Set by Gavin Ross

The Chambers Dictionary defines a "Mae West" as "an airman's pneumatic life jacket used in the Second World War. [From its supposed resemblance, when inflated, to the figure of the American film star of that name (1892-1980)]". We asked you for definitions of similar items (a "Tom Cruise", a "Vanessa Feltz", a "Tony Blair" sprang immediately to mind) that could immortalise any contemporary celebrity of your choice

Report by Ms de Meaner

Well done. A magnificent response. I lost most explanations along the lines of: "From its suppose resemblance to the shape and nature of Ann Widdecombe (1947-)" etc on the grounds that we could get more in. The winners can have £5 book tokens. The overall champion is G Haggett, who also gets the Tesco vouchers.

Boris Johnsons n pl shapeless, pre-faded, Teflon-coated designer overalls, frayed at the edges but resistant to any and every noxious substance you may care to throw at them. Small pouch on bib front will accommodate gold-plated bicycle clips with ease.

G Haggett

Bruce Willis n a heavily soiled singlet or vest, originally white, that can stand up for itself.

John Griffiths-Colby

Gordon Browns (sometimes gay Gordon Browns) n pl (sl) khaki underpants, optional kit for shyer or more modest Highland soldier to wear under the kilt.

Michael Brereton

Boris n a fluffy yellow household mop for reaching high places.

Shirley Curran

David Cameron n a domestic roof turbine positioned to catch the prevailing wind.

E Nielson

Gordon Brown n an overly large wardrobe that you'll have a great deal of trouble manoeuvring into position, but once it's installed, you'll wonder how you ever put up with anything else.

Adrian Fry

Johnson v widely used as a term for scattergunned insults, eg: "He Johnsoned Philip, Edward and the whole of Scotland." Often requires swift evacuation. The forename can be used to reprove in a milder way, as in: "Are you being a complete Boris?"

Richard Brennan

Wayne Rooney n (med) a splint, made from two short planks, reusable up to 500 times for broken limbs.

David Silverman

Boris Johnson n an electrically operated padlock and chain which delivers a stunning shock to a bicycle thief.

Alanna Blake

Galloway n a windbag used to indicate the counter-direction of the wind at isolated spots. Actual wind direction is the opposite of the direction in which the Galloway is pointing. Named after the Respect MP, best known for his dancing in a leotard on Celebrity Big Brother and his visits to Saddam Hussein in 1994 and 2002, cf: "Sir, I salute your courage, your strength, your indefatigability."

John O'Byrne

No 3998 Where foul is fair

Set by John O'Byrne

Sally Feldman, writing in the New Humanist, argues that "the humanist smoker favours instead the life of the thinker. The nonchalant rings we blow are the emblem of our free and searching spirit." We want you to put the case for other antisocial activities, such as dog fouling, graffiti, abandoning shopping trolleys - we're sure you can come up with more examples.

Max 125 words by 27 September

Email: comp@newstatesman.co.uk

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