Party stoppers No 4007

Set by Leonora Casement

We asked for overheard dialogue at a horrid party - the sort that would ma

Report by Ms de Meaner

You tackled this in various ways: lots of individual bons mots from different people, one-sided overhearings from a dialogue, or just one long monologue. But before those who had singletons picked out from among their offerings write in to complain, you may rest assured that even a long speech wasn't immune to my rapaciousness for a killer line. £15 to the longer entries. The short singletons get a £5 book token each. In addition, the Tesco vouchers go to Neil Rennick.

And I asked him what I'm asking you now: How did you really, really feel about her dying ? We're so ridiculously self-conscious about these things here, don't you feel? I've often thought I could write such an interesting book about the links between squeamishness about body functions and the colonial imperialist mentality - shall I give you just a quick synopsis? Another drink - Yes it's all home-made, how did you guess?

Carolyn Beckingham

Later, there will be Musical Chairs, Charades (of course!), What's My Line? and Twister . . .

You'll have difficulty getting a taxi around here at this time of night.

Brian D Allingham

Overhead valve, fuel-injected, catalytic converter, and holds its resale value really well.

Of course, the potential repercussions of sub-prime . . .

Derek Morgan

Regular flossing helps, of course . . . and it's well worth brushing your tongue, where most of those nasty bacteria tend to collect, as well as your teeth and gums. Other than that, there's not a lot you can do. I obviously get a lot of moral support from the local halitosis self-help support group - it's really great that so many of them could make it here tonight . . .

David Silverman

No, really, it's nice to have one person who wasn't at Eton with us.

William! Harry! Hi!

Nicholas Hodgson

Grab yourselves a flagon . . . Have you handled a pikestaff before?

Neil Rennick

Just look at the arse on that!

Gerard Benson

At least the host's sleeping peacefully in the corner.

M E Ault

The loo? Just follow the solar-powered lights down the garden.

Stephen Bibby

We've called her kittens Forward, Slash, Dot and Com. Hahahaha.

Bill Greenwell

Ever heard of the Illuminati?

Anne Du Croz

Nice demesne!

John O'Byrne

You know, these days I find it very hard not to be a celebrity.

Sid Field

No 4010 Crystal ball gazing

Set by John O'Byrne

So . . . "2007 has been the year of the historians", wrote David Marquand in the NS. We want you to fast-forward a year and give us a TV historian's take on 2008. Let your imagination run wild.

Max 125 words by 10 January


This article first appeared in the 10 December 2007 issue of the New Statesman, How New Labour turned toxic