Set by Ian Birchall John Hayes, writing in the NS, stated that the Tories are "the true guardians of [William] Morris's legacy". We asked you to defend equally original claims, such as that Sinn Fein is the "true guardian" of Cromwell's legacy, or that Ukip is the true heir of Karl Marx

Report by Ms de Meaner

Well done! I was sorry to lose Adrian Fry (new Labour as guardian of the legacy of "patrician Conservatism"), which means he will have to console himself with an hon mensh. Ditto Shirley Curran (Tesco as guardian of the countryside), but I thought two supermarkets in one comp was a bit over the top. The winners get £20 each, with the top dog, Bill Greenwell - back on form - also getting the Tesco vouchers.

The Diggers

Here at Marks & Spencer, we preserve the spirit of the Diggers, the true Levellers. This is not bread; this is Anglo-Saxon bread, tilled from the true soil of Surrey, and baked in the glorious ovens of liberty. This is not wine; this is the free juice of the commoner's grape, pressed by the earth-hardened and honest feet of Albion's labourers. These are not apples; these is the crunchy, rustic harvest of righteous and free-spreading branches, come to ample fruition on open lands, unenclosed by the Babylonish tyrants, and sweet as Christendom. This is not cheese; this is firm but tangy produce of yokeless cattle that graze on St George's Hill, as yellow and ripe as that uplifting sunlight blazing against slavish bailiffs and Norman men.

Bill Greenwell

Sir William Wallace

Few could deny that the constitutional freedom fighter Sir Malcolm Rifkind is the true guardian of the legacy of Sir William Wallace. Like his noble predecessor, the Mel Gibson-like Sir Malcolm is leading a campaign to defend the rights of an ancient people, subjugated under the tyranny of a foreign ruler and denied the opportunity for self-determination. His blue-dyed followers are the Brave Herts, Hants and Surreys of the UK's previously silent majority. Longshanks Brown beware; for Stirling Bridge and Bannockburn, read the Battles of West Lothian and Kensington High Street. Cry: "Freedom and a Grand Committee for considering English-only matters!" Is that the sound of disembowelling hooks being sharpened?

Neil Rennick

Dante Alighieri

In the opening lines of "Inferno", Dante describes graphically how, midway through his life, he finds himself "in a dark wood, where the right road was wholly lost and gone". He speaks of a place "whence no man ever came out alive". Dante would feel an acute sense of nostalgia in Ikea, where his powerful vision is incarnated with an uncanny Swedish attention to detail: from the tortuous paths that lead nowhere to the ingenious punishments appropriate to each sin, as the lost are condemned to wander for ever in search of curtain hooks and assistants, or to scream desperately for the non-existent checkout. "All hope abandon, ye who enter here," is the unspoken Mission Statement, as Ikea proudly upholds Dante's sublime legacy.

David Silverman

No 4009 Dear Auntie . . .

Set by Leonora Casement

By now you'll have opened all your Christmas presents and have had time to reflect. Now comes the task of writing all those thank you letters for all those useless presents you've been sent, making believe how much you like them.

Max 125 words by 3 January

Email: comp@newstatesman.co.uk

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