On leaving office, politicians need a minimum of half a dozen jobs to fill their time and bank accounts. We asked you to suggest some occupations for the likes of Dubbya, Ian Paisley, and others whose time will come. Details of all new duties wanted

Report by Ms de Meaner

What a laff! I liked lots of your suggestions, even to the extent of running some excerpted shorties (you can have a tenner apiece). The two main winners get £25 each, with the Tesco vouchers going to Bill Greenwell for added excellence.

Gordon Brown

On leaving office in July 2008 Gordon Brown will take up the following six posts:

1) Presenter of a TV series entitled: How to Refurbish Your Kitchen Without Overspending.

2) Working on the night shift at a call centre, making cold calls to distressed citizens.

3) Television critic for the Daily Mail, specialising in the output of Sky TV (subscription to be paid by the paper).

4) Manager of the Granita restaurant, to be relaunched under the slogan: "A Cheerful Meal Can Start a Lasting Friendship".

5) Director of a research programme on sleep deprivation and its effect on political judgement.

6) Trainee priest at Westminster Cathedral. Duties include hearing the confession of Mr T Blair and imposing penances.

Ian Birchall

"Bob" Mugabe

Bob Mugabe has been appointed president of the international land reclamation scheme, bringing stretches of coast to life by constructing a series of dams, and obstructing the flow of tides. He is also special adviser to the Hot Air Balloon Trust, assisting with the sciences of hot air generation and rapid inflation. His expertise in the complexities of counting has also led him, together with Sir Terence Wogan, to an appointment as special investigator into the Eurovision Song Contest, and as chief scrutineer of electoral practice in Florida. He is a visiting professor in post-colonial studies at the University of St Petersburg, advising the Russian government on Chechnya. He is also a papal assistant in the Vatican's ongoing investigation into sexuality.

Bill Greenwell

Ken Livingstone

Leading from the front as a lollipop man, Ken Livingstone will organise pedestrians - regardless of their intentions - to cross roads and thus get to stop the traffic yet again! He was made for the job.

Una McMorran

Gordon Brown

http://www.VisitScotland.com is keen to approach Gordon Brown as soon as possible to be the new welcoming face for Scotland in its 2009 tourist promotion.

Rosemary MacKenzie

George Galloway

When he finally retires, gorgeous George might like to consider a career in politics, say, as a constituency MP.

David Silverman

No 4035 The man who . . .

Set by J Seery

H M Bateman was noted for his "The Man Who . . ." cartoons, such as "The Man Who Lit His Cigar Before the Royal Toast" and "The Boy Who Breathed on the Glass in the British Museum", all featuring comically exaggerated reactions to minor social gaffes. We want events that could feature in a Bateman-style cartoon today, eg, "The Man Who Played Decent Music on His Car Stereo While Waiting at the Traffic Lights".

As many as you like by 3 July

Email: comp@newstatesman.co.uk

Post your comment

Please note: you will need to login or register before you can comment on the website