Set by Grace ElegyForget employing your wife or son using taxpayers' money. We wanted to know what other extremes of behaviour might prompt a minister to resign these days

Report by Ms de Meaner

Pas mal. Some form of telling the truth was the central idea from many of you: "Copy Jim Carrey in the film Liar Liar and tell the truth for 24 hours . . . in a 'moment of madness'" (Jon McLellan); "Speaking the truth" (Ivor Yeloff); "Truth and politics are strange bedfellows; consequently, I am left no option but to resign" (Sid Field). You cynics, you! £20 to the three winners, the best of whom (Gerard Benson) also gets the Tesco vouchers.

Difficult week Belmarsh, DD510684

Dear PM, I write to thank you for your unfailing support over these past difficult weeks. However, following the verdict, and yielding to intolerable pressure, I feel I have no alternative but to resign.

My conscience remains clear. Since the clampdown on expenses the lives of ministers have become unliveable. I would point out that no one was hurt, unless you count the caretaker (who is recovering well); and that there was no damage to property. I've returned the keys to the governor of the Bank of England, and am willing (without prejudice) to finance all lock replacements from my offshore holdings (my UK funds being temporarily frozen).

Yours sincerely,

Willing to serve my country again in 2018,

John Bullshott.

Gerard Benson

An honour to serve

Dear PM, It is with regret that I have to tender my resignation from the Ministry of Works. The pressure on me and my family has been unbearable since the Daily Mail broke the news that I was entering New Statesman competitions under an assumed name. I fully acknowledge that some of my entries cast you and the government in a less-than-favourable light. I unreservedly withdraw the sentiments contained in Comps 3903-4015. The accumulated prize money (and the one Tesco voucher) will be donated to charity.

It has been an honour to serve under you. I know that you and your colleagues will accomplish many fine things in the years ahead. The country is in safe hands.

Yours, etc . . .

John O'Byrne

More time with my ancestors

Dear PM, I wish to resign from the government. This is because of my aversion to light. As cabinet meetings are always held in broad daylight, I find I cannot carry on.

I wish to spend more time with my ancestors. And attend more Liverpool home matches - as they are scratching around in the dark, I will be at home.

I have always been proud to be one of your attack dogs. And I will be working for another Tory victory.

Sincerely,

Michael Howard.

NB: Turned down by M Thatcher

Mike Berry

No 4020 Problem pages

Set by Grace Elegy

We want you to send in your problems to an intellectual of your choice, whether alive or dead, and his or her answers. When this comp was set in 1993, the winners chose among others Mr Derrida ("Q: My husband is seeing another woman. Should I throw him out?") and Chairman Mao ("Q: What can I do about my greasy skin and spots?").

Max 125 words by 20 March

Email: comp@newstatesman.co.uk

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