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Happy Christmas, Dave

Tara Hamilton-Miller

Published 13 December 2007

What will the Tory leader find in his festive stocking? Tara Hamilton-Miller sneaks a peek

Blue and white bone china mug (£5.95, including navy gift box) with the inscription "I'd rather be an Old Etonian", from the alumni website. Nothing to be ashamed of, old boy! From Oliver Letwin

Baseball cap with "The Camster" on it and a 60-litre Eco Cargo Luggage <<Bicycle Trailer. From William Hague

A BFF (Best Friends Forever) barbecue apron. From your favourite chum, George

A whoopee cushion to add a bit of fun to lacklustre shad cab meetings. Note attached reads: "Put under WILLETTS's seat first. Love, Boris"

Dolce & Gabbana black cashmere hoodie (£705, dry-clean only) for hangin' round North Kensington. From Alan Duncan

A "Toatrone" waterless toilet and a wormery. To compensate for the disappointing failure of the ambitious rooftop windmill. Merry Xmas from Zac Goldsmith

Voucher for "Diamond Jacks Tattoo Company", Soho. Have the names of the shad cab, kids and Bob Dylan discography tattooed on your back. Regards, David and Victoria Beckham

Application to rejoin the Conservative Party (denied). From Quentin Davies

Latest Johnny Hallyday album, Le Coeur d'un Homme, and Clarins SP15, non-streak, self-tanning gel. Joyeux Noë, Nicolas Sarkozy

Six Marks & Spencer vests (medium) and a personal slave to whisper: "Remember that you are mortal," as they did to triumphant Roman generals. From the Conservative Women's Organisation

Paul Smith socks, an admission that we have put Leo's name down for Eton, and a man-bag. From Tony Blair

A balaclava and SAS Survival Handbook: How to Survive in the Wild, in Any Climate, On Land or At Sea by John Lofty Wiseman. From David Davis

One hundred per cent waterproof, neoprene waders. From all your constituents in Witney

Dinner at Itsu. To David, with fondest wishes from Gordon

Tickets to the Killers concert, and anything that takes your fancy from Smythson. With all my love, darling. Samantha xxxx

Gold, frankincense and myrrh. From Lord Ashcroft

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1 comment from readers

Gervas Douglas
19 December 2007 at 15:09

Excellent! Here a few more suggestions:

A large box of chocolate oranges from WH Smith;

A rosary from Stonewall;

A silver salver, razor blade and mint-fresh 10 dollar bill from Sir Ian Blair.

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