesteryear.
Max 120 words by 28 August
