Sizzling sensations No 3989

Set by Didier d'Argent

We asked for mouth-watering publicity blurbs for a famous novel of your ch

Report by Ms de Meaner

Superb! The entries got more and more surreal until I got to Brian Burford, the most surreal of all. £20 to the big winners and £10 to the two shorties. The top dog (Barrie Heads) also gets the Tesco vouchers.

The Remains of the Day

What the butler saw and what he got up to in the staff quarters. This rollicking roller coaster of a novel has everything; downstairs the servants can hardly keep their hands off of each other, while upstairs there are more Nazis than you get from a night in watching

the History Channel. Think Carry On Butler meets The Odessa File

and you won’t even come close to the levels of excitement and action available between these covers. Now a major motion picture, pitting Superman (Christopher Reeve) against his most fearsome adversary, Dr Hannibal Lecter (Anthony Hopkins).

Neil Rennick

Jane Eyre

The body of an innocent schoolgirl, Helen Burns, is found in her dormitory. An elderly aunt is

found dead in her bed. What is

evil? What turns a young country girl into a homicidal psychopath and pyromaniac? Nature? Nurture? A traumatic childhood? Demon possession? “My dear children . . . this girl is – a liar!” As Jane Eyre seeks to justify herself in a

chillingly nonchalant first-person narrative, projecting the crazed fantasies of her deranged imagination on to ever more improbable characters and events, from non-existent gypsies and invented lunatic wives in attics to voices heard from a distance of several miles, the delusional, manipulative governess leaves mayhem in her wake. The hand that rocks the cradle indeed . . . Thank heaven for CRB checks.

David Silverman

À la recherche du temps perdu

Like no other graphic novel you’ve ever encountered. Pictures leap off the page as if they’re some sort of Japanese manga, yet they’re fresh from the Indian-ink-dipped pen of that French master of suspense, Marcel (zut, alors!!!) Proust.

Go through tumult in this

fast-paced story of love and sex. Meet mistresses of the Parisian demi-monde, ride in horse-drawn fiacres, rub shoulders with barons, eavesdrop as they talk about the seaside rave drug – madeleine. We know it better as Extase.

Live with Marcel in his room lined with cork (and don’t ask what kicks he got out of that).

Soon to be a major motion picture, with Arnold Schwarzenegger as the diminutive author.

Barrie Heads

Little Lord Fauntleroy

“Makes American Psycho look like afternoon tea on the lawn with the Archbishop of Canterbury.”

“Forget James Bond! Forget Rambo! Forget Rocky! Fauntleroy is the main man now!”

Michael Cregan

Wuthering Heights

An inspiring climber’s guide to the challenge and glory of the Peak District. Fully illustrated, showing equipment and abseil techniques.

Brian Burford

No 3992 Your God needs you

Set by George Cowley

“Jesus Loves You . . . Everyone else thinks you’re a jerk.” We’d like you to think up some modern church slogans to entice the punters.

Many as you like by 16 August