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Set by Gavin Ross In "The Meaning of Tingo", we learn that Prince Philip is known as "Oldfella Pili-Pili him b'long Missee Kween" in the Tok Pisin language. We asked what other celebrities would be known as if they were to visit the Pacific
Report by Ms de Meaner
What fun you had! £20 to the three big winners, the best of whom (Anne Du Croz) also gets the Tesco vouchers. I was unsure about David Silverman's entry, as Gavin Ross is not quite the same kind of celebrity as the others, but let it through. The singletons can have a £5 book token each.
David Beckham - Goodfella kikball
Margaret Thatcher - Missis praim minista her b'long handpaus
Alistair Darling - Mani minista bikpela gras b'long ai
Bill Clinton - Presiden him wantaim hevim ofis meri seks
Prince Charles - Naisfella king bihain Missee Kween
Shirley Curran
Hillary Clinton - Sweet Poli Hilli-Billi she b'long big white house long-time
Gordon Brown - Gordi-Gordi him make big-time afternoon in HP sauces
Prince Charles - Chatfella Carli-Carli him talk flower wif Cami-Niki
Amy Winehouse - Young Missy singa songa toxy life with grammy
M E Ault
Jeremy Paxman - Nambawan toktokman laplap b'longim bagarap lusim kok
Derek Conway - Palamen bulsitman stilim pipel mani givim pikinini
Gordon Ramsay - Nogut tok bikmaus kukim man b'long bokis piksa
Jeremy Clarkson - Sikibaga raskol tokim strong draivim kar tumas kwik
Nicolas Sarkozy - Bos b'long kantri katim marit givim kis nupela gel maritim hariap
David Beckham - Kikbal bikman brukim fut fixim kwiktaim traim kambek masta no larim
Amy Winehouse - Singsing gel b'long bokis wailis smokim drinkim tumas kamap planti sik
Anne Du Croz
Boris Johnson - Bori-Bori no comb him take on Redken
Keith Norman
Rowan Williams - Oldfella woolly-head best God got
D A Prince
Amy Winehouse - Sing-y sing-y skinny skinny whiney whiney in rehab house
Katie Mallett
Jeremy Paxman - Telliman him ax too bluddi much
Alanna Blake
Patrick Moore - Bipela fela aiglas longlongman lukim sta sta sta
Bill Greenwell
Gavin Ross - Oldfella him take pissy Tok Pisin Tingo-Lingo him chatty-classy wannabe come try catchee big-big-big crocky in titchy canoe then see him clever-clever him b'long Missee Ross
David Silverman
No 4018 Veni, vidi, vici . . .
Set by Dipak Ghosh
The five important elements of a short story are characters, setting, plot, conflict and theme, which were all well represented in Ernest Hemingway's tiny "For Sale: baby shoes, never worn", which he supposedly claimed was his best work. Send in your own short stories, in ten words or fewer, about some topical major news item.
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