Report by Ms de Meaner
What fun you had! £20 to the three big winners, the best of whom (Anne Du Croz) also gets the Tesco vouchers. I was unsure about David Silverman's entry, as Gavin Ross is not quite the same kind of celebrity as the others, but let it through. The singletons can have a £5 book token each.
David Beckham - Goodfella kikball
Margaret Thatcher - Missis praim minista her b'long handpaus
Alistair Darling - Mani minista bikpela gras b'long ai
Bill Clinton - Presiden him wantaim hevim ofis meri seks
Prince Charles - Naisfella king bihain Missee Kween
Shirley Curran
Hillary Clinton - Sweet Poli Hilli-Billi she b'long big white house long-time
Gordon Brown - Gordi-Gordi him make big-time afternoon in HP sauces
Prince Charles - Chatfella Carli-Carli him talk flower wif Cami-Niki
Amy Winehouse - Young Missy singa songa toxy life with grammy
M E Ault
Jeremy Paxman - Nambawan toktokman laplap b'longim bagarap lusim kok
Derek Conway - Palamen bulsitman stilim pipel mani givim pikinini
Gordon Ramsay - Nogut tok bikmaus kukim man b'long bokis piksa
Jeremy Clarkson - Sikibaga raskol tokim strong draivim kar tumas kwik
Nicolas Sarkozy - Bos b'long kantri katim marit givim kis nupela gel maritim hariap
David Beckham - Kikbal bikman brukim fut fixim kwiktaim traim kambek masta no larim
Amy Winehouse - Singsing gel b'long bokis wailis smokim drinkim tumas kamap planti sik
Anne Du Croz
Boris Johnson - Bori-Bori no comb him take on Redken
Keith Norman
Rowan Williams - Oldfella woolly-head best God got
D A Prince
Amy Winehouse - Sing-y sing-y skinny skinny whiney whiney in rehab house
Katie Mallett
Jeremy Paxman - Telliman him ax too bluddi much
Alanna Blake
Patrick Moore - Bipela fela aiglas longlongman lukim sta sta sta
Bill Greenwell
Gavin Ross - Oldfella him take pissy Tok Pisin Tingo-Lingo him chatty-classy wannabe come try catchee big-big-big crocky in titchy canoe then see him clever-clever him b'long Missee Ross
David Silverman
No 4018 Veni, vidi, vici . . .
Set by Dipak Ghosh
The five important elements of a short story are characters, setting, plot, conflict and theme, which were all well represented in Ernest Hemingway's tiny "For Sale: baby shoes, never worn", which he supposedly claimed was his best work. Send in your own short stories, in ten words or fewer, about some topical major news item.
