Set by Ian Blake "What we needed was 50 words we can use on the doorstep," moaned a Tory supporter about David Cameron's too-long conference speech. We asked you to do "on the doorstep" versions of famous speeches, in fact or fiction

Report by Ms de Meaner

The headline of this comp should have read: “Fight. Beaches. No surrender!” However, there wasn’t room. £10 to the winners, the best of whom (Ian Birchall) also gets the Tesco vouchers.

The Ten Commandments

God Rules, OK? Watch your language. Lie in on Sundays. Don't diss the oldies. No knives. No nicking. No playing away. Hands off the neighbour's missus, and leave his pets alone. Let's hear it for HIM! Amen.

Barry Baldwin

Musharraf's address to the nation, November 2007

Sadly, dear fellow citizens, we must postpone the elections while I concentrate on saving the nation for democracy. I shall diligently defend you from extremism, civil war, and . . . er . . . military takeover. Stay indoors and watch me on TV . . . in my new, discreet civilian uniform. Any station will do. Pakistan zindabad!

Anne Du Croz

Sermon on the Mount

What He told us on the mount was to play it cool. Act meek, He said, as though you love your enemies - and you'll win through in the end, while they perish. And another thing: don't bother saving for the morrow. Everyone that asks for benefits receives them.

Barbara Smoker

I Had a Dream

For one hundred years our cheques have bounced, because we're black. We've suffered. So study this atlas of the Southern states - you know which ones I mean. Read their names. I dream that the sufferers within them will stand and sing the national hymn. All together now: Free At Last!

Bill Greenwell

Khrushchev's Secret Speech, 1956

Listen, Stalin was evil; he was useless; he was a killer; he nearly lost the war. I don't need fifty words - three will do: Trotsky was right.

Ian Birchall

We Will Fight on the Beaches

In a nutshell, we'll fight in every imaginable venue, France, England or anywhere else they choose, and surrender is not an option. OK?

Gerard Benson

Chamberlain's address to the House of Commons, 1939

It is time for actions not words. We gave the German chancellor his chance and he's blown it. But be calm. This is not 1914. This time we are prepared. We have plenty of servicemen, plenty of experience - and the civilised world is behind us.

Alanna Blake

Friends, Romans, countrymen

Friends, Romans, countrymen, I say to you I'm utterly devastated. The whole of Rome is. He was a wonderful, cruel, bloodthirsty, warlike human being. But truly lovable. He'll remain in our hearts and our memories for ever. He was the people's Caesar and that's how he'll stay. Thank you.

John O'Byrne

No 4008 Books of the Year

Set by Leonora Casement

No, we don't want your actual books of the year, but those with incongruous combinations of title and an author who's been in the news recently, eg, A Hundred and One Uses of a Dead Cat by Sir David Attenborough, or Some Like It Hot by Sir Ranulph Fiennes.

Max 25 tries by 5 December

Email: comp@newstatesman.co.uk

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